KLove has not been very good to me. My name is Kara, and I've been with one man off and on for 5 years, but now it seems like it will be off for good. Jay just isn't ever going to grow up. Now that I'm single I'm having a really hard time with self esteem. That's one thing I miss about Jay, he always made me feel pretty. Nobody else ever told me I was.
I'm five foot seven, with long thick mahogany brown hair that falls in soft waves to my waist. I've never been thin in my life. I'm well proportioned, but on the larger side. Based on societies views, I don't fall into the BBW category. I'm just thick and curvy. My eyes are a nice calm color of green, but when I get angry or excited they go almost neon and seem to glow. My mouth is almost to large for my face. I can't stand it but some people insist it fits.
I moved out of the apartment I shared with Jay a week after our last argument. I don't think he expected me to go. He looked so lost and confused. I felt like I was really free for the first time.
I'd responded to an ad in the classifieds looking for a roommate. It was for a single white female looking for another female to share rent in a 3 bedroom house overlooking the bay. Not expecting much, since it was the first ad that looked promising, I called the number listed.
The voice on the other end confirmed that she still had the room to rent, told me her name was Lizzy, and asked to meet me later at a local pub. A little shocked at how quickly it had all happened, I hung up and started panicking over what to wear.
I finally decided to just go casual and be myself. No sense false advertising to someone I might end up living with. I pulled on my favorite dark jeans and a plain purple shirt and headed out for O'Malley's.
I found Lizzy sitting near the bar with a view of the TV just as she'd said. My first impression was one of awe. She was gorgeous. About the same height as me but on a much smaller frame. Her hair was so black it was almost blue, and cut in a fashionably choppy style right at her shoulders. She looked up as I neared the table. She smiled at me with a perfect pink mouth and shining blue eyes the color of sapphires. I was struck speechless for the first few seconds.
"Hey! You must be Kara. I'm Lizzy." She stuck out her hand for me to shake. "Have a seat."
I sat down still stunned. "It's great to meet you" I said shyly. "So, how many possible roommates have you interviewed?"
"Six so far. I just haven't clicked with anybody. I tell them I'm bisexual and they all freak out. Is that a problem for you?"
Whoa! Bisexual. I was not expecting that one. "No. I don't think that should be a problem. I've never known anyone who is bisexual, or gay for that matter, but I don't judge based on things like that. You seem like a great person, that's all that should matter."
She flashed her perfect smile and looked relieved. "Then I think I've just interviewed the last person! Lets order some drinks and something to munch on and we can discuss the finer details."
We talked for over two hours, until they closed the restaurant and kicked us out. We learned we had a lot in common, including music, book and movie choices. Three days later Lizzy helped me move into her house.
Our first few months were spent getting to know each other's routines. Thankfully we had two bathrooms, so that made mornings easier. We decided we would take turns cooking since we both loved it so much. Everything went really smoothly til the Saturday three months in, when a bunch of her friends showed up.
I knew we were having company, I'd helped clean and get the blender ready for margaritas; but I was nervous cause i hadn't met any of my new roomies friends yet. If they didn't like me, it would make living here pretty difficult.
I met each one as they trickled in between 5 and 6 pm. Jen was short and a little boyish, Emma was tall and heavy like me, Jacy was even taller at six feet with perfect cheerleader looks, and Lorelei was also six feet tall but boyish. I learned that Jen and Emma were a couple, as were Jacy and Lorelei. I was only shy and uncomfortable for a very short time. Just like Lizzy, they all had a way of making me feel like I belonged.
After a couple hours, and a few margaritas, Jen looked across the room at me with a questioning look. "So, Lizzy tells us you're straight. Does that mean you've never been with a girl?"
"Jen! Don't ask things like that! It's rude, and none of our business!" Lizzy's face was bright red. She looked at me like her friend had just slapped me.
"Calm down Lizzy. Haha! I don't mind the question. The tequila doesn't hurt either. Besides, I'm sitting in a room full of women who enjoy other women, so it makes sense you're all curious. To answer you Jen, no. I've never done anything with a girl, other than an innocent peck on the cheek."
Emma grinned almost wickedly. "Oh honey! You don't know what you're missing!"
Lizzy uncomfortably changed the subject, and after a while I forgot all about the question. Apparently Lizzy did too, cause she gladly agreed when Lorelei suggested we play truth or dare.
We went around asking ridiculous questions and laughing hysterically at the silly dares we were coming up with. I should have figured something was up when Jacy asked if I'd ever consider kissing another woman.
"Sure. I don't see why not. It's just a kiss!"
A few more rounds of silliness and it came back to Jacy. "Kara! Truth or dare?"
"Ummmm... dare!"
"Ohhh goooood! I dare you to kiss Lizzy."
"Ok. I can do that."
Lizzy looked mortified. "You do not have to do this."
"I won't if you don't wanna. It's ok." I was feeling fearless, and mighty toasty from all the drinks I'd had. "But I want to kiss you. I've wanted to for a while!"
Lizzy looked really worried, and her group of friends had gone completely silent, like they were afraid to ruin the moment.
Lizzy came across the room and positioned herself next to me on the loveseat. She put her hands on my cheeks and pulled me closer. The kiss started out small with just our lips touching. After a few seconds I felt her mouth move, so I opened mine to invite her tongue in.
It was like an electric shock. Her warm soft tongue found mine and massaged it slowly. I hadn't been expecting the heat to spread like wildfire through my system. Suddenly Lizzy gasped and fisted her hands in my hair. The kiss now held more passion than I'd ever felt. I gave in willingly and wrapped my hands around her back.
Then someone coughed, and we came crashing back to earth.
Lizzy was red in the face, and I didn't want to think about what I looked like. The game carried on, a little more subdued, and we picked up like nothing had happened.
After everyone left, Lizzy and I cleaned up and headed for our separate bedrooms. Neither one mentioning what had occurred.
I went to bed extremely confused that night. I'd never felt anything that strong with just a kiss. I was trying to figure out what it meant. Was a bi, too? I fell asleed just as perplexed as I was when the kiss happened. When I woke up I decided to just ignore it and leave. things as they were. It seemed safer that way.
We went through the next week acting like nothing had happened. I was even beginning to convince myself it was all the tequila's fault when Friday rolled around.
It was my turn to cook, and I'd decided on shepherd's pie. It was quick and easy, not to mention delicious. I was cutting vegetables for a salad and realized I'd forgotten the cucumbers. Lizzy was standing with her head in the fridge looking for a drink so I asked her to grab them. She mumbled something so I finished cutting carrots and turned around.
Lizzy was right behind me. She was in the process of reaching the cucumbers around me and put both hands on the counter next to me to brace herself when I bumped into her. Our faces were almost touching and I was trapped.
"Hi." She just smiled down at me with that one word.
