Some years back I had a client, well clients, who had some real issues with their marriage. I outlined their problems and their resolution in the story "I am what I am." The guy was doing well at work and had become a manager. He had two women in his section who had real difficulties getting along. When they went to a WFH option last year it went well, but as soon as the office reopened, their mutual antagonism came back. It was now threatening to spill over and create a seriously toxic culture in their workplace. He asked me if I could help, seeing as how I was really into improving human relations.
My first reaction was to politely decline, but talking on a bit more there were three factors I thought interesting. Both were single, in their late twenties, graduates, second, they were both from different fundamentalist sects and third, one or both would lose their job if it wasn't sorted out. They are both excellent at their work, imaginative and creative, valuable employees, I was told. That was a challenge I couldn't resist. I accepted and the first appointments were made. Things had been a bit slow because of the pandemic, but I was still doing okay. I must admit it was great to watch a video of the Terminator getting a jab while sitting inside his truck. Although, he missed a great line, he could have said, "I'll be bahk," then pause, "For anudder jarb in two wveeks."
The first woman arrived at the appointed time and we started.
Her name was Charlotte, from the South. A small dark haired woman, who was likely 20 pounds underweight and looked like a stiff breeze could blow her over. The more we talked, the more grateful I was to religion, in sending me another client. She loved her job and felt she was really good at it. I also found out that she wasn't happy about being here, but it was made obvious that she needed to attend to sort her problem with Claire, out. We talked about her problem with Claire in some detail and it was really enlightening.
The second woman, Claire, was tall and mousy hair, from the Mid-West, and could likely afford to loose 20 pounds. She was harder to get to, but eventually, she admitted that her relationship with Charlotte was an issue that could become a barrier to any further progress with that company. She didn't say it, but I had the feeling she was already looking for another job, even though she really loved this one. I probed her feelings about Charlotte and that too proved enlightening.
I asked them back for a second session, separately, and constructed a questionnaire for them to respond to. The second session came, when they completed the questionnaire and, without me looking at it, we went on to delve a little deeper into their mutual antagonism. That was really interesting, once Claire got started, she made it very clear that Charlotte made her feel vulnerable and seriously uncomfortable. Charlotte, in her turn, said pretty much the same thing. I reviewed the completed surveys, and they too revealed that same feeling of vulnerability, and insecurity in relation to each other.
For their third session, I contacted them and asked if they thought they could come and be in the same meeting. Reluctantly, they agreed. They both arrived at the appointed time and I sat them down on the sofa chair while I took the chair opposite. I laid out clearly the rules of this encounter, I wasn't going to be a referee, so they had to speak politely, listen carefully and above all, be honest. We started with a couple of stress relieving exercises before we got right into it and I got the ball rolling by explaining the responses to their questionnaires were so much alike that either one of them could have replied to both questionnaires and I would likely not have picked up on it, except for the handwriting.
We made some real progress that session, well at least they were not clawing each other's eyes out, so I made an other appointment. A few days later, their boss rang me and thanked me for what I was doing. Seems some of the tension building was disappearing. He made another appointment for himself and his wife and that also relieved a lot of the tension that had been building, in the best way possible.
The next session with the women came and I again had them on the couch. This time, I had them hold hands while I reviewed what was covered. This made them feel out of their depth, which is precisely what I was trying to achieve. I also went over the similarities in their lives and came upon two main points.
"First," I said, "Neither of you have admitted to having a boyfriend before. You both claim that you've been too busy, too tied up with career, occasional travel and so on. You also both have strict religious backgrounds, yet are unwilling to extend some of that famous Christian charity to each other. Charlotte, please look Claire in the eye and tell her what you said in your questionnaire about how Claire makes you feel."
Charlotte's eyes widened, a little in surprise, she stammered a little, then, somewhat reluctantly turned to Claire, looked her in the eye and said, "I said that you make me feel uncomfortable, vulnerable somehow." She blushed, looked away quickly.
"Now, you Claire," I said, "Same thing."
Claire froze, looking like a startled rabbit. "Come on Charlotte, look at Claire."
"I said that Charlotte makes me feel lost a little, out of my depth, really open and uncertain." Neither of them looked away from each other.
"Thank you both for your honesty," I said. For the rest of the session, I had them talking about what they were feeling and they made great strides in building a better relationship between them. The session ended and we made another appointment for a joint session. I noted that all through that session, they hadn't let go of each other's hands and when they stood, there seemed to be a little reluctance to do so even then.
We got together at the next session and they sat on the couch and without being asked and took each other's hand. I asked how things were going and they said that they were really getting along much better. I talked a little about what I do, about resolving difficulties, building better relationships usually for individuals and couples.
Claire picked up on it and asked, "Like marriage guidance?"
"Sometimes," I replied, "But I prefer to call it couples therapy, unless I am working with a single person."
"Couples?" asked Charlotte.
"Yes, like you two."
"But-but we're not-" Charlotte stammered.
"Claire, would you please kiss Charlotte." Claire was shocked initially, but I repeated the instruction, in a no nonsense voice she responded without hesitation. She kissed Charlotte on the cheek.
"No. Charlotte," I ordered her in my best Presbyterian minister's voice, "Kiss Claire, on the lips." Charlotte didn't move but Claire did. She reached up and held Charlotte's face and leaned in to kiss her. I could see from both their reactions they were flushed and breathing heavy, their eyes wide opened, pupils dilated, and I could see Claire's erect nipples outlined on her blouse. In short, they were both aroused.
