Author's note: When I started this series, I thought I'd stop at the first chapter but all of your kind words and requests for more made me cave once, and now twice. The big challenge in this series is finding a way to move the story forward realistically while staying true to the characters that you all loved. I believe I managed to do that again here.
For now, my intention is to end this series here, but who knows? I keep saying that then I have a short light bulb moment that shows me the way forward, and I can't stop myself from writing the next part. We'll see, no promises.
Heads-up for my regular readers: this story is more explicit than my regular style. You'll see that the situation dictated that. However, many of you liked my writing because it was less explicit than average, so I'd love to have your feedback on whether or not you are ok with this new direction, or if you prefer the previous ones. Please comment or send me a message with your thoughts.
*****
I had almost run out of her apartment to my car. She wanted to take things slow and I agreed, but at one point during that long kissing session, I started teetering on the edge of the abyss, ready to jump and praying she would catch me.
She had straddled me like she suggested earlier, but when I agreed to her proposition, I hadn't taken into account the fact that she would be almost sitting in my lap, grinding rhythmically to every kiss, with her jeans rubbing so deliciously on mine. I hadn't thought of how impossible it would be to stop my hand from slipping between us, looking to touch her and see if she was as hot and drenched as I was. And I hadn't anticipated how intoxicating it felt to be beneath her or how powerless she would make me.
For over an hour, I relinquished all control and let her take the reigns, and what a beautiful surrender that was! But when I sensed her hands run across the bare skin below the hem of my t-shirt, as I stared deep into the abyss and saw myself free-falling, I caught my footing and shook myself out of this euphoric state of abandon and stopped her.
The way she looked at me then, like a kid who just dropped his ice cream scoop and was left with an empty cone, almost made me remove my hands and let her take advantage of me. But I had to be stronger. This wasn't a one-night stand or a quickie in the bathroom of a bar. This was Kate, my Kate, my best friend. We weren't ready yet.
"Not yet," I whispered against her neck and kissed her there. If she was so soft and addictive on the outside, I couldn't help but imagine how smoother and tastier she would be on the inside.
"Uhm, you're right." She took her hands from below my shirt and looked at them as if she didn't know where to put them or what to do with them now that they couldn't touch me anymore. For a few seconds, I followed her confusion until she eventually settled on reclining back and dropping them on her thighs.
"I should probably leave."
She was staring at me with what I would later call her "horny face", eyelids slightly dropped, pupils dilated, with pure adrenaline and endorphins almost jumping out of her eyes. I wondered whether my own face betrayed my arousal as much as hers did and if she could sense how difficult it was for me to control that.
She suddenly jumped and was in front of the sofa on her two feet. She extended her hand to me and as she was pulling me up, I felt my knees wobble and had to hold onto her to stop myself from falling.
She laughed and after she helped me steady myself, she brought her forehead to mine and stared deep into my soul. She used a quasi-hypnotizing voice to speak the next words.
"You're standing on the ground now. I'm going to let you go. You'll have to use your legs to stay steady." She grinned and brought our hips closer. "Remind me to get you a cane or a wheelchair if we go further next time." She kissed me quickly on the lips and let me go.
I smiled and summoned all my strength to pick up my purse and walk as fast as I could out of the door.
The drive home was short and uneventful, thankfully. My senses were alert but they weren't focused on the road. I wasn't thinking nor was I replaying the scenes. There was just an overwhelming sensation of pressure, as if I was under water, and my ears were ringing loudly.
Everything came crashing the moment I stood in front of my apartment's door. I couldn't believe that I had left a few hours earlier, with a deep secret and no intention to even reveal it to myself. Yet here I was, standing in the same spot and nothing would ever be the same. I still had trouble convincing myself that this had just happened. I had kissed Kate, tasted the delicacy that is her tongue, let my hands wander for a long time on the velvet of her skin. And the best part? She had kissed me back, she had shared my fears, my anticipation and my attraction.
"I broke up with Sam," I said matter-of-factly. I leaned against the hallway wall facing my apartment's door, dropped my head sideways and held the phone there with my shoulder. My hands went into my jeans pockets and I started toying with the inner fabric, a nervous habit.
"I broke up with Tim," she answered with as much detachment in her voice as I had felt in mine.
I should have been sad, or at least guilty, but I wasn't. I didn't even remember how the conversation went, just that I called Sam when I parked my car and it was over quickly. It was the appropriate thing to do, given that I had just spent an hour kissing someone else.
"Are you O..." We asked simultaneously and then started laughing.
"I'm standing outside my apartment. I can't open the door because that would mean this night is over and I'm going back." I confessed.
"So open it while you're talking to me. That way, the night doesn't end at the door. That way, I go inside, with you." I chuckled and she instantly understood why. "We're back to the dirty jokes now, eh?"
"Told you I'm good at taking it both ways."
"So this is how it's going to be? You will always spin everything that comes out of me?" Despite this conversation taking place on the phone, I could clearly see her smile with a twinkle in her eyes.
This playful banter was just a facade we were both putting up to forget how crucial these moments were, but it was just as important to keep things light. We could have a tedious conversation discussing our hopes and fears, where and how fast we wanted this new relationship to progress, share some tears and hugs and eventually make out sweetly while holding hands. We could also tumble on top of each other, disregarding any common respect or emotion, and jump feet and hands first into an intensely physical relationship. But those possibilities weren't us. They didn't fit us.
The wordplay, the mischievous back and forth of spicy jokes felt more authentic to our friendship and dynamic. It was us playing it safe, keeping an opening for a U-turn should things blow in our face. It's not that we needed a two-way ticket — we never wanted to go back to being just friends — but we had to at least provide each other with that option.
It was also our way of moving ahead while not plunging too fast, gauging each other without getting too emotional, respecting the sanctity of what we had while still flirting with the promise of a better future. There would be a time when we'd have to be too serious, too touchy-feely, or too horny, but that wasn't this moment. Now, we needed the light quips that maintained the illusion of simplicity.
And I had to keep playing the game so I followed with a paltry, "Comes out of you, goes into you, I wouldn't mind spinning it. But it's not like you need my help flipping things around."
She chuckled. "Well, I always say there's a certain advantage when you come from a different perspective." She was definitely getting better at this game, with replies hitting me before I even had time to recuperate from the last ones.
I had to reclaim the winning hand so I decided to change the rules and even the playing field. "Kate," I whispered, "is that an invitation?"
She didn't reply instantly, and I knew I now held the cards in my hand. Her answer was serious. "That took me by surprise."
"Trust me, when I take you, you'll see it coming," I blurted quickly and laughed heartily.
"Is that a promise?" She asked sternly, unfazed by my trick or the fact that I had just one-upped her.
I fell silent and nodded, not even realizing that she couldn't see me. She didn't need to.
"Open the door."
I obeyed without a word, knowing she could hear the keys turning and the door squeaking open and closed.
"Hi," she said, in that same earthy tone that tickled me in all the right spots.
