Five Years and Four Days

This is an edited version of the original. Mostly correcting for typos and awkward sentences. Please update the title of this piece as "

Five Years and Four Days Ch. 02

" with the revised description as "

Day Two - Mixed messages... and a kiss

". Thank you!

Preface

Part two of four. Getting closer to the good bits now. Thanks for hanging in there. Probably need to read part one first to get the gist of all this.

<strong>FIVE YEARS AND FOUR DAYS - DAY TWO</strong>

--

EVENING -

-

ALEX

The trip to school took a little longer as I travelled along with the evening commuters from the city. Jess had texted saying she had to stay late working on something last minute in the Dark Room. I offered to help, and therefore found myself heading back to school yet again.

The work room was empty when I walked in, so I headed into the adjoining dark room itself, where I found Jess processing about a dozen prints.

She looked up as I came though the double curtains.

"I can't believe you are still getting the girls to develop photos old-school. Uh, why are you doing this by yourself?" I asked as the chemical fumes hit my nostrils.

"There was a small ceiling leak in the gallery where the girls hung their work. Ruined quite a few of the prints and the frames. Some of them will be heading over to finish up after supper to re-frame and hang the replacements. I just wanted to get started a.s.a.p." Jess swirled a print in one of the trays.

I stood beside her and waited until she pulled out the print. It was a stunning black and white abstract print of some sort.

"Wow. What <i>

is

</i> that?"

"Intriguing, isn't it? It's a really creative macro shot of a window seen through a piece of ice. One of the sixth formers did this one." Jess said.

"Very meta. I like it a lot," I said. "Okay. How can I help?"

"Can you pull the rest of these through the Stop and the Fixer? The girls will be here as soon as they finish supper, and I want these as dry as possible when they get here."

I nodded, quickly falling back into a familiar routine of washing each print through the trays. Jess and I worked in silence for a while, and I lined up the finished prints to dry on a rack.

Once the prints were dry, we moved them out to the work room. We checked each one to make sure there weren't any scratches or exposure errors.

"Hm..." I muttered as I looked at the one of the last few of the batch, "looks like some dust was caught on the enlarger when this one was done."

Jess rolled her chair over to look. Her face was right next to mine, her green eyes focused on the photograph.

"Yep. We'll have to redo that one..." Jess said as she turned to look at me. I dared not turn, so I kept looking down at the other prints, my skin tingling as I felt her gaze at me.

I nodded in agreement.

"Do you want to do it? Or shall I?" Jess asked.

I finally turned to face her, my eyes drawn to her slightly open lips. "I can do it," I croaked. I quickly looked back down, "just let me know where the negative is."

Jess shifted away and I noticed I'd stopped breathing.

"Here you go," Jess rolled her chair back.

"Thanks," I turned to take the negative, and found myself face to face with Jess again. I must have misjudged the distance, because she was much closer than I'd anticipated.

I stared into those gorgeous green eyes. The air between us felt electric. All of a sudden, I sensed her lips moving inexorably towards mine.

Somewhere in the back of my head, brain cells started doing backflips as I anticipated the kiss.

"MISS WAINWRIGHT!!!!!!! SORRY WE ARE LATE!!!!!!!!!!!" A door crashed open and we broke apart.

My eyes barely focused on the three teenagers that piled into the room, who were totally oblivious to what they just interrupted.

"Miss Kelly kept us for-fricking-ever after supper," one of them explained rolling her eyes in a world-weary way.

"That's because Lauren flicked ketchup onto the ceiling and we had to clean it up, and the dining room ceiling is really high," the other one continued.

"I didn't think it could get up there," the girl who must be Lauren protested.

"Well, what's important is that you're here now," said Jess. She spoke like we had just been sitting there, chatting. My mind was racing. I was in shock. Iiii<i>

I think Jess was about to kiss me</i>

was all I heard in my head over and over again. But she certainly didn't act like she had been about to kiss me - <i>

I must have been imagining things.</i>

JESS

I needed to get us out of there as soon as humanly possible. First, I sent two of the girls off to the exhibition hall to start hanging the prints we had finished, and then asked Lauren to do that last re-print. Alex was sitting quietly at the table, tidying up unobtrusively. Did she even know that I was about a millisecond away from landing one on her lips?

I popped into the dark room to make sure Lauren was on track.

"Who's that in the work room?" Lauren asked when she saw me come in.

"Oh, a friend. She used to go to school here, you know." I explained.

Lauren whistled, "She's hot. Bet she's gay."

I offered no comment.

"Oh wait, is she the one who was at swim practice yesterday? Emma said there was some super-ripped alum who did a class with them or something."

"Super what?" I asked.

"Ripped," Lauren giggled, "you know, all muscles and stuff."

"Ah. Yes." The image of Alex's body flashed in front of me. I cleared my throat. "Yes, one in the same. Her name's Alex - Alexandra, that is."

"Oh - same as my sister.

She

hates being called Alex though." Lauren chatted away, "must be nice to get a visit, huh, Miss Wainwright?"

I chuckled, "Yes, it's nice to see her again. Okay Lauren, if you are ready to go here, please clean up after you are done and bring this print to Charlotte and Libby in the exhibition hall. Can you also shoot me an email once everything is properly up on the walls?"

Lauren nodded, "No problem. Charlotte's got the dark room keys, so she'll come back and lock up later. Have a good time with Alex!"

<i>

I was about to, you clueless adolescent, before you interrupted us!

</i>

ALEX

Jess emerged from the Dark Room and grabbed her bag. "Let's go. The girls have it under control."

I followed her without protest. We didn't speak as we walked to her car, but Jess slipped her arm through mine. I don't know how I continued walking, every cell in my body was flipping out over her touch.

When we got back to her place, I lowered myself onto the couch.

"Thank you for your help with the exhibition, sorry it torpedoed our plans for the afternoon," Jess said and handed me a glass of water.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," I replied earnestly. All I could do was replay the near kiss, and wondering if after all these years of wishful thinking, I was finally losing it.

"Seeing you after all this time has made me realise how much I've missed you," she said.

"I've missed you too," I confessed, looking around the room, avoiding her gaze.

"And not in the way my brother misses me when I fail to turn up for a family dinner?" Jess mused and sat down next to me.

I noticed her eyes flicked down quickly to my lips. I wiped them, thinking I had something stuck on them.

<i>

Where was she going with this?<

/i> "I didn't know you had a brother!" I decided to dodge the question.

Jess shifted on the couch and turned towards me, "Nicholas. Younger by 4 years - about your age, I suppose. I realised today that you have shared quite a bit with me about your life, and I, um, have not been as open with you."

"I understand. You were a member of staff. I was a student." I smiled at her, "Pretty clear cut, I think."

Jess nodded, "Well, quite. <i>'

Were

'</i> being the operative word. Do you want that to change? I mean, now that you <i>

are

</i> no longer my student?"

"Why not? Sure!" I said as neutrally as I could, heart thumping out of my chest. I took a deep breath, but before I could continue, her phone beeped. Jess quickly pulled up the text and punched back some digits.

"That was the Italian place in town reminding me that we have reservations. I do want to keep chatting but let's talk as we go. I didn't realise what time it was..."

We walked out into the warm summer evening. Neither one of us brought up the conversation we started in her living room. I didn't quite know how to bring it up again - and I didn't want to seem too eager.

Jess walked in silence for a while, but eventually linked her arms through mine again. I walked contentedly by her side, hoping she didn't sense how hard my heart was beating.

JESS

I was completely stuck. I knew I felt something for her - the attraction was undeniable; even though it was new, I was certain I didn't want to brush those feelings aside. But I had no idea where to start. My clumsy attempt at a kiss was foiled. And she was not giving me any signs that she even noticed. In fact, she was coming across as utterly uninterested. <i>

Could I have read her wrong?

</i>

If the restaurant had not texted, I didn't know what she else would have said. Suddenly, I realised I'd been lost in thought. Without being fully aware of it, I had looped my arm through hers as we walked. Her proximity was intoxicating.

When we got to the restaurant, Alex placed her hand on the small of my back, guiding me through the door. It was a small gesture, but it made my breath catch. We soon found ourselves seated at a table for two, jammed in between two other tables.

"Here are your menus," said the waiter, who seemed to have materialised out of nowhere.

"Madam, would you like to order something to drink?" he looked at me, pencil and pad at the ready.

"Wine - maybe a Chianti?" I looked at Alex, who was scanning the menu.

"Very well. And you, sir?" The waiter turned to Alex.

I stared at the waiter. Did he really think Alex was a man?

"I'll have the same, please," Alex said. She winked at me knowingly.

"Excellent. Thank you. I'll be back for your orders in a moment."

I stared at the waiter's retreating back and turned to look at Alex.

She shrugged, "Happens ALL the time. I don't bother correcting people anymore."

"But they are wrong! How could they think you were a man?"

Alex laughed, "Most people who know me wonder that very same thing. But I do present as more masculine, so it's the easiest way to categorize me. It's an interesting phenomenon. Sometimes, people think it's because I want to be a man, which I don't, and it always ends up being an awkward conversation when they find out they've made a mistake. They end up blaming me for 'confusing' them."

I shook my head in disbelief.

Alex held her palms up, "It's not a big deal. Really. I actually like keeping people guessing."

I stared at her left hand, which had a huge scar that ran diagonally across the face of her palm. Without thinking, I reached out and took her hand in mine, running my thumb along the scar.

"This is new. What happened?"

"Oh - that," Alex blushed, "it's a little embarrassing."

She made no move to retract her hand. I loved the feel of her hand in mine. Her skin was softer than I anticipated. Tracing the scar with my finger felt oddly sensual to me and, overwhelmed with the sensation, I quickly released her palm. I felt the absence of her touch immediately.

"Do tell," I said, hoping I didn't sound too flustered.

"I was cutting some fruit... a mango. I didn't realise how sharp the knife was, or how thin the mango skin was. The blade basically sliced through the mango into my palm. The bleeding was a little scary. Ended up needing stitches. Quite lucky, to say the least. I sometimes think I should make up some other story, something more heroic..."

"Chicks dig scars," I blurted out, longing to hold her hand again.

"'Glory lasts forever,' Keanu Reeves. 'The Replacements.'" Alex picked up on my obscure reference.

"Spot on, as always." She'd always been very good at catching on whenever I took to quoting movies out of context. I wondered if I had been too obvious; she didn't seem to catch the undertone of my reference.

We chatted away happily after the waiter took our orders and I debated if I should broach the subject of the conversation we abandoned before coming to dinner. Just then, an older couple was seated at the next table. They smiled benignly at us. I wondered if they thought Alex was a man, too.

With all hope of privacy gone, I decided to steer clear of talking about whatever it was that was going on between us - or whatever it was that was the jumble of excitement and anxiety in my head.

By the time dinner was over, we'd had yet another one of our wide-ranging and entertaining conversations. How have I never noticed how well we got along? I knew we enjoyed spending time together, but this was different - or at least it felt like it. When Alex got up to find the waiter for the bill - he had somehow managed to disappear as quietly as he appeared at the beginning of our meal - I found that I missed her.

I shook my head. This was crazy. Throughout dinner, Alex would remind of me things that I'd said, years ago; she asked if I was cold; she noticed my wine hadn't arrived and got the waiter to check on the bartender. Had Alex always been this attentive? Or was she just being thoughtful and this was not anything special?

The older woman at the next table interrupted my musings and said, "You two make a wonderful couple!"

I stammered, "Thank you, but we aren't - "

"My daughter is a lesbian and her partner is like that too. Looks like a boy."

I nodded, "oh! I see."

"They are very happy. Thick as thieves, just like the two of you!" She seemed genuinely pleased to see two women apparently on a date.

"And the Chinese, they are a very enterprising people," said the older gentleman, nodding sagely.

"Are they indeed?" I found myself saying.

Alex returned moments later, thankfully before I had to process the man's comment, telling me that she'd taken care of the bill. I said a quick goodbye to our neighbours and followed Alex out.

"Fancy a coffee before I head back to the hotel?" Alex asked.

"Hm. 'Coffee, tea, or me?'" I quipped.

"Sorry?" Alex looked at me carefully.

"Oh, just quoting from 'Working Girl,' you know, the movie with Harrison Ford and Joan Cusack and that other woman," I blabbed, "it just popped into my head for some reason."

"Huh. I don't know that movie." Alex furrowed her brow, "So, do you want to grab something?"

"Uh, no, I'm stuffed." I linked my arm through hers again, happy to be touching her. "The couple next to us didn't think you were a man, by the way," I reported.

"I wouldn't have guessed that," Alex replied.

"She said her daughter has a girlfriend who is like you; she said, 'looks like a boy,'" I raised my eyebrows, "then her husband informed me that the Chinese are an enterprising people."

Alex chuckled, "I obviously missed a highly illuminating conversation!"

I charged on, "She thought we made a nice couple."

Alex stopped walking and looked at me, "Did she now?"

I leaned my head against her shoulder and kept walking, "I tried to tell her we weren't, but she'd already moved on to telling me about her daughter."

Alex didn't respond.

My brain felt fuzzy. I didn't know what to say as a follow up. I kept wanting to ask her how she would feel about the idea of us as a couple. But I couldn't do it; my brain and mouth wouldn't cooperate. When we got to my front door, I heard her saying good night.

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" I asked awkwardly as I unlocked the door.

Alex shook her head, "I better get back to the hotel. I promised Clash I'd have drinks with her tonight - do you remember Clare Shepherd? We were prefects together."

I nodded, "Yes - how fun! Please send her my best."

"I will."

I took a deep breath, "I know I said I'd have the afternoon free today and I didn't - so we didn't get to spend it together. How about we try again tomorrow?"

Alex grinned, "There's nothing I'd like more." She gave my arm a squeeze and walked back out to the main street to catch a cab.

Feeling like I had at least salvaged the situation somewhat, I flopped onto my couch and tried not to kick myself for behaving like a tongue-tied love-struck teenager.

I replayed the last two days over and over. I kept thinking about what it was like to hold Alex's hand, to trace that scar of hers across her palm, to rest my head against her shoulder as we walked.

My phone rang. It was Cathy. Hoping for a sympathetic ear, I picked up.

"Soooooo... how was dinner?" Cathy asked immediately.

"It was fine. She went back to the hotel, she's meeting another Halsey alum for drinks tonight."

"Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh.'"

"You wanted her to stay?"

"Yes! I was dropping hints all afternoon that I wanted her to stay. I invited her to stay. But she left." I closed my eyes.

"Well, she had plans with someone. Did something else happen?"

"No. Nothing happened. Maybe I turned her off or something."

"I doubt it," Carol said, "I mean, did you tell her you wanted her to stay? Did you send her some signals?"

"Well, given the fact that she's now on her way back to the hotel, it's obvious that I've either forgotten how to flirt, or flirting with women is something beyond me. I kept touching her... and making pointed comments... But Alex wasn't... she didn't respond to any of it... so, nothing happened." I sighed.

"She didn't respond? Or she didn't reciprocate?"

I shook my head, "What? What do you mean? You said to give her some signals. I was dropping some pretty obvious signals, Cathy. But I got nothing back."

"Oh Jess, if you want something to happen, you'd need to drop a big signal. Alex won't reciprocate if you're just flirting."

I sank back into the couch. "Easy enough for you to say. I was being pretty obvious. There's also a chance that she no longer likes me that way."

"She does." Cathy said emphatically.

"Then why doesn't she flirt back? As you said, she's not a student anymore. Why not tell me how she feels?"

When Cathy answered, it was as if she was talking to a particularly dense five year old, "She DEFINITELY likes you that way. Trust me. Alex thinks you are off limits, Jess. So if you want something to happen, you need to let her know that."

"Like how?" I said stupidly.

"Oh good god, woman, this is not your first time being attracted to someone, right? You want something to happen... right?"

I paused. "Yes. I do."

"Listen: in her mind, you've been your usual aloof and tantalisingly out-of-reach self. She's probably dying to tell you how much of a crush she has on you, but doesn't think it's worth trying. Now, she's probably getting your signals and getting completely confused. I don't think she will need a lot of persuading if you made your intentions crystal clear. So skip the flirting and make your intentions known."

"I tried to kiss her. But she acted like nothing happened."

"Why didn't you actually kiss her?"

"We were interrupted."

Cathy sighed, "Listen. To. Me. Trying to kiss her doesn't mean anything in this context. You need to be all over her."

"Oh, so I just stroll up and say, <i>'

Hey Alex, I'm wildly attracted to you so let's jump into bed because that's all I've been thinking about?'

"</i> I winced at the thought.

"No, Jess, I mean actually kissing her, you silly woman! But thanks for that mental image. My goodness."

I squeezed my eyes shut, "Ugh, why do I have to make the first move?"