I've been bullied all throughout school. Grade, middle, and especially high. It didn't matter. Living in a small mid-western town, a town where the high school football team reigned supreme, the cheerleaders were the prettiest, most popular and came from the wealthier families. I never fit in. Our family was best classified as lower middle class. We didn't want for anything but neither did we travel to Disneyland over the summer.
It didn't help that I was smart, wore glasses a little too big for my small frame and was what my mom called a late bloomer, meaning while most girls were buying their second or even third bras because they were developing, I didn't even have to wear one. I took to wearing baggy sweaters and shirts all the time. I finally grew some breasts over the summer when I was going into my junior year but I was still super self-conscious of my body. However, it was the next summer, the summer when I turned eighteen and became a senior, that was the turning point in my life. That summer was when Joy came into town.
Joy was what one would call a goth chick. That meant she was about as popular as I was. Wearing all black with chalk white skin and ruby red lipstick, the first thing that I noticed about her was that she took some of the bullying off of me. The clique, meaning the cheerleaders instantly took a disliking to her and went after her with their barbs. Rumors quickly spread that Joy was a lesbian. Well, the word people used was a lot less polite. The biggest difference between Joy and me, besides how we dressed, was the fact that she fought back, going right after Lizzie, the head cheerleader, word for word.
It took a lot of courage for an introvert like me to finally one day sit somewhat near her in the cafeteria. I'd just learned what a dyke, for that was the word that was used, was when I looked it up on my computer the first time, I'd heard Joy being called that. It was an eye-opening experience. I was never really interested in sexual matters. I'd laughed self-deprecatingly when my mom gave me the talk, telling her she didn't have to worry about me getting pregnant since no boy would even look at me.
When I actually said "Hi" to Joy, the clique took it as an opportunity to call me a dyke as well, which caused me to burst into tears. What really frightened me was that I was worried that they might be right. The pictures I was looking at when I was finished with my homework wasn't boys. They were pics of women, mainly goth women to be honest. Crying in the hallway next to my locker surrounded by a group of cheerleaders did nothing to dissuade their taunts.
"Oh, look Rat!" said Lizzie using their favorite name for me. "Here comes your girlfriend now." Sure enough, Joy was walking down the hall, looking upset. "Hey Wednesday, your little girlfriend's been missing you." Lizzie taunted, causing the other girls to burst out laughing."
"Says the bitch walking around with a pack of cunt-lickers who always hangs out in the girl's locker room." Joy shot back. "So, run off to your favorite place and take your gaggle of twats with you so they can kiss your ass some more." Lizzie looked shocked and was momentarily speechless.
"Fuck you, dyke!" Lizzie finally said, trying in vain with a comeback but she did leave, followed by, as Joy called them, her gaggle of twats.
"Thanks." I mumbled as Joy walked past. She stopped and turned to me.
"Rebecca, right?" I nodded. "Look, their going to keep this shit up until you fucking grow a pair and stand up to them." Again, I nodded, knowing what she said was true. "You need a ride?" I was so tempted to say no but it was pouring rain and I had a long walk home.
"Yeah, thanks." I mumbled again. Grabbing my bookbag, I followed Joy to her car. It was Friday and both my parents worked late so I cautiously asked Joy if she wanted to come inside when she stopped in front of my house. To my surprise, after a second, she said yes.
"Sorry." I said when we walked in.
Joy looked at me quizzically. "For what?"
"We aren't rich." I replied. Our furniture was used and my family didn't have all the nice features of everyone that lived around us had. My mom kept a nice clean house though.
"So?" Joy said. I smiled and relaxed a little asking if she wanted a coke. I grabbed two of them, then took her to my room, my sanctuary. We sat down on my bed, an uncomfortable silence settling between us. "You don't have many people over, do you?" Joy finally asked. Letting out a little laugh, I admitted she was the first. "Go ahead and ask. I know you want to." she said, then taking a swig of her drink.
"Ask what?"
"Come on Becky," Joy said, giving me a look that she knew what was on my mind.
Taking a deep breath, I tentatively asked "Are you?"
"What would you do if I said yes? Freak out and throw me out of the house?" Joy said. She didn't sound upset, asking matter-of-factly.
"No!" I responded, maybe a little too quickly. "I mean, no, I really don't care if you're a lesbian or not."
Joy let out a laugh. "Really? Okay, yeah, I've kissed girls before. Happy?"
I swallowed nervously, my heart racing at the revelation. "Lucky you." I said, hastily adding "at least you've kissed somebody." when Joy's eyebrow raised in speculation.
Joy shrugged. "It's not that big a deal." she said. "I mean, where I come from."
"I wish I was there instead of here." I said, not realizing how that could be interpreted.
"Becky, there are assholes all over the place." Joy replied softly, placing her hand on mine. I flinched a little, not used to friendly contact but didn't pull back.
"I know but it would be nice to be somewhere where I could, you know, just be myself." I could feel my eyes getting moist and my voice cracked a little when I spoke. Years of bullying were threatening to come to the forefront. So, I decided to change the subject. "Hey, there's another rumor about you." I said in a light-hearted whisper.
"Oh, really? Just one?" Joy replied sardonically. We both laughed, her hand still on mine. "Which one is it?"
"Well, rumor has it that you got your, um, nipples pierced?"
Joy let out a loud laugh. "Wow! Something that's true!"
"Really?" I said. It was amazing to me that I knew someone who'd done something I'd only seen online.
"Yeah. Wanna see?" My mouth went bone dry and all I could do was give a slight nod. Joy smiled and began to unbutton her shirt. Very soon, her black, lacy bra was visible. I was doing my best to appear calm but my eyes were glued to her body as she reached around and undid her bra, letting it fall from her body.
Joy had slightly smaller tits than mine but her nipples were more prominent. Both of them had a little loop like her earrings piercing them. On top of that, on her right breast, the word "Deviant" was tattooed in black, gothic lettering.
I could feel my body trembling at the sight of her body. All I could say was "Your mom let you?" feeling like an idiot as soon as I said it.
"Yeah, my mom even drove me to get the tattoo. It was my eighteenth birthday present." I couldn't stop looking, then blushed when I realized I was staring. Looking up, I noticed that Joy had the strangest smile on her face. "Of course, you know how the game is played." I shook my head no even though I knew very well what she was going to say next. "I showed you mine. Now it's your turn."
I thought about ending it right here but then realized that it was nothing that Joy and I hadn't seen in gym class. "You'll laugh at me." I said, morosely.
"Why would I do that?" Joys asked, taken aback. She seemed so comfortable in her body. "Do you have like three tits or something? Cause if you do, that would be fucking awesome." We both laughed.
"No, because everyone does." I said.
"Who? Lizzie and her lezzies?" I nodded, again fighting the negative feelings. "Look," Joy said, taking my hand in hers again. "I'm not going to tell you how to live your life but if you don't stick up for yourself Becky, people will walk all over you."
"Yeah, but you don't know what it's like to be an..."
"What, an outcast?" Joy interrupted. "Yeah, cause I fucking fit in." I let out a choking half-laugh. "Listen, I don't give one rat's fuck," hearing my nickname made me cringe. "about what those bitches think about me. And neither should you." I nodded, knowing that she was right. "Your smart. Hell, I bet my car that you'll be making six figures while Lizzie's pumping out her sixth kid." I did genuinely laugh as that image flitted through my head. "Now quit stalling and show me your tits."
Emboldened by Joy's pep talk. I gripped the bottom of my sweater, quickly pulling it off as well as taking off my bra, not wanting to lose my nerve. For a second, Joy said nothing and the butterflies in my stomach grew into vultures as I thought she would start laughing. Instead, Joy's eyes grew big and she let out an appreciative whistle.
"Look," Joy said, breaking her gaze from my chest. "I've seen a lot of girl's tits and yours are pretty fucking nice." I blushed at her words, maybe thrusting my chest out a little. "Now I know why Lizzie teases you. She's jealous." We giggled and finished our cokes, each trying and failing to not gaze at each other's bared breasts. I don't know what came over me but I caught myself as my hand reached out. Blushing, I started to apologize. Instead, Joy took my hand and placed it on her right breast.
I froze, not knowing what to do, when Joy reached up and cupped mine. She ran her fingers lightly on my skin and brushed my nipple with the palm of her hand. The feeling was indescribable. I closed my eyes as her other hand went to my other breast. My lips were slightly parted as I leaned my body forward, pressing my breasts into her hands. That's when I felt a soft pair of lips touch mine.
