Before we get into any detail, let us explain a little about ourselves and how this all stared for us. It was not something that just happened. We have had many conversions about female love and our growing feelings towards each other for a long time. We felt a little strange about these feelings and a bit embarrassed because everyone always puts down lesbianism and people like us are made to feel ashamed. In fact, it has only been very recently that we have felt comfortable about using the term lesbian, as the majority of people who form same sex relationships often prefer to be referred to as “gay”.
When we originally started to have feelings for each other, we both decided and agreed to seek out as much information as we could, as well as, to attend counselling sessions. It was through these sessions that we also expressed our feelings about the similar experiences we had during our earlier years.
Interestingly, we had shared very similar experiences of abuse, by a family member. Without going into too much detail, our abuse was physical, emotional and sexual. At times this abuse was quite violent. We had also experienced the feelings of shame, particularly about the incidence of incest and of our powerlessness in not being able to stop the abuse, as we could not control what was happening. We also experienced feelings of worthlessness and also felt unclean. We felt like we existed on the fringes of society and were not sure whom we could trust, as we had heard stories about how society sometimes attempts to sweep these matters under the carpet.
Through our counselling we have come to terms with our experiences and we firmly believe that neither of us want any form of physical/sexual relationship with men. We believe that it is through our previous experience with men and especially with members of our own families that we felt more comfortable in the presence of women, which also lead us to seek the emotional support and the tenderness of love between women.
Our “Awakening” took place on 05/April/03. Our story began innocently enough, with our parents going away for the weekend. Debbie, my foster sister and I had planned our sexual awaking to lesbianism for some time and as our parents were going to be away the timing was right.
We had begun to organize our room for the big event. We had soft music one song in particular Debbie loved, as on many accessions I would sing, Roy Orbison’s “She’s A Mystery Girl,” and play my guitar for her. We even went shopping and bought coloured candles to symbolize. White - Purity, truth sincerity, Light Blue – Tranquility, understanding, patience, and health. Red - Strength, health, vigor and sexual loves. This was going to be our special night of sensual love; our love for each other would last forever!
We had lit the candles before hand. Debbie was first to bath then myself. As I bathed, I thought, that going to bed this times it would be very different, as we would be going to bed with each other, and that tonight we would be touching each other sexually, for the first time. When I retuned to our room, Debbie awaited she was already in bed. She looked so soft and beautiful as the candlelight reflected on her face. I seemed to be trembling as I made my way to the bed; I guess it was the fear of the unknown.
