Note: I suggest you read the first two part of this story to understand the characters and the plot so far.
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The two women stood up from the table. Amanda seemed to hesitate a second, so Marie took her hand and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this, sweetie?" She smiled reassuringly to the older woman.
"No, I'm not sure," Amanda said. "But I'll never know for sure unless I try it, right?" She smiled weakly back at Marie.
"Okay, I just don't want to push you into something you're not ready for."
"No, it's okay, let's go." The two women walked out of the room, Marie leading the way. Amanda did have some doubts on her mind. It wasn't her relationship with her husband, Phil, that was holding her back. It was the fear of opening a door, a potential Pandora's box, into her desires and psyche that was the concern. What if she enjoyed the experience too much? What would the implications of that be for her life as a faculty wife and mom in their small town?
The three glasses of wine had taken just enough of an edge off of the decision to allow Amanda to follow Marie. Amanda was certainly aware of what she was doing, but could admit to herself that without the alcohol, she would have been unlikely to have agreed to what had transpired so far with Marie, never mind what was still to come.
"You want to stop for another glass of wine on the way?" Marie had stopped in front of one of the rooms that contained a bar.
"No, I don't want any more, thanks. And if we stop at all, I'm not sure I'll be able to continue," Amanda said with another weak smile.
"Okay," Marie responded reassuringly. And holding Amanda's hand, she continued walking toward the back and the hallway to the playroom.
Just as they passed another room, Angie came walking out, hair a mess, and breathing heavily. She looked surprised to see the two other women. "Wow, that was some wild dancing! What's up? Where are you guys going?"
Marie and Amanda looked at each other for a brief second. Marie hesitated, waiting for Amanda to speak up, but she was quiet and looked back at Marie. "Um, we're heading back to the playroom," she said quietly.
A look of surprise crossed Angie's face. She turned to Amanda. "Really?"
Amanda looked down at her toes, unable to meet Angie's eyes. Angie read her lack of confirmation as doubt about what she was doing, and wanted to make sure she was okay. She put her hands on both sides of Amanda's face, and gently raised her head so that their eyes met. "Amanda -- are you really okay with this?"
Amanda still didn't answer for a few seconds, but then dropped Marie's hand and raised both of hers to place them over Angie's hands on her cheeks. "I don't know, Ang -- I really don't know. I feel like I want to give it a try, but I'll admit I'm scared."
"Well then let's sit down and talk about it, sweetie." Angie turned to Marie. "You okay with that?"
Marie had a slight look of exasperation on her face. "Hey, look -- I don't want to push her into anything, I just thought she was looking for a good time," she responded.
"Let me talk to her, and we'll come find you in a bit, okay?" Angie said to Marie.
"Fine, I'll be here."
Leading Amanda by the hand, Angie led her back to the room with soft music in it, and sat down at a table. Amanda was still looking down at the ground.
"What is it sweetie? Talk to me." Angie once again lifted Amanda's head as she spoke, this time with a gentle hand under her chin.
"I thought I wanted to do it, Ang," she responded. "I liked the attention she was paying to me, and I liked kissing her. It was very sensual, in a way I've never experienced with Phil or any other man for that matter. As she was touching me, I was thinking that for the first time I really understood what Ellyn had been telling me about how it was between two women, and how it was different than with a guy. So I thought, this is my chance to really experience it. But then I got, I don't know, just a little nervous I guess when the reality of going back into that room hit me."
"What was it? Was it the idea of doing some of those things with Marie, or the idea of there being other people around?"
"I just don't know, Ang -- I'm so confused!" With this Angie noticed a small tear running down Amanda's cheek. She leaned across the small table and pulled Amanda close to her, putting her head on her shoulder. She patted her back. "It's okay, hon, it really is." She continued to rub her back until she felt Amanda's sobs stop, and she pulled back again. "What you're feeling is very natural. Look, you're conflicted by these feelings, and I'll be the first one to tell you it's not easy to deal with it."
Amanda took a handkerchief out of her purse and dabbed at her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I've just never felt this way before. I do want to explore these feelings, but I just don't know. . . ." She let the thought trail off.
"Stay here, hon, I'll be right back." Angie got up and left the room, returning a few minutes later with two glasses of seltzer with limes in them. "Here, drink some of this, it will make you feel better."
Amanda took a drink of the water, then put her glass down and smiled at Angie. "Thanks, that does help."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Angie asked her.
"Sure, I think I'm okay now."
"Look, sweetie -- you're in a situation you've never experienced before. You're away from home, away from your responsibilities as a wife, and a mother, so I think it's natural for you to be feeling that sense of trying to explore who you are and what you want. And I'm sure the wine didn't hurt," she added with a smile.
Amanda smiled back at her. "No, I'm sure it didn't hurt, though I think I'm beginning to sober up, which is a good thing I guess." She took another sip of her seltzer.
"Tell me honestly, Amanda -- have you ever fantasized about being with another woman?"
Amanda hesitated a few seconds before answering. "Well, I don't know if 'fantasize' is the right word, I mean I've never masturbated thinking about another woman." This confession made her blush a bit, a reaction that was visible to Angie even in the dim light of the room. "I have thought about it, especially when I've been talking about things like that with Ellyn. So I guess I'd describe it more as a curiosity." She took another sip of the seltzer. "Does that make sense?"
"Sure," Angie confirmed. "I understand. Look, I'm certainly not going to tell you what to do. But I will tell you that I think it's very healthy to explore our desires, to figure out what it is we want in life. Some things are probably best kept as fantasies -- or 'curiosities,' as you put it -- but some things are worth trying. I'm a firm believer that you don't want to reach some point down the road and regret not having tried something before it's too late."
Having realized how she had put that, Angie quickly added, "Not that I think you're approaching a time when it would be too late for you to explore this side of you."
Amanda laughed, but then was quiet, thinking about what Angie had said. "What do I want?" she thought to herself. Amanda could see her friend was deep in thought, and decided she had to let her work some of these things through on her own. She respected her silence, and sat back waiting for her to respond.
After a few minutes, Amanda finally spoke up. "I think you're right, Ang. There are some things I have to think about. But I think that the hesitation I had about Marie was the setting. When we bumped into you, and you asked me about it, the image of what we had seen in the playroom earlier flashed into my head. And I guess that shocked me just enough to think about whether I wanted to go and put myself into that situation. So as I thought about it, I had some doubts about whether that was something I could really do -- sex in a public place like that with some woman I just met. Especially as my first experience."
Angie placed her hand over Amanda's. "That is a big step, sweetie. I mean, you're not likely to bump into anyone you know here, but the scene in the playroom is not for everyone."
"Yeah, I guess that's what I realized. Maybe someday that could be me, but it's just not who I am right now." She drank some more seltzer. "I hope you're not disappointed in me?" she asked Angie with a weak smile.
To that question, Angie reached across the table and gave her friend another hug. "Absolutely not -- you need to be true to who you are, that's the important thing hon." She leaned back again and looked at her watch. "Hey, what do you say we get out of here. It's already 11:15."
Amanda put her glass down and stood up. "Yeah, you're right. I think I've had enough of this place for one night."
Angie joined her standing, and said, "Okay, let's blow this joint." The two women walked out of the room, heading for the exit. Before they got there, Amanda stopped. "What is it?" Angie asked.
"Should we go find Marie and tell her I'm leaving?" she inquired.
"No," Angie replied, shaking her head. "Don't worry about her. I'm sure she'll figure it out on her own, and if not, if she sees me in here another time she'll ask."
"Okay," Amanda responded. She followed the other woman out the door and back to her car in the rear of the building. As they pulled out of the lot, Angie asked, "You want me to take you back to the hotel?"
"Yeah, I think that's best, thanks," Amanda responded as she sank back into the seat of the Miata.
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