I had a difficult time when I first came out as a lesbian. Understanding me as a person was hard enough. I had not begun to consider what characteristics I wanted in a partner or the type of relationship I wanted. I knew I longed for companionship. Partners before I came out remained secret, forbidden, and purely sexual. It prevented me from truly satisfying my desires. Necessity drove me to come out. My true friends did not care and my family loved me unconditionally.
At my lowest and most desperate moment, I decided to try a gay bar. I felt I would only meet a loose, drunken woman at a bar and I knew I did not want that. Fear inundated my thoughts. I did not know if I looked gay enough to attract feminine women because I looked femme. Then I had a philosophical debate with myself on the importance of labels when making a real connection.
Naturally, I sat at the bar and ordered a drink. I considered ordering several Jack Daniel's to gain some liquid confidence. I felt out of place, like a new club member who had not received the rules. I had a mental picture of girls kissing at every table and sneaking to the bathroom for more. However, I looked around and saw some women talking, some watching TV, some listening to music, and some sitting alone.
I scanned the room in a clockwise direction looking for single women who stood out. It seemed a logical approach. I spotted a woman at two o'clock with long, curly dark hair, what I liked. She looked inconspicuous. That quality attracted me because I like down to earth women.
I surreptitiously looked back and forth at her and my drink trying to decide what to say. My pulse quickened, my palms felt warm and sweaty, and my throat felt like a desert even though Jack Daniel's dripped down it.
"Don't get your hopes up. She's with someone," the bartender said.
"Who is with someone?" I said.
A grin spread across the bartender's face and her eyes moved in the direction of my two o'clock. "The woman you are obviously trying not ogle," she said.
"Is it really obvious?" I said.
"Yes, but it is ok," she said smiling. "I haven't seen you here before. Are you trying to find a new spot?"
"You could say that." I looked down at my glass of ice that previously contained a liquid. I turned the glass up trying to remove the liquid left between the cracks.
"You know we do have several bottles of Jack Daniel's. I can give you a refill," she said.
"You are embarrassing me."
"Don't worry about it," she said. "I have been a bartender for a while and it's easy for me to spot cruisers."
"I'm not a cruiser. I'm trying something new. I didn't know what to expect and now I am starting to think I made a mistake coming here." I swiveled around to get off the stool.
"Hey look. I am sorry," she said.
I turned around to face her as I felt her hand grab my arm and she leaned over the bar. A chill ran through my body as I looked into her eyes and felt her soft touch.
"Lighten up. I did not mean to spoil your night. Can I make up for it by giving you all the Jack you want?" Her smile reappeared on her face with her eyebrows raised.
"That will do it." I smiled and turned the rest of my body towards her. "The nervous that I felt when I first came in has now doubled, thanks to you."
"Expect the best and that it what will happen," she said
I watched the bartender slowly turn and walk away. I found checking out her ass unavoidable. I could tell she worked out. Obvious muscular definition in her legs pushed through the thick denim of her jeans. She flexed well-developed arms and shoulders in her halter-top as she grabbed a bottle. Her aura appeared soft even though her body looked firm.
As I turned up my second glass, someone caught my eye. I could see a blond woman making eye contact so I went over to her.
"Hi, my name is Lilly. I was wondering if I could sit and talk to you."
"That would be great," she said. "I'm Kelly. I saw you and thought you looked cute. The only thing is I have been here a while and I am getting bored. Could we go to your place and talk?"
"If you want to," I said. There is not anything special about my place but I would like to get to know you. Do you want to follow me?"
Chapter 2
"Please, sit." I tossed aside a throw on the sofa and I motioned for her to sit next to me.
She bounced down on the couch with a smile on her face. Her eyes scanned the living room. "Are you a photographer," she asked, pointing at a wall of framed photos.
"It is only a hobby," I said. "So tell me about yourself. Where are you from? How old are you."
"I am nineteen and from here," she said. Her eyes continued to scan the room.
"I am from here as well. I don't mean it in a bad way but you are younger than I thought. I don't think you look old, but mature." Kelly sprang up from the sofa and walked across the room.
"You have a lot of DVD's." Her finger went over each DVD as she read the titles.
"Yes, I like movies. Would you like a bottle of water or anything else?"
"You are a good host but no thank you." She came and sat back down beside me. "You did say you wanted to talk, didn't you?"
"I thought we could get to know each other like I said. We could watch a movie if you like." I looked at her body noticing her breasts rise and fall as she breathed. My eyes traced from her flat stomach to her smooth, slender legs. Her personality did not stimulate me, but I did not want the night to end a complete waste. Even mediocre sex could salvage a bad night.
"I am not in the mood for a movie," she said, sliding closer to me. She grabbed my arm and put it around her on the back of the sofa.
I leaned in and kissed her. I could taste her pink lip-gloss. I rested my other hand on her lap as we continued to kiss. I felt her gently pull away from me.
"You are a good kisser," she said.
