If I close my eyes, I can still picture the first moment I smelled you. You were sitting on the Green Line with a bag of groceries on your lap, your earphones plugged in, looking sweaty and annoyed with loose strands of dark hair illuminated by the setting sun behind you. Your Heedley's Gym tee-shirt was damp at the neckline and armpits. You had a red gym bag resting at your feet. You were looking forward as though you were willing the train to take you home faster.
We were the only two people in the car, and I practically fell over when the train lurched forward from the station stop. I grabbed a support bar and stood up, my face hot with embarrassment.
You turned and smiled at me. "Watch out," you said.
I think my heart was beating out of my chest. From the way you were looking at me, I could have sworn you knew what was on my mind -- knew what I'd been thinking when I was too distracted to hear the sound of the closing doors.
But you couldn't have known.
... Could you?
When I feel almost fell over, it was because I'd been breathing you in. Your scent had suffused the entire train car: a smell like raspberries and petrichor and the seaside. As intoxicating as the smell of gasoline. As potent as tequila. I was drunk with you from the second I entered the car. I was imagining pressing my face between your smothering breasts, kissing beads of perspiration from your sternum. I was imagining you sitting on me in the vestibule, forcing my snub nose against your dark asshole, gasping for breath in the warmth between your thighs.
I've always had a vivid imagination. I've always had a strong sense of smell. You commented on it, once, when I knew you were crushing mint to make mojitos before I even entered your apartment. "Emily, you could smell that through the door?" you'd exclaimed. And I smiled shyly, because the truth was that I had smelled the mint from your walkway.
I had smelled your perfume from the street.
Maybe that's strange. I've just never lived without it, so I can't say for sure. I've always organized the world by sense of smell. I never have thought of myself as a strange person...I've always thought of myself as being pretty boring, in fact. I'm slight in build, and my hair is the color of a field-mouse's fur. I've got a flat chest and a skinny waist, a butt that's nothing to write home about. I'm the sort of person you might see in a bus terminal perusing the newstand and look right through, not even registering that there was a person standing there in front of the magazines.
Unlike you.
You have a magnetism that's undeniable. Men turn to look at the way your hips swish when you walk past them. Women look enviously at your luscious raven hair and your effortless style: you look like a celebrity when you wear yoga pants and a plain tee shirt. How unfair is that? You get more looks in your work out clothes than most girls get in their lives.
I don't care, though. Maybe it's for the best that people look through me and stare at you. Maybe that's how your boyfriend has never caught on after all this time... although, Brian is sort of an imbecile, I'm sorry to say. Whatever. I'll get back to the point.
After the first time I saw you -- and smelled you -- I knew that I needed to make our paths cross again. So I went to Heedley's Gym. I had no idea if you were even a member or how many times I'd have to go to run into you. I barely even had any workout clothes. Thank God that I was lucky. The first time I went, there you were in the window, running on a treadmill with your earbuds in.
Then your eyes met mine through the window.
I stopped walking. I was paralyzed. My heart leapt to my throat.
You smiled at me.
And then it was over. I was now hopelessly smitten. I signed in as a guest with my stomach fluttering, feeling as though they'd see that I was an imposter. I went to the locker room and set down my gym bag, wondering what the hell a person is supposed to do in a gymnasium anyway, and my luck struck for a second time when I saw your red gym back. It was just sitting there on the bench -- I guess there wasn't space for it in your locker. You must of figured, 'Who is going to want to steal my sweaty clothes?'
Well.
Joke's on you, isn't it?
I snatched the pink panties from the gym bag and zipped it back up. I stuffed them into my pants pocket as though I were trying to hide marijuana from a police officer. As though someone was going to come out at any moment and say, "Hey! This pervert girl is taking the dark-haired girl's panties!" My heart pounding, I tried to leave the scene of the crime. I rushed out from the aisle of lockers --
And ran directly into you.
"Hey!" you said, your voice friendly. "Don't I know you?"
I don't know how I even responded. I was sure you'd be able to hear my heart thudding inside of my chest. I guess I must have gotten something out about the train, because your face lit up in a smile of recognition.
"Oh, yeaaah!" you said, pointing your finger at me. "I've seen you on the Green Line. Do you live around here?"
I explained that I did, and we traded our home stations. Turns out we lived close -- walking distance. I was stammering like an idiot, but you kept on me.
"Listen, I'm sort of new to this area," you said. "I've been looking for, like, a work-out buddy? Someone to just keep me accountable and make sure I get my butt out of bed." You fixed me with a quizzical look, one hand on your hip. "Wanna swap phone numbers?"
And just like that, my luck struck again.
Now, with your phone number and your panties, I stealthily made my way out of the gym. I passed some people who definitely must have wondered why I wasn't sweating, but I didn't care. I just had to get back to my apartment where I could take out the panties. When I got to my apartment, I made a b-line for my bedroom and slammed the door. I practically threw off my clothes and dropped down on the bed. I put your panties against my face and inhaled.