Note: I suggest you read the first two part of this story to understand the characters and the plot so far.
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The two women stood up from the table. Amanda seemed to hesitate a second, so Marie took her hand and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this, sweetie?" She smiled reassuringly to the older woman.
"No, I'm not sure," Amanda said. "But I'll never know for sure unless I try it, right?" She smiled weakly back at Marie.
"Okay, I just don't want to push you into something you're not ready for."
"No, it's okay, let's go." The two women walked out of the room, Marie leading the way. Amanda did have some doubts on her mind. It wasn't her relationship with her husband, Phil, that was holding her back. It was the fear of opening a door, a potential Pandora's box, into her desires and psyche that was the concern. What if she enjoyed the experience too much? What would the implications of that be for her life as a faculty wife and mom in their small town?
The three glasses of wine had taken just enough of an edge off of the decision to allow Amanda to follow Marie. Amanda was certainly aware of what she was doing, but could admit to herself that without the alcohol, she would have been unlikely to have agreed to what had transpired so far with Marie, never mind what was still to come.
"You want to stop for another glass of wine on the way?" Marie had stopped in front of one of the rooms that contained a bar.
"No, I don't want any more, thanks. And if we stop at all, I'm not sure I'll be able to continue," Amanda said with another weak smile.
"Okay," Marie responded reassuringly. And holding Amanda's hand, she continued walking toward the back and the hallway to the playroom.
Just as they passed another room, Angie came walking out, hair a mess, and breathing heavily. She looked surprised to see the two other women. "Wow, that was some wild dancing! What's up? Where are you guys going?"
Marie and Amanda looked at each other for a brief second. Marie hesitated, waiting for Amanda to speak up, but she was quiet and looked back at Marie. "Um, we're heading back to the playroom," she said quietly.
A look of surprise crossed Angie's face. She turned to Amanda. "Really?"
Amanda looked down at her toes, unable to meet Angie's eyes. Angie read her lack of confirmation as doubt about what she was doing, and wanted to make sure she was okay. She put her hands on both sides of Amanda's face, and gently raised her head so that their eyes met. "Amanda -- are you really okay with this?"
Amanda still didn't answer for a few seconds, but then dropped Marie's hand and raised both of hers to place them over Angie's hands on her cheeks. "I don't know, Ang -- I really don't know. I feel like I want to give it a try, but I'll admit I'm scared."
"Well then let's sit down and talk about it, sweetie." Angie turned to Marie. "You okay with that?"
Marie had a slight look of exasperation on her face. "Hey, look -- I don't want to push her into anything, I just thought she was looking for a good time," she responded.
"Let me talk to her, and we'll come find you in a bit, okay?" Angie said to Marie.
"Fine, I'll be here."
Leading Amanda by the hand, Angie led her back to the room with soft music in it, and sat down at a table. Amanda was still looking down at the ground.
"What is it sweetie? Talk to me." Angie once again lifted Amanda's head as she spoke, this time with a gentle hand under her chin.
"I thought I wanted to do it, Ang," she responded. "I liked the attention she was paying to me, and I liked kissing her. It was very sensual, in a way I've never experienced with Phil or any other man for that matter. As she was touching me, I was thinking that for the first time I really understood what Ellyn had been telling me about how it was between two women, and how it was different than with a guy. So I thought, this is my chance to really experience it. But then I got, I don't know, just a little nervous I guess when the reality of going back into that room hit me."
"What was it? Was it the idea of doing some of those things with Marie, or the idea of there being other people around?"
"I just don't know, Ang -- I'm so confused!" With this Angie noticed a small tear running down Amanda's cheek. She leaned across the small table and pulled Amanda close to her, putting her head on her shoulder. She patted her back. "It's okay, hon, it really is." She continued to rub her back until she felt Amanda's sobs stop, and she pulled back again. "What you're feeling is very natural. Look, you're conflicted by these feelings, and I'll be the first one to tell you it's not easy to deal with it."
Amanda took a handkerchief out of her purse and dabbed at her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I've just never felt this way before. I do want to explore these feelings, but I just don't know. . . ." She let the thought trail off.
"Stay here, hon, I'll be right back." Angie got up and left the room, returning a few minutes later with two glasses of seltzer with limes in them. "Here, drink some of this, it will make you feel better."
Amanda took a drink of the water, then put her glass down and smiled at Angie. "Thanks, that does help."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Angie asked her.
"Sure, I think I'm okay now."
"Look, sweetie -- you're in a situation you've never experienced before. You're away from home, away from your responsibilities as a wife, and a mother, so I think it's natural for you to be feeling that sense of trying to explore who you are and what you want. And I'm sure the wine didn't hurt," she added with a smile.
Amanda smiled back at her. "No, I'm sure it didn't hurt, though I think I'm beginning to sober up, which is a good thing I guess." She took another sip of her seltzer.