Janie - My Next Chapter

Janie - My Next Chapter - Ch. 4

By KAD

A/N -

I hope you are enjoying the journey Janie is on. I do appreciate your patience, thoughts, messages, and feedback. There is a lot of background in this chapter with flashbacks which will fill in gaps from the previous chapters. I ask that you follow me as Janie continues her sexual and personal explorations.

Lastly, I seek your understanding, being a woman in the military has its challenges, physically, mentally and emotionally. Couple that with being a nurse with the lives of others sometimes hanging in the balance of the decisions you make every day.

***

She kissed Kari's cheek. The moonlit night allowed just enough for me to see their eyes meet solidifying deeper their love for each other. They turned towards me.

"Miss" I lowered my head as the tears welled up in my eyes. "I..."

I dropped the heels and ran down the sandy beach towards the house crying the entire way.

***End of Chapter 3***

***

I do not know what came over me, but I started running in the sand and in my bare feet. I was still in an emotional wreck; my mind was a blur, spinning with the unknowns in this sudden suggestion from Kari for me to be hers.

I continued running. Now mind you, I wasn't running like running a race. It was more a quick walk, a fast pace until I could not see, nor hear them as they continued to call my name. I knew my time was short and that they would come after me. I slowed to a walk. When I was certain they were not able to neither see me nor hear me. I fell down to my knees, sitting back, staring off into the darkness.

Realistically, I knew I couldn't hide from Kari and Jordyn, nor did I want to. I was well aware that they would eventually walk up the beach and find me. They would be worried and concerned yet deep down I was certain Kari would allow me my space to think.

I was correct in my assessment. Logically, that is what nurses do; we assess the patient, the situation, and develop a course or treatment plan and put it into action.

Jordyn was the first to bend down and whisper in my ear.

"I know the feeling. I know the stress, the pain, the sacrifice, but I also know the reward and the love. It is well worth it Janie."

She kissed my cheek. "It is well worth it."

She stood and cleared her throat. I heard Kari's voice in the background. She was calm. I never really knew her to be anything but calm and loving, which in part made this such an easy decision. She was calm and loving, nurturing, and kind.

"Kari!" I spoke up for the first time, finding freedom and exhilaration. "I do not know what came over me. I owe you the greatest apology one can ever imagine."

I stood. Though it was dark and we were illuminated by the moonlight I lowered my head in shame. "I am confused, I am uncertain and I am shaken by this. The complexities and what I have recently found out about my truest love, Tabitha..." I paused trying to find the words.

"I have more uncertainties than ever. There are a few things I do know. I know your love for me. I know your desire for me and mine for you. I do not know the capacity."

She carefully wrapped me in her arms. "My dearest, I thought you were ready. I was mistaken."

"No Ma'am, I am ready but there are thoughts, loose ends, feelings, needs." I paused placing my head on her chest. I whispered. "And... Ben, he must be told gently."

Kari held me tighter. "Yes there is even more than you talk about." She released me from her hug.

"Back to the house, when we arrive, you will shower and rest for the evening. In the morning we will have an open conversation."

"Kari, please I must, please I need."

"Dearest Janie, let's walk now."

We started walking down the beach heading to the house, the three of us holding hands. Upon arriving, we let Kari in the house first. I watched as she walked down the hallway to the master bedroom. It was then she spoke.

"Jordyn, remove the necklace and bring it to me."

"Kari! No, please." My left hand quickly moved to the front of the necklace covering it, protecting it. I begged as tears started flowing down my cheeks.

"Yes, Janie. Jordyn, please." Kari turned and continued down the hallway.

I stood watching them disappearing behind the closed door of the master bedroom. My soul cried as I walked to the bedroom, collapsing on the bed.

***

Kuwait City - 48th Combat Support Hospital

Tabitha stirred, still curled in my arms. I had been awake for a while dreading today as I would be leaving tomorrow. One last day with her is all I wanted. I wanted this moment for her to remember. The unfortunate reality, we were both scheduled and would be on duty in the OR within the next hour.

The fingers of my left hand lingered, just grazing her lower arm and her side. My right hand covered hers as she cupped my breast. I listened to her breathing as she slowly woke. I leaned forward kissing her hair, then her forehead. I wanted this to last until the end of time.

"I could get really used to this Janie." She murmured.

I replied holding back as many emotions as possible, "I already am my dearest Tabi"

We made love that morning, slowly kissing, feeling, loving and touching. With a final kiss and a tender hug we separated and headed to the showers preparing for the dreadful day ahead.

***

Our last evening together was more romantic than sexual but it was all behind closed doors in our hut. The love we shared was deeper than that which I ever felt for any lover, man or woman. I was truly head over heels in love with Tabitha. She makes me smile in everything she does.

As we lay in bed cuddling that last night together, I smiled inside and out, thinking, planning and feeling a future with her. What life would be like with Tabi in my arms and bed each night?

Over the past months I found that making love with Tabitha had taken me to a completely different level of intimacy. True love creates a deep connection and intimacy between two individuals. It is a physical expression of love, desire, and passion. Making love with Tabitha involved more than just the act of sexual intercourse; it encompasses the entire experience of being intimate with her.

Her eyes, which were more than hypnotic, her smile brightened every moment we were together. Her touch was exhilarating. When I was with her, I achieved the highest high I had ever been on; she was the crescendo in my emotional and physical symphony.

When two people make love, they engage in a physical and emotional exchange that goes beyond mere physical pleasure. Tabitha and I connected deeper than I ever had with anyone. She accepted my vulnerability, endured and thrived, trusting me always. We held a deep understanding of each other's desires and needs. She was pure, tender, affectionate, and had a genuine desire to please me and accept me for who I was.

In the emotional, physical and treacherous mess we lived every day here in Kuwait and that in a combat hospital, we created a safe space for vulnerability and emotional release which fostered a sense of emotional well-being and satisfaction.

Simply, I loved Tabitha and I believe she loved me. I professed my love to her as I whispered to her as we hugged the last time as I walked out of the terminal headed home.

"Janie, I will always be yours and yours alone, heart, mind, soul, and spirit." She whispered.

***

I returned from this deployment a very sad woman. The Army in its wisdom had separated Tabitha and me. As we were not a married couple, even in today's definitions, we were not eligible for the couple's program benefits of like location assignments. There would be an extremely slim percentage of us ever being stationed together. She was headed to a heart transplant team at Ft. Bragg. I was headed to Brooke Army Hospital in San Antonio, TX. I would be assigned to the Operating Room team there.

My heart was aching; my desires were to be in North Carolina with Tabitha. I knew that wouldn't happen. I wouldn't use the term depressed but I felt after the last four months of beautiful love and time spent with Tabitha, I would never meet another as lovely as she.

I started my allotted five day drive leaving Ft Stewart very early on Wednesday morning. I hoped to get a good day's drive. The GPS display shared that I could make it to Pensacola, Florida if I drove seven hours straight through. I arrived at 1700, found my hotel and made my way to the beach looking forward to a walk on the wet sandy beach.

I woke up on day two refreshed. The weight and stress of my last assignment now behind me. I was looking forward to a new start in a new hospital. I still carried with me the sorrow of still missing the love of my life in Tabitha. I cracked the Texas State Line staying in Beaumont, finding a nice hotel and a bed to relax in. After two straight days of driving, I needed a bit of a rest. I arrived early in the afternoon.

Waking the next day, I knew it would only take four and a half or five hours of driving to get to San Antonio and Brooke Army Hospital. I was two days ahead of schedule but was still taking my time.

I woke up late Saturday. The strain of driving the past three days was starting to get to me. I thought I would go for a bit of a jog, shaking the cobwebs from my body. I had until tomorrow night at 1700 hours to arrive and sign in to my new unit but I also wanted this over with.

Erring on the side of, "let's get this drive over with and fuck it's hot outside", I trashed the idea of a job and I showered, dressed in a nicer t-shirt, my everyday shorts and flip flops and finished this drive. It was just after dinner time Saturday night when I pulled into the Troop C Company Headquarters, St Sam Houston, TX. I signed in from my leave and PCS TDY. The Captain there gave me the location of a BOQ and I headed off.

Sunday morning was amazing. The sun was bright; glaring bright as I stepped out of my BOQ and made my way, via signage, to the track and fitness center. I decided on a slow jog ensuring I wore my sturdy sports bra and a loose top. I needed the girls to be contained. I when I finished I made my way back to the BOQ, found some food and started my life as an OR nurse and soldier in San Antonio.

***

I was excited to meet the new team and to tour the facility. Seeing this amazing Medical Center with newer and state-of-art equipment had me feeling so alive. I could thrive here as a clinician assigned to the Operating Room team. I completed a full week of in-processing which included the dreaded Army PT test and a weigh in. Let me tell you, in my opinion, there is nothing more embarrassing than a woman wanting to take your height and weight while wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

God it is just embarrassing to me.

The next three days were hospital orientation, then three meetings with process and policy teams, and two different medicine tests. Goodness! I was mentally worn out and just needed to end this administrative nightmare.

Finally on Friday I was 'released' from the administrative paperwork and processes to my nursing supervisor. I would wait for them to come down and escort me to the unit. It wasn't more than 15 to 20 minutes when I was greeted and walked up to the OR Charge Nurse office.

Thirty minutes later Maj. Rebecca Milner dismissed me for the day telling me to go relax and be ready for my first shift the next day.

***

I got into the flow of life in Texas. The heat wasn't as bad as expected, I mean seriously, I had spent 9 1/2 months in the heat of Kuwait City. I had found a wonderful little apartment a nice distance far from the hospital. It was an easy commute for me and well frankly, it was just a space and all I really needed. I didn't have that much as far as personal stuff, but the one bedroom apartment suited me fine. I had a nice separation from the base, a work life balance thing.

If there was a drawback so far in my life, it's simply was I hadn't heard from Tabitha and I was missing her dearly. I had left her several messages through email and eventually tried to call out to Fort Bragg, trying to find a phone number for her but was unsuccessful.

I was invited out by a few of my coworkers for dinner and drinks. Two different men in the complex had asked me out, and I politely declined. Worse yet, a fellow nurse wanted to set me up on blind date. Ironic the date was with a doctor who worked at the hospital; ugh. I didn't need that. I wanted things to be totally separate, or as much as possible.

The downside to all of this? I was getting extremely horny, needy, and sexually frustrated. It had been seven months since I had been with Tabitha and I missed the feel and touch of a lover.

I had gotten off and was sitting in the nurse's lounge just breathing and unwinding a bit when the door opened. One of the other OR Nurses walked in and took a seat. I recognized her; she was on the burn team.

"Was it a tough day?" I gently inquired.

She just nodded and dropped her head. I continued watching her for a moment then decided to get my butt moving. I only had 15 hours until I needed to be back here. I stood, grabbed my jacket, wallet, key fob, and my phone. As I turned, shutting my locker, I saw Gail still sitting there almost in tears.

I then knew she was a younger nurse, not as experienced but not a rookie. I sat down next to her, this time I was right next to her.

"Sometimes I talk about it. Other times a good glass of wine fixes it."

I paused and I saw the first tear roll down her cheek. I stood and walked to the sink, grabbing a tissue or two and came back sitting with her again. I handed it to her; she just sat there not moving.

I took the tissue from her hand and dabbed at her tears. As soon as I made contact she broke down and wrapped her arms around me crying harshly. I just let her cry it out. Sometimes we just need to cry.

When Gail stopped her heavy crying I hugged her closer. "Better?"

She sniffled and nodded her head still on my chest.

"See now doesn't it feel better?"

She pulled back slightly. Her head was still low; I wasn't able to get a good look at her face or in her eyes.

She seemed so fragile, so young.

I hugged her tighter one more time. But this time I let my hand slowly move up and down her back, softly caressing her, comforting her.

"Gail, we all have days." I whispered in her ear. "We all have days out there with our patients challenge and change us."

It was when I said this I finally felt her touch me. It was hesitant but her hands moved flat on my sides just at my ribs.

Oh god! I am such a slut, a horrible person. Here I am comforting my colleague, her touch felt so warm, enjoyable and needed.

Christ!

My mind is screaming.

Gail slowed her breathing and her tears. I pulled her closer for one final hug. I released her from my arms but she seemed to hesitate. I kissed her cheek carefully in a friendly manner.

"If you ever need me, I am here. I know what this hell can be like Gail." I smiled leaning back from her then stood.

Gail looked up with the nearest definition of a smile on her face. I winked and turned to leave when I heard her whisper.

"Janie, do you mean that? I mean you seem..." she looked down, "Straight."

Oh fuck!

My mind screamed inside. I walked back over to Gail and took a seat. Very carefully I placed my hand on top of hers which were curled up in a ball in her lap.

"Gail, I am shall we say, in a holding pattern. Straight? No dear." I looked directly in her eye, "Not by a long shot."

She smiled and opened her hand, now flat against mine.

"Let's take a pause; it's not a flat out "no". Let me recommend a few days for us to pause. We should each ponder this deeply, reflecting if this is what is wanted for each other."

I stood still holding her hand. 'I am a steady day shift as are you. I am off Tuesday and Wednesday before going back on Thursday. I offer you my Tuesday; a day of sightseeing and lunch. Interested?"

She stood immediately and pulled her hands from mine and hugged me. She kissed my cheek. "God yes Janie, yes!"

She released me from the hug and thanked me for my kindness and comfort. I walked from the nurse's lounge almost dizzy wondering why I am waiting to have Gail in my bed. I got home and showered, ignoring my run. I crawled into bed naked with my vibrator enjoying myself just dreaming and teasing myself.

***

On Monday I finished my shift, it was a terribly challenging day with back to back to back cases which challenged me not only physically but emotionally. The last case was a younger male soldier, an Infantry Sergeant.

It was his ninth operation to repair his leg and hip. The orthopedic team here and they amaze me constantly. This was a reconstructive and plastic surgery, more for him to look normal without so much scaring.

I was sitting in the lounge when I heard the door open and voices of other nurses gabbing about their plans.

I laughed inside, my plans, a good book, panties and a t-shirt, curled up on my couch with that last glass or two of wine in the bottle left in the refrigerator. Hmm, a solid plan. I was actually looking forward to the potential sightseeing trip with Gail, but tonight was mine.

I heard the door open and more voices. They were chatty as well but then I heard my name.

"Janie! You are still here." It was Gail. "A few of us are going for an early dinner. Come with us, please."

She smiled and winked. Oh god my plans! How I wanted my wine, book and couch.

"Yes? Come on Janie we will have a blast. Come unwind with us." Another commented.

I looked at Gail. There was desire in those deep green eyes.

I nodded. "Sure a glass of wine and appetizers sound perfect."

Gail's face beamed with a bright smile. We all agreed to clean up and meet in a few minutes. The first ones there would grab a few tables.

Not too much later we had tables pulled together and nine of us settled in at Radickes. We order drinks and an assortment of appetizers. I knew I had a bit of a drive home; therefore I had one glass and no more. As folks were chatting about this or that, I chimed in when I was asked or when I thought my thoughts mattered. I stepped to the ladies room having had my fill of one glass of wine, plenty of water, and Hot Cauliflower, cheese sticks and good fried potatoes.

After using the lavatory, I stood at the sink washing my hands. It was then I turned and saw Gail standing there, her hands softly at her hips. My heart started racing, my breath was starting to quicken a bit when she spoke.

"I have a favor to ask of you and I am going out on a limb Janie."

I finished washing my hands and grabbed a paper towel. I nodded. I could see her nervousness; her hands were shaking a tiny bit. I dropped the paper towel into the trash.

I took another step closer, close enough to whisper in her ear. I bent forward my lips almost at her skin. The scent of her perfume, the aroma of her body, the scent of her shampoo, it was a challenge for my restraint.

"You will follow my text instructions. I have clothes for you to sleep in. In the morning, we will go to your home and get your change of clothes for our hiking and sightseeing date."

My lips touched her skin finally with a soft gentle kiss just below her earlobe. I pulled away and walked out of the ladies room heading back to the table.

***

I reached into my purse grabbing my phone acting as if I had a message. As casually as I could I sent a text to Gail which included my address.

'I am a bit quirky, you need to know. The door will be unlocked, leave your shoes at the door then come find me. Janie'

Drinks were finished, a few started to leave heading home. One to a spouse and one to her family. A few were working tomorrow.