Kara
***
The door clicked open, and I stopped swinging my legs back and forth off the edge of the desk. Dahlia stepped in and I couldn't help but to smile when I saw her. She looked refreshed, a definite improvement over the stressed - almost scared - woman that scurried out of my apartment just hours ago.
I, on the other hand, was as anxious as could be. This was it, I reasoned with myself. Whether we stay together or not, everything would be in the open between us. I swallowed hard, hopping off the desk right as Dahlia rushed over and embraced me before the door had even swung shut.
I held her, breathing in her scent as my arms rubbed her back. Finally we ended our embrace, smiling at each other. "So..."
"So..." She responded, before we both chuckled. She smiled at me, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
Well, shit. Here goes everything. "I want to talk to you about my past... relationships. One in particular. And I also want to talk about our future." I realized I'd still been staring at Dahlia's heeled feet, so I forced my gaze back at her face. To my surprise she stayed quiet, nodding to show she heard me. "I was with a girl at the start of the school year. We broke it off a few months ago. She's in one of your classes, Felicity?"
A strange look spread across Dahlia's face, and she immediately looked away. She knew her, that's for sure. Maybe she was thinking about the ethics of a grad student - a teaching assistant, even - being with a freshman. I hoped she wouldn't judge me for that too harshly given our own relationship, but there were still enough differences between the two pairings to be left uncertain.
I pressed on. "Yeah, so Felicity and I were a thing for a while. It started similarly to you and I... Except with Felicity, she didn't like being told what to do. She kept rebelling and fighting for control, trying to get me to listen to her while still begging me to boss her around. Things got... unhealthy..." I choked, my throat tightening. For a moment, the memories overwhelmed and swarmed me. Our fights, our arguments, the way we spoke and touched each other.
In the end, there wasn't any love left between us.
In the end, there was only anger and spite.
I looked up at Dahlia, more emotions written across my face than I could identify in myself. What she saw must have worried her, because immediately her hand was holding my own, with a thumb running across the backside of my hand.
"We got nasty with each other. It wasn't right, it wasn't healthy... but most of all, it wasn't safe. We fought, and when sex is tied to power and control, fighting can make things..."
I took a deep breath, steeling myself to say what I needed to while looking into Dahlia's eyes.
"We crossed boundaries. We didn't respect each other's consent. We hurt each other. And then, when we'd both fucked up... I broke things off. We were done, it was over and we went our separate ways. I think... I think she still hates me for what happened. I used to get texts and calls from her, and she'd say I had abandoned her.
"I won't abandon you," I insisted quickly, squeezing Dahlia's hands and giving her a nod. "I've learned a lot since then, and I am not going to run away. I want us to work; I want to be with you, for us to be together, in a relationship." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and a flash of embarrassment shocked through my body. I pulled away, feeling myself retreating inwards until Dahlia pulled me close into a hug.
"Kara... I want us to be together too." She sighed, sitting down in her chair. I followed her lead, leaning against the edge of the desk to take the weight off my feet. "I just got out of a relationship that ended badly. Remember when I taught your classes when you were an undergrad, and I was Mrs. Waverly? Well, it's just Ms. Waverly now. He left me."
My heart stopped in my chest, breaking a little for the woman in front of me. She looked ready to cry, though she took some deep breaths and focused on keeping herself together. "He thought I was getting too old for him. Too boring, too vanilla. So... he found someone younger. More 'exciting' for him." I watched her eyes roll, and then she laughed. "That's why you caught me in my office like that the other day. I wanted to feel like that young girl that he left me for, to know that I still have something exciting about me, too."
I smirked, brushing my thumb over Dahlia's cheek. "You really aren't that old, you know. You're still a beautiful flower, and I'm happy you're mine."
Dahlia snorted, shaking her head. "Trust me, I'm plenty old. But the fact that someone like you, someone your age and everything is interested in me? It's a miracle."
I was about to argue again with her, but she didn't give me the chance. Her lips were against mine and we were kissing passionately. I thought about our conversation as we made out. We both wanted to be together. My heart leapt as I realized she'd said and meant it like I did. I broke the kiss out of giddy excitement, cupping her cheek to keep her close.