We had an affair.
It was dangerous because this was the first time I could clearly see and imagine someone so vividly. And it was all you. In my head. Yes, I imagined other people in my life, only never so clearly. Having affair with you in my head was easy, images were almost created by itselves.
But how did you get here?
I think it was that moment when you graciously moved your hips in a certain way, and that picture burned itself in my brain and I was completely unaware, unready. But like a seeded tree, it started to grow branches. Of lust. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I started to consciously desire those hips between my legs, I wanted those sculpted thighs to force themselves on me. And your mouth, I wanted to surrender to your mouth, to your tongue, to your teeth, I wanted to be burned by your breath.
So you became my escape. In the world where no one else exists, where there is no guilt, no shame, no other people, no questions. I don't know where it is, but it's safe and secluded. Sometimes it's a floating bed, sometimes cold wall you are pressing me against, and sometimes we are in a dirty motel on outskirts of town where no one knows us. Sometimes we have all the time in the world, sometimes we are rushing and ripping each other's clothes off and the heat is always almost unbearable.
I don't remember how I let myself to be infatuated by you, how I allowed myself to be so weak and wide open to let you in. How I even memorized contours of your waist, shape of your lower lip, veins on your arms, small imperfections on your skin, a scar on your forearm that I wanted to touch, thick hair that I wanted to run my fingers through. I guess, rational explanation would be that I lacked something out of that unreal realm and you were there to fill that void. It happened before, but never so vividly.
I sensed and smelled something for me in you, it penetrated my mind and intoxicating fantasies were conceived.
First picture painted itself and I was shocked, even ashamed when it surfaced in my mind because, unlike other fantasies, I've put a zero effort into it. It just appeared.