"Every blue moon, a virgin must be offered to the goddess Aphrodite and penetrate herself on the life-like statue." Said Leah, Emperor of the Loveland Vampires.
Her minions swooned, swarming like cats, craving her icy caress, which yielded every ache and pain in the warrior clan.
"Bring me a lesbian and I will be kind to you!" She said, grasping the sore muscles of her men, who kissed her black curly locks. Pursing her lips, she flicked them off, a silent but clear, "Ew! Get off me!"
"A lesbian? Why a lesbian?" One of them asked.
"Those are Aphrodite's favorites, and mine too." She laughed as her men whimpered.
"Wingmen, go! Find me a virgin lesbian!" Her booming cackles rung around the room.
The minions hissed their war cries and fled the room to execute her command. Lurching and lurking, they scoured the city for lesbians, seeking a prize that would excite their Emperor.
.... The Bachelorette Party ....
Claire was bored in the mash of the club. And evading a stack of muscle men, at her friend's bachelorette party, was not the bile-wrenching adventure she was hoping to cure her evening. But an array of men continued to seek her out. She'd bat one's pride, crush another's heart, and immediately bash the next hunky man that would take his place.
"Claire! Come dance with me!" Said a dark-haired muscle man who looked like he'd walked out of a Vogue photo.
"Who told you my name?"
"Claire, hi. Dance with me." He said taking her hand and holding it to his chest. Another man tangled his fingers in her straight blonde hair.
"No, thank you." She said, shaking an array of unintentionally Italian gestures with her free hand. She tried to jerk away but could not.
"Claire, are you Italian?"
"No. But I am gay; so, please let go of my hand."
"Aren't you attracted to my charm?" His voice was musical. He caressed her arm with such smoothness she retched.
"No. Apparently you need a dictionary."
Just as the smile wiped off the hunk holding her hand, another hunk approached and ripped his shirt off. The awkwardness was becoming terribly unbearable as the man proceeded to flex various muscles no human could possess.
"Claire..."
"Hey!" She called to her friends, who ignored her. They were entranced, drooling over the masquerade of overtly flirtatious men whom paid them no attention. Each drool-worthy man was tenderly preoccupied with Claire.