I've known Alice for a long time, since I was only twelve. I just turned eighteen and I started college already. I'm going to a junior college and living with my folks, to save some money and because I don't know what I want to study yet. Alice lives by herself. She is about thirty. She divorced her husband and moved into our apartment building. We liked each other right away. I found it easier to talk to her than to my mother, in fact.
Alice has long blonde hair and green eyes. She dresses very nicely but in a conservative manner. She teaches at a Christian private school so that must be why. I still ask her about makeup and clothes, what she thinks of mine. She is more like a friend than just a neighbor.
That all changed one day when she knocked on our apartment door. It was late in the afternoon but my folks had still not come home from work. "Connie," she said, her beautiful green eyes full of tears, "I am so sorry."
"What, what is it Alice?" I said pulling her into our apartment.
She held out a small box. "I opened your mail by mistake. I was sure it was the makeup I ordered from QVC. It wasn't though, and then I looked at the label and saw your name. I am so sorry."
"That's okay, Alice," I said. "No harm done. Let me see." I took the box from her and realized immediately what it was.
"When I took it out, I thought it was lipstick."
"No, it's not lipstick, silly. It's a vibrator."
She looked at me with her beautiful face one big question mark. I had ordered a mini vibrator off the web and it came with a plain label, very unsuspicious, from Blahblah Research. I had ordered from them before and never aroused any suspicions from my parents. Of course, I usually got the mail before they got home. "It's too small to be a vibrator," she said skeptically.
"No, it is a special purpose vibrator. It's not the kind you see in WalMart, for your back. It's designed just for your clit."
"Huh?"
I knew she was naΓ―ve. I also knew that she did not have a boyfriend. Neither did I and I understood her completely. It's not just the STD's; boys are flaky and stupid and they talk too much. I had never met one that impressed me for more than the space of time it took for him to open his mouth. Alice, of course, worked in that very stuffy school and she had had a bad time of it with her marriage. I had just assumed that she pleased herself as I did, even though we had never talked about it.
"Well, you have a vibrator, don't you?"
"Connie, I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought vibrators were used for massages, for atheletes."
I laughed and pulled the little gem out of the box. "You are kidding, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not. That thing is too small. See what I mean? It looks like a libstick."
"C'mon back here, to my room." I motioned for her to follow me. When I got to my room, I opened my closet and pulled out a shoe box from the bottom of the stack. I opened the lid and showed her my collection. I had the standard issue, one shaped like a cock, and a strap-on butterfly that I wore to concerts sometimes, just for fun. I reached inside and pulled out a battery. I popped it into my new mini and turned it on. "You've seen these before, right?"
"No, Connie, and I'm tired of your asking. I led a sheltered life, even after I was married. Tell me or I'll beat the crap out of you," she said, laughing and pushing me playfully.
I looked at her like a teacher would look at a student, feigning authority. "They are for pleasing yourself, for getting yourself off, for having orgasms without worrying whether or not the man is going to come before you do and leave you in the lurch, horny and frustrated."
A look of understanding dawned on her face. "Wow," she said quietly, picking up the one shaped like a man's penis, my least favorite, but okay for special occasions, like Halloween. She turned the dial and felt it hum in her hand. "Why do they need to vibrate?"
A good question, actually, and one I didn't exactly understand myself. "I don't know, Alice, but I know that it works. Put one of these babies in the right place and let it vibrate, and you will come. It's heavenly and very therapeutic." I smiled and she looked like she understood. "You just use your fingers?"
"Yeah," she said. "I didn't know there was another way. Why is this new one so small?"
"It's just for the clitoris."
"How do you use it?"
I smiled. "Well, I would show you but you might not like that."