Thanks to Bebop3 & norafares for allowing me to be a part of this event. I love Paul Simon and I love this song. I also really love "we fell in love in october" by girl in red and "Carmen" by Paula Cole; I listened to them nonstop while dreaming up this story. You'll see why.
Also, thank you to blackrandl1958 for editing and to D for the encouragement.
Hope you're all doing as well as you can during these insane times and that the world looks a whole lot brighter for everyone soon.
*****
It was over. Or, it had to be over. Soon.
Emily finally confessed as much to her sister after secretly thinking it at night, after turning out the lights and tossing and turning and listening to fairly angsty music, for months. It had begun as a whisper, an intrusive thought that Emily had flicked away as if it were a meddlesome gnat. And then it became a fucking Gregorian chant. Emily would watch Will doing all sorts of trivial things—playing video games, snoring, aggressively commenting about an episode of whatever show they were watching—and think
we need to break up, we need to break up, we need to break up
. There wasn't even a concrete reason, either.
Julia tilted her head as she studied Emily for a moment before cracking up.
"So thrilled that my heartbreak is your amusement," Emily said, stepping over a large crack in the sidewalk.
"Sorry. It's not." Julia stared intensely at Emily. Emily loathed that particular look; it meant her sister was doing far too good a job of reading her thoughts. "And stop being dramatic."
"Dramatic? Me?"
Julia just smirked. They crossed the street before she continued talking. "I guess I laughed because I'm not surprised."
"Excuse me?"
"You and Will act more like siblings than we do."
Emily scoffed. "That is wildly inaccurate."
"So, if you think it's over, why don't you break up with him?"
"Oh, like it's that easy?" Emily thought of Will's face, his earnest eyes, his patient mouth. How he'd saved her life, years before when she had settled into a rather impenetrable depression, and how now was her turn to be there for him since he'd lost his mother several months ago. "It's not. You know that."
Her sister nodded. "Well, breakups are rarely ever easy, right? But you're really doing him a favor, too. He'll eventually see it like that if he doesn't at first."
That was one problem; Emily was pretty certain he wouldn't. Another problem was that she was terrified of being alone after being in a comfortable eight-year relationship with someone she truly viewed as a great companion.
Breakups are strange in general, she thought. In many ways, no matter how one views relationships, love, monogamy, etcetera, one's partner is usually first and foremost a
friend
. The partner usually has compatible interests and friends become shared. Members of a couple are more than just boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or lover. They're obviously not just a friend, either. They are ensconced into your life until it is hard for you or for your friends to accurately identify who's who, like one twin who absorbs the other.
Bill becomes "Jenny's boyfriend". Anna is "Tom's wife". Even after the dissolution of a relationship, Lauren is "Vanessa's ex-girlfriend". Sam is the "dick who broke Adam's heart". You get the picture.
Because of this, breakups are hard. Maybe you're not even in love with them, anymore. Perhaps you can't recall exactly why you thought dating them was a good idea. The things you fell in love with then are exactly the things you loathe now.
"He likes to eat in bed," you tell your friend. "It's kind of cute."
Later, it becomes, "He eats like a fucking monster and I sleep on two fucking inches of cookie crumbs. I hope he fucking chokes."
"She's spontaneous," you confess to a friend over a beer. "I never know what she's going to do. It's fucking hot."
Later, it becomes, "She's literally insane. I never know what she's going to do. It's fucking awful."
Sometimes there's no real reason, either. Sometimes you change, or they change, or maybe it's just the world that changes. Something shifts and you wake up one day and look at the person in the bed next to you and realize you can't remember the last time you had a conversation with them: when you last even liked them, let alone loved them.
Sometimes it's a messy combination of all those scenarios.
"You still with me?" Julia asked, drawing Emily from her thoughts.
She sighed. "Yeah. I just... I can't talk about this anymore. Declaring it over out loud feels like a good first step. And can you please not bring this up to Jeremy when we get to his place?"
Jeremy was Julia's longtime boyfriend. As lovely as he was, she didn't want him to know about her relationship problems. He was constantly chiming in when Julia got on her about chasing her dreams and all that other sentimental nonsense, and the problem with that was he actually did make sense, which was somehow frightening and annoying.
"Should I bring up another unpleasant topic and ask you about work or should we talk about some bullshit?"
"Work still sucks," Emily said. "Jake keeps sending more and more tasks to my work queue and shrugging when I say there's no possible way for me to make their deadlines on my own. He's an asshole."
"You could complain about him." Julia took a deep breath and got that intense look in her eyes again, making Emily sigh. She felt like all she did was sigh lately, and she hated that so many of aspects of her life had become lecture-worthy. "Or you could finally finish the songs you were working on; I haven't forgotten about them."
Emily tried to be patient with her sister. "I don't have the motivation or time for that right now."
"Life doesn't wait for you to be ready."
Emily shook her head with a reluctant smile. "Are you quoting Dad to me right now?"
"Maybe I am," Julia laughed. "He's right, you know. And so am I. I hate seeing you unhappy."
"I'm not unhappy."
Julia's eyes narrowed and she slowed her steps. "Then what are you?"
And the real problem was that Emily just wasn't so sure anymore.
*****
They arrived at Jeremy's party a little early, but it seemed the other guests had the same idea. Julia spotted him in the crowd after scanning the room and dragged Emily over with her.
"You two are late," he accused, handing them both wine. "Was almost afraid you weren't going to show for my little birthday party."
Emily looked around at the impressive amount of people packed in the small space. "'Little', right. Jeremy, how the hell do you even know this many people?"
"I'm very likable, if you hadn't noticed."
She sipped her wine and smirked. "I hadn't."
Julia snorted and Jeremy put a hand to his chest.
"Ouch." He opened his mouth to say something else but his attention was snagged on something behind Emily. She turned and spotted a woman making her way toward them that she didn't recognize.
She was tall, much taller than Emily, with olive skin and glossy back hair that hung over her shoulders and rested just below her breasts. She was quite pretty, Emily realized, and found herself watching as she approached. Emily also admired the olive-green dress she wore; the soft fabric was draped elegantly over her body and flowed down to her gold sandaled feet. She looked like she'd just been plucked from some faraway island that smelled like spices Emily wouldn't be able to name.
"Hi," she said when she'd finally navigated her way through the crowd. She leaned over to kiss Jeremy's cheek. "Took me ages to get here. Traffic."
"At least you're here now. This is my girlfriend, Julia. Julia, this is Carmen from work."
Julia smiled and nodded. "Carmen, I've heard so much about you! I hear you're keeping Jeremy sane."
Jeremy was one of the city's most sought after real estate agents. He was amazing at his job; his picture was plastered on various billboards and he even had a commercial that played on the TV and radio.
"Nice to meet you," Carmen said, smiling a little. "He keeps me sane, too. Especially lately."
"And this is Julia's sister, Emily," Jeremy added.
Carmen turned her dark eyes toward Emily and nodded. Emily ignored the strange sensation rolling through her body, which felt as if someone had unleashed thousands of vibrating marbles inside of her, and nodded back.
"So, what's new tonight, ladies?" Jeremy tugged Julia close and pecked her on the nose.
It used to bother Emily, the PDA they shared. For a long time, she couldn't put her finger on exactly why. They weren't nauseating about it, and it never lasted long, but it had always made her extremely uncomfortable and sort of hollow. She had talked it over with her therapist at the time, who had uttered a horrible word in attempts to explain it—envy. Emily had balked at that. She worked hard over the years to shed the strange jealousy one can only feel about their sister. She tried to stop comparing herself to Julia, ignored how she was taller and thinner and blonder and happier, but her therapist had pointed out that she really hadn't done that at all. That she was actually a little resentful and perhaps a touch bitter that her sister was in a demonstratively affectionate relationship and that the closest Will had done to show her the same was when he'd had too much champagne at their college graduation and decided they should dance. Having had adequate champagne, herself, Emily had agreed. They twirled around her parents' living room, bumping into relatives and friends. He dipped her a couple of times and then ran off to the bathroom to throw up. Wasn't incredibly romantic, her therapist pointed out, as if Emily had needed that defined.
She got over the uncomfortable feeling. Now she just felt hollow.
"Emily has relationship angst," Julia sighed.
"For God's sake. You said you wouldn't say anything!"
Julia shook her head. "You asked me not to say anything. I simply didn't agree."
"You know I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Yeah, because you're the queen of repression. Are you ever able to relax, or will all of your issues come flying out?"
"Now, now, girls, it's my party. Be nice to each other." He took a swig of his beer and then looked at Emily with twinkling eyes. "Relationship angst, huh?"
"No," she snapped.
"She wants to break up with him but they're too codependent on each other," Julia explained. She smirked and took a sip of wine. "She thinks it's a good idea to spend forever with him just to be polite."
Someone called Jeremy's name and he started off in that direction, bringing Julia along with him. "I want to hear more about this later. Tell Carmen all about it. She can help."
"Fuck off." Emily gave him the middle finger when he laughed at her.
