This story is mostly based on shortened but true events which happened in my life, with some names and locations replaced here and there.
My name is Maxine Louise Hollowell. I am eighteen years old, and I'm in love with a girl.
Coming out of the closet was both the most terrifying yet the most enlightening event in my entire life. For the longest time, I just thought that there was something wonky with the way my brain functioned. Every time I had a 'boyfriend', I would feel so. . . Wrong. There's no other word to explain it. I felt wrong.
I moved around a lot throughout my school years -- five times, between two schools: Greenfield and Mayview. I think it was in Greenfield during my 7th grade year that I discovered my first girl crush. Her name was Sammi, and she had the biggest, most beautiful lips I'd ever seen. Her skin was a natural tan, her eyes were big and brown, her hair was black, and her body was voluptuous. I remember many times when we'd walk to lunch holding hands. Sammi was, without a doubt, my best friend. But when I moved to Mayview, we grew apart. It was there that I met my first real girlfriend: a lanky, blonde, green-eyed dyke named Kira, who was completely head-over-heels for me. She was the first person to introduce the idea of homosexuality to me, which I rejected for as long as I possibly could. But I was curious, and found myself attracted to her. I finally gave in when Kira told me she was somewhat attracted to a guy she met at a New Year's party because she got totally wasted.
I remember telling her, "You're gay, you can't like guys."
Kira was, at this point, trying to get over me. She said, "Why do you care?"
There was no more escaping the truth then.
A week later, I invited Kira over to my house for dinner and introduced her to my parents. We were sitting on my livingroom floor, and the parents were outside cooking the food on the grill. I suddenly realized that Kira's hand was sneaking under my pantsline and into my panties.
"Wow, you really are cleanly shaved." Was all she said before taking my lesbian virginity.
I stressed so much over coming out to my parents that I couldn't eat, and lost 20 lbs in less than a month. I was terrified that they would kick me out, disown me, beat me up, etc. Kira said she wanted to be with me when I came out to them and hold my hand, like Valerie and her girlfriend did in the movie 'V for Vendetta', but as I continued to lose weight, my parents got increasingly worried. They suddenly appeared in my room one afternoon and demanded to know what was wrong. They knew Kira was gay, so they had to have their suspicions. I cried for hours before I told them, and cried even more when they refused to believe me, telling me it was just a phase and I would be just fine.
My parents restricted my visits with Kira as much as they could after that. Kira, being manic depressive, would call me and say it'd be best if we weren't together. I remember being on the phone with her for hours, crying and begging her to stay with me. It was so much extra stress that I really could have done without.
About a year later, I moved back to Greenfield. Kira and I were still together, but she had met another girl: Elyse. Elyse was the destruction of my relationship. She manipulated Kira into believing that she couldn't handle a long-distance relationship, even when Mayview and Greenfield were, literally, fifteen minutes apart. The way it ended was what really hurt me.
Every other weekend, I would go up to Kira's house and stay for a night or two. Usually all we did during these visits was have 'sex' -- awkward, uncomfortable fucking on her couch. But it's not for these reasons that I would hesitate to call it sex. I may sound selfish for saying it, but I was always the one giving. For some reason it was always a chore to please me. But one weekend, the very same day I arrived, Kira kicked me out. She admitted to her new attraction to Elyse, and told me I had to leave. Again, more begging and crying, but in the end I decided it would just end up happening again.
That week was the hardest of my entire life. I literally got no sleep, yet still attended school each day; I broke down multiple times. If it hadn't have been for my ginger midget friend, Jordynn, Kira's ex before me, I think I might have killed myself.
Months passed, and I found myself back in Mayview. It was around this time that I started talking to a girl named Belle. Belle was a bit taller than me, had chin-length brown hair and chocolate colored eyes and a nose ring. She texted me one day and told me she was bi. She said she knew I was still recovering from Kira, and offered to help me until I didn't need her anymore. I was a bit desperate at this point to just have someone there for me, so I accepted Belle's offer, but told her to keep our relationship a secret. I had heard rumors about Belle being completely psychotic, so I wanted to play it safe.
As it turned out, the rumors were true.
The first sign was when I discovered that Belle, while dating me, was dating three other guys at the same time. I freaked out on her, feeling the same hurt and betrayal I felt from Kira. She cried and promised she'd break up with them if I didn't leave her. I remained skeptical about the situation, but decided to give her another chance.
Belle was getting impatient with me because I never went over to her house or did anything with her outside of school. I lied and told her my dad had me cleaning house all the time because he works a lot. But I only lied because I knew what Belle wanted -- she sent me texts about how badly she desired to have sex with me. I felt bad rejecting her, but she just wasn't attractive to me and I didn't want to lead her on. One day, Belle walked down to the park and texted me, asking if I could meet her there. I told her I couldn't. About ten minutes later, Belle sent me a picture. She had cut the word 'HATE' into her left arm.
Our pathetic relationship ended very shortly afterwards.
Then I met Emily -- the tall, blue-eyed, glasses-wearing red head of my dreams. I was always one for the gingers. I came upon Emily while looking through an LGBT support website. Her number was given at the bottom of her profile, and I figured, what the hell, why not?
Not only was Emily beautiful, but she's also witty and poetic. The first few days we knew each other, it was nothing but poems back and forth between us. I've never fallen so hard for someone in such a short amount of time. It was quite funny, actually: the same day Emily and I got together was the day Elyse and Kira broke up. The only problem was that Emily lived in Oklahoma -- one timezone away from me.
It's been three years since Emily and I got together. Today will be the first time I meet her in person.
I texted Emily for the four-thousandth time in thirty minutes while I was stopped at a red light.
"Hey, I'm at the corner of your street." I typed as quick as I could, tapping my fingers anxiously on the steering wheel of my stepmom's Oldsmobile. As soon as the light turned green, I sped down the street and found the white house on the right I was told to look for earlier.
I felt my heart skip a beat.
