First Time with a Woman
I remember that night like it was yesterday, even though this event happened over 20 years ago.
We were in her apartment going over what we needed at the grocery store so that we could relax and have dinner together that night, alone. Her children were going with their father for the weekend. My children were on sleep overs with their friends. I volunteered to do the shopping and was preparing a list while sitting at the kitchen table. She was with her two girls in their bedroom getting their things together for their weekend at their Dad's.
She came into the kitchen and leaned into me as I wrote things down on the small slip of paper. I could feel her warmth as she was in my personal space and as she spoke I began to inhale her. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't want her to move, not for a minute, nor did I want to leave to go to the store, even knowing that I would return shortly. I just didn't want that moment to end.
It was daunting but comfortable. Like we were frozen in time. Seemed like forever but only a few brief minutes had passed during that memorable interlude that seemed to have lasted much, much longer.
After reviewing the short list, she spoke softly, almost like whispering, as she added a couple of items I had forgotten. The moment was over as she turned, whisking her hair over her ear retreating back to her children in the bedroom.
I was in a trance as I left shouting to her that I would be back soon. Driving down the street, my mind started racing out of control. I was going over what had just happened between us and dissected my feelings trying to understand why I felt the way that I did.
The feelings that I was having seemed very familiar, but the situation was very, very different. I started to ask myself and I think it was out loud, what was happening? Why and what was it that I was experiencing? What is this strong feeling that had come over me?? Surely it wasn't sexual or was it?
It wasn't sexual, I asked myself, as I truly wasn't lusting after her, or was I? Could it be possible that I wanted more from her? Was this what it was all leading up to?? She and I doing the same-sex thing? Did she feel the same way or was I just imagining that she was lusting for me too? My mind was flooded with questions that I knew only she could answer. I couldn't wait to get back to her and see her reaction when we confronted our feelings.
I picked up my cell phone and called her. It was long before using cell phones while driving was prohibited. I asked her what she was feeling when she was near me a few minutes ago. In my personal space...I wanted to hear what she thought or if she felt those same feelings as I did.
She knew what I meant and that she thought it was 'nice'. It seemed those desires were stirring in her also. Neither of us realized what was going on between us, or maybe we did and didn't want to acknowledge or act upon it. This was a totally unexplored area for both of us. I was unsure what to expect or how to act the next time I was with her and I certainly didn't trust myself.
I realized in that short period of time that it
was
a love I was experiencing and those
were sexual
feelings I was having for her. We had a very deep connection with each other and we both knew it. A bond that comes along so rarely when you find someone that you feel so comfortable and special about.
When I arrived back at the apartment she was in her bedroom putting laundry away. I went into the kitchen placing the groceries on the table. When she entered the kitchen I could tell she was embarrassed about our phone conversation and didn't look at me. I too, didn't know how to react to what we had discussed. The girls had already left for their weekend visit with their Dad. So there we were... alone.
'So, what do you think about what I said?' I questioned her.
'I think you're right Barb. I do have feelings for you and I think you feel the same way about me. Yes, I certainly know what you mean and I did feel something deep between us.'
The sentiment between us in the kitchen that day was overwhelming. We were both nervous and excited all at the same time. We suddenly became clumsy and awkward around each other as we put the groceries away and headed into the living room.
Diane went over to the computer that was set up on a desk in one of the corners and mentioned that she had to finish a report she was working on. She attended grad school at night and was a full time high school teacher during the day. I sat on the sofa and began to surf the channels as we were both pretty embarrassed over the conversation we had earlier.
As evening fell, I left her still working on her school work and headed into the kitchen to prepare dinner. We made small talk keeping the conversation light while we sat and enjoyed our steaks and baked potatoes. It was a meal we had often either at her apartment or at a local restaurant.
During diner, she told me about her assignment that she was working on and I told her about what was going on at my job at a local pharmaceutical company. It seemed we never ran out of things to talk about, ever. I was always interested in her college journey as she intently listened to mine.
Neither of us were lucky enough to have a dish washer in our apartments back then, so we had to wash and dry the dishes by hand. She volunteered to wash as I cleared the plates and stacked them on the kitchen counter.
As she ran the water and began to wash the dishes, I grabbed a dishtowel and stood next to her waiting for a wet dish to be handed to me. The sexual tension between us was building as I watched her clean the dishes and run her hands through the water as it poured from the faucet.
When she handed me a dish I grabbed her hand by accident closing her fingers into mine with the cloth of the towel between us. She looked up at me to see if I had done it on purpose. I guess I actually did.
'What?", she asked looking at me very seductively starring into my eyes. Suddenly, she leaned in and kissed me throwing her wet hands around my neck. I didn't pull away. It seemed like she had been waiting for the right opportunity to act on her impulse. We began to passionately kiss one another, thrusting our tongues into each other's mouths enjoying the excitement of the moment.
'I've been wondering about this for some time now." She admitted as she pulled away from me and returned to her dish washing.
