It was the summer of 1984, when both girls were sixteen, when Jessie came out of her shell more than she had ever done before. Debbie and Jessie were to have a sleepover at Debbie's house on the Friday night. They had rented a movie, Debbie's mom had ordered some pizza for them to share, and so they sat on Debbie's bed laughing, joking about the day and the week's activities at school, eating their pizza. Unexpectedly, Jessie turned to Debbie with a serious expression on her face and asked her directly, "Debbie, what's wrong with me?" "What do you mean? Nothing's wrong with you, silly!" "No, I mean with boys. Why am I so timid, why don't I like guys?" "Don't you like guys? Are you sure you're not just nervous?" "I...I don't know, Debs. I just don't know." "Well, do you like girls?" "NO!!" Jessie laughingly squealed. "At least...no! No I don't. I don't think so. I just don't know. I really just don't feel much of anything about anyone." "Well..." "Debs," Jessie's expression had turned from serious to sad, her eyes mournful and were beginning to tear up, Debbie noticed, "Debs, what if all the guys are right? I don't want to be left out; I don't want to be different. I don't want... don't want to...to be a... alone" she stammered, "Honey, you won't, you're not" "But Debs., what if all the guys are right? What if I am, am fr...fri...frigid?" she finally got out, through her sobs. Debbie leaned in to her best friend, wrapped her arms around, and held her, rocking her gently, kissing her hair as Jessie bawled into her shoulder. Soon Debbie's hair and neck were wet with Jessie's tears. Jessie's sobs gradually subsided, her breathing returning to normal with just the occasional hitch as she inhaled. When Jessie was done, only then did Debbie release her hold of her friend and handed her a Kleenex so the brunette could wipe the tears from her eyes. Debbie chuckled at her friend's newly refashioned make up, with streaks all down her cheeks, but quickly held Jessie's face and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "Jessie, you're my best friend, I love you, I adore you." "I know, I love you too, Debs" "Now you listen to me" "O...OK" "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, do you hear me?" "Yes, but.... so why don't I believe it? Why do I feel so much like a, a freak?" "Jessica Dawn! You are NOT a freak, do you hear me?" "Yes...b" "You are a beautiful, vivacious, bubbly, loveable girl. Did I mention beautiful?" Jessie smiled "Yes, I think you did" "Good, coz you are. You are my best friend and I love you. Just give it time. Stop punishing yourself" "Yes, mom" Jessie quipped "Oh, would you quit?!" Debbie laughed "Well, you were the one who called me Jessica Dawn! Not even my real mom calls me that, except occasionally when she's really mad at me" Jessie was smiling a little more easily now. "But seriously, Debs, why do I clam up whenever boys show me any kind of interest? It's almost like I feel annoyed at their interest. And I really am annoyed, pissed even, when they leer at me" "I dunno, hon. I really don't. Do you find guys attractive?" "Well, kinda, yeah. I guess. I just don't know. It seems like I'm not attracted to anyone. I mean, I can tell that a guy is kinda good looking an'all, but, I'm never really sure if that's because all the other girls think he is too, or whether I really do think he is." "What about girls?" At this, Jessie flushed a little. "Well, I can recognize a beautiful girl, sure, of course. Who can't? But that doesn't make me a lezzie. Does it?" "No hon, but it could be you are gay, though." "I'm NOT a lezzie. I'm not a fucking dyke, I'm NOT!" "OK, sweetie, ok. It doesn't matter, really it doesn't. I'll love you just the same regardless. " "I know. It's just... I dunno. I just don't know, Debs." "Well, why don't you just go out for a couple of dates with some guys, just to see, you know, how you get along and stuff? It could just be that you haven't met the right guy. Or given the right guy a chance. How will you know unless you try?" "Well...maybe" "Hey!!! I have a GREAT idea! Why don't we go out on a double date? I'll drag bring Rob, he's been itching to take me out for a while, and you invite some other guy. What about Tom? Or, well you choose. Either accept the next offer, or, just ask the guy yourself. Whaddya think? That way I'll be there too. Would that make you feel more comfortable?" "Maybe. 'S worth a shot, I guess"
The next weekend, that's exactly what happened. Jessie and Tom, Rob and Debbie all went to the movies together. And the weekend after that, Tom and Jessie went out together by themselves. It seemed like Jessie was enjoying herself, but after that she declined any further dates. She told Debbie that she just feel any chemistry, that she really didn't feel any stirrings or feelings for poor Tom.
After that, however, things took a nosedive for Jessie. Word soon got to her that the talk in the boys' locker-room was that Tom had fucked her, when in reality, all she had let him do was kiss her and fondle her boobs through her top.
She was hurt, pissed and, while she did not previously have reason to claim all men were jerks, she felt justified in her claims now. Within a few days she had signed up for the school's feminist group, dyed her hair purple and had it cut into a Mohawk, and bought herself a "This is what a feminist looks like" T-shirt, which she proudly wore to school until it about started falling off her back in pieces.
She finished out her high school career without dating another guy, still a virgin, and enrolled in Kansas University, to study to become a pharmacist, taking her far away from Philadelphia for an extended period the first time in her life. Debbie, her life-long friend and closest confidant, had enrolled into UCLA, about as far away from Kansas as it was possible to be. So Jessie prepared for university at Kansas, the only one in her class heading to the Sunflower State. It was to prove a revelation to her, and shocked everyone, including Debbie, her parents, Drew and, most especially her, when she met Jeff.
Ch.4 Jeff
Jessie took to university life like the proverbial duck to water. She quickly became friendly with her dorm room mate, Alice, a slender, olive-skinned girl, who was a sophomore, of Indian heritage who had lived her entire life in neighboring Missouri. While they were sociable, they were hardly inseparable as she and Debbie had been.
But her life changed direction when she met Jeff on campus. He was a 6'0" slender, dark haired young man, a freshman like her, and looked hopelessly lost. He was dressed in tailored jeans and a neatly ironed, crimson polo shirt. He was, quite simply, stunningly handsome. She met him as she was entering the Union building. She didn't so much meet him as run into him, quite literally. As she breezed through the door, long hippie-style purple skirt flowing behind her, he was wandering around the lobby looking at signs, looking for any sign to indicate which way he should be going, not looking where he was going, and walked right into her.
"Jesus! Don't you look where you are going?" "I'm so sorry, I was just looking....ah, hey maybe you know. I'm trying to find my way to Wescoe Hall. You wouldn't happen to know how to get there would you?" "Actually, I do, I'm heading that way in just a few. I just have to go get some books from downstairs. If you don't mind waiting a few minutes. I can take you there if you like?" Her response while music to Jeff's ears, totally stunned Jessie. Shaking her head to clear her it, her initial thought after making the offer was "What the fuck?! What am I doing?" But she had made the offer now, and it would seem rude to the point of callousness to withdraw it now, so, having completed her purchase at the bookstore, she led him to Wescoe Hall, as promised. On the way to the Hall, Jeff introduced himself and tried his best to engage Jessie in conversation. A task which appeared to him, to be a futile effort on his part: Jessie was somewhat monosyllabic in her responses. As they reached Wescoe, he stopped her, touching her lightly on the arm, saying, "Look, I'm sorry about walking into you. I'm not normally so inattentive, and you've been kind enough to bring me here. At least let me repay your kindness by letting me buy you dinner, or even a coffee, this evening?" Jessie again surprised herself, first in enjoying the physical contact from Jeff, and secondly in accepting his offer. What was this? After four years of proclaiming that all men were jerks -- her father and brother excluded -- here she was accepting an offer of a date from this well dressed, handsome young man. Debbie would be stunned, Jessie thought to herself. And she was right
After spending the entire evening with him, first at a local favorite, one of the many coffee houses in the thriving downtown Lawrence, where they talked incessantly until the early hours of the morning, they then removed themselves to his nearby apartment at his suggestion where they continued talking for the remainder of the night. Finally, exhausted, they fell asleep on the couch and Jessie awoke the next morning with sunlight streaming through the window, with her head on Jeff's surprisingly muscular chest, despite his slender physique, and his arm wrapped protectively around her. While they remained fully clothed, she looked up at the features of his relaxed, sleeping face and basked in the warmth of his body, of his closeness. And to her amazement and relief, she felt an unfamiliar tingling all over her body, but especially in her loins. As she continued to lie in his arms, she could feel her panties getting moist and the faint, but undeniable musky smell of her arousal permeating the room.