Brooklyn hadn't changed in the short time I had been inside The Near Horizon's offices, still wrapped in the crisp grey of early January, but as I left it seemed a drastically different place to the one I had escaped from a couple of hours earlier. The bracelet at my wrist had gone quiet again after sex with Lydia, and without its insistence the city felt like it was in the aftermath of a summer storm, one that takes the pressure and humidity with it. I may not have loved New York, but that afternoon I was able to see it with a different pair of eyes, and I drifted on my way to the hotel Chris had booked for me. The handful of spontaneous pictures I found myself taking were handily better than anything I'd ever captured there before.
It was early evening by the time I found my way to the converted townhouse off Atlantic Avenue where I was staying. The hotel suites were another exercise in gentrification, far too showy to really be to my taste, all trendy expense at the cost of any sense of soul. It was the sort of place I would never justify paying for myself, but then I was on Lydia's dime not my own. Climbing the large set up steps up to the front door, I headed to the desk where a pretty black woman about my age waited to book me in, with her hair tied back in dreadlocks and a bust that strained against the regimented smart-casual of her uniform.
The bracelet felt half-awake, watching my interaction with the receptionist with seeming disinterest through non-existent, bleary eyes. The other woman's gaze caught my own on several occasions as she took my details and fetched my key, accompanied with slight smiles that left me unsure if they carried interest or were simply professional. I couldn't tell if suddenly being left to my own devices again was reassuring or disarming, and stumbled my way through her unclear attentions, more awkward than I would have been otherwise, feeling oddly vulnerable.
I'd already made plans to meet up with some old friends from Toronto later that evening, regardless of how the interview went, but still had a few hours to kill in my suite. Which I quickly discovered felt far too large for what I needed. I'm pretty simple when I travel, I just want a bed, a shower and a place to set my Macbook. The suite I'd been given however came with an added large living space, kitchen and extra bedroom, and left me feeling a little lost in all the space between the high ceilings and wood panelled floors. Exactly the sort of place to make you aware of how alone you are with the loudness of your thoughts.
I grabbed a Diet Coke from the mini bar and opted to try and settle in on a couch that was apparently designed to look stylish rather than actually be sat on. I'd come away from The Near Horizon with a contract to look over, setting out my (extremely generous) pay, conditions and expenses, along with the long-list of places they were looking to cover. There were several I'd already been to, a handful I was desperate to see, and a smaller number I knew next to nothing about. The prospect of spending hours meticulously researching and planning, neatly jotting things down in the notebook I always kept with me, would normally have been something that would have grabbed my attention and refused to let go. I should have been beside myself with anticipation. But as the immediate rush of things with Lydia had settled and the incessant press of the bracelet had given way to clarity, I instead found other creeping thoughts pulling at my focus.
'If I'm Honest.' Lydia had used the exact same phrase as Dani and Alice, and I found myself dwelling on how, for whatever reason, I knew for certain that the words that came out her mouth after were nothing but that. Honest. But even knowing for sure that Lydia wanted me for the job regardless of what had just happened, I was left trying to figure out if I was excited or ashamed at the idea I'd just fucked my way through an interview. With hindsight it was probably both.
Bothering me more was how I still had no idea why any of this was happening. The bracelet was involved, that much was plain, even if it was now dormant in silvery sleep, but I was no closer to knowing how or why. It might be obvious by now, but back then I wasn't exactly great at not being in control. I only really got as far as deciding to request Cartagena in Colombia as my first trip before I tried to contact Alice for answers. The unread messages and three unanswered calls just pissed me off more however, and I found myself agitatedly pacing the room. What if this happened again, I wondered. It almost fucked up my dream job interview, what was to say it couldn't happen again? Ruin my job, get me arrested or deported. I couldn't and wouldn't risk letting it ruin my career like that. And the more I dwelt the idea that my helpness might just be at the expense of someone else's cosmic joke the more I began to stray into frustration.
Ok, fine, I became a bit of a petulant bitch.
Rummaging through the suite's kitchen looking for anything that might help me make another attempt to cut through the bracelet's chain doesn't rank among my proudest moments. I managed to snap a pair of kitchen shears apart trying to squeeze them shut around unyielding silver before moving to a chef's knife. I only gave up when that blade also nicked while the bracelet itself remained immaculately unmarred. The thought even crossed my mind that I might be able to break my thumb like they do with handcuffs in the movies. However, since I'm definitely not cut out for that sort of thing, I settled on simply screaming at it out of confused exasperation.
"What the fuck are you!?"
As weird as the day had been, I wasn't expecting what happened next. Stood in the kitchen, shouting at my wrist, the bracelet answered back.
'I swear, I've done this over 200 times and nobody else was this much of a pain in my ass from the start.'
The words glided directly into my mind, spoken in a rich female voice. I looked across at where the chef's knife still lay upon the countertop and I clearly remember how my first instinct was to take several steps carefully away from it. With a voice now in my head, I decided I had indisputable proof I must be going insane, and in that context being near anything sharp felt like a particularly bad idea. Or at least that made sense to me at the time.
"What the fuck..." I repeated, my tone quickly shifting to something much quieter, edged with a very real sense of panic. My feet moved without me really thinking, carrying me towards the nearest chair which I obligingly slumped into. The world narrowed towards me as I felt my heart rate rush.
The voice sighed and I could practically feel the exhaled air, tickling away in my mind, before it spoke again, thick with exasperation.
'Look, Riley, you need to calm down.'
"There's a voice in your head and you're definitely going crazy Riley," I said to myself, shaking slightly in my agitation. "If there's a time not to be calm this is it."
'I get it, you've had a weird few days, but you're far too smart to think this is all in your head.'
The voice came again, soothing.
It was right. As much as it was the quickest answer to write this all off as simple insanity, I couldn't really deny how what had happened to me today had been very much outside my head. It wasn't possible to just conjure Lydia into fucking me across a table with some manic hallucination. A part of me knew, was viscerally sure in a way I can't really explain, that something else was going on, and acknowledging that certainty was oddly reassuring.
'Of course you're not hallucinating, I'm too clever for that. Now take a couple of deep breaths for me, ok, good.'
Slowly I did as it said, sucking in air, then out again, with a faint puff of the cheeks as I willed the pace of my anxiety to slow. If nothing else it at least gave me a sense of even a trace of control back, and I did my best to draw the room back into focus around myself.
'Down here on your wrist.'
I looked down in the direction of the bracelet, understanding that however the voice was reaching my head, it was coming from there. It saw my recognition, and I felt a smile spread through my thoughts.