Finding Myself 3

I am a lesbian woman and I have large breasts. Oh, I also wear glasses.

Although I haven't always been lesbian, well I have, but hadn't realised it, I have always had big tits. They continued growing throughout my teens and to my disappointment in some ways through my twenties as well. I had hoped they had reached their fullest at a respectable thirty six double D in my early thirties. But then, of course the bloody lingerie manufacturers added all those new, E, F, G and H both single and double letter sizes and I was now not only big breasted, but totally confused. I suspect, but wasn't sure due to the new sizes that they kept growing through my thirties and into my forties. As I reached my mid-forties they have settled down, but gravity has now poked its fucking nose into the equation and they have a 'middle aged sag' to them.

That said, I think they are pretty good tits. In addition to them being full and round, they are nice to hold. They are reasonably firm, but not like silicon jobs and they are soft in the middle when squeezed. Not only have I been told that by several lovers, but I know it myself too, after all I feel them often enough!

I sort of suspected that I wasn't quite like my friends when I was in the sixth form at school and had just had my eighteenth birthday. I had been out with boys. I had kissed them, I had put up with the difficulty of their tongues down my throat and the slightly ridiculous feelings of their hands on my tits. I had coped with the scary sensations of their hands up my skirt and had even managed to hold a couple of cocks, not at the same time I hasten to add, but had felt queasy at the thought of them going up me. I had gone along with it, after all I knew no different and letting boys do that is what young women do, isn't it? As I had held their hard cocks, I had a slight thrill, but also a touch of revulsion. I had been undressed and been naked as a boy leered at my body and soon realised that I didn't like that.

Continually with boys I had this mix of feelings; a combination of excitement and revulsion.

That became more apparent as I moved towards losing my virginity. With eighteen year old girls that is such a massive aspect of their life as boys 'rear their ugly heads' and sex becomes so important just, of course as we have to take the exams that decide our university future. And I can tell you writing essays on such subjects as the political history of Europe, apartheid in America or why the fuck Edward the eighth abdicated as your hormones are exploding probably explains why there is a fairly low glass ceiling for women!

So I left school a virgin, well technically at least. I assumed that a girl is one until she is fucked by a guy. I hadn't been fucked properly. By that I mean having a cock in me, although several times different boys had finger fucked me and one had almost licked my pussy, but my stroking of his cock had made him cum all over my tummy, which I found rather sordid. So I left school a technical virgin, but also a young woman who still had not had an orgasm with a boy. It was that I didn't have orgasms that started the alarm bells of 'am I different' ringing.

I began to suspect that my sexual bits and pieces may have been assembled in a different way to most when I preferred playing game with the boys. It was then I realised that I was a bit of a tomboy. That I didn't want many of things my friends, well the girls I was at school with were hardly friends, wanted began to register with me. It was when I heard the boys I was playing with muttering about fancying Annie Fisher, how good Susie Baron's legs were and how they would like to get Julie Harrington behind the bike-sheds that my differences really hit home. For as I heard them say such things I realised I felt exactly the same.

It also hit me when I fantasised about Madonna who had 'admitted' to having bi tendencies, fell in love with Halle Berry and adored the first female pop star to come out kd Lang.

But at eighteen in the mid-eighties, opportunities to explore one's sexuality were few and far between so it took me a long time to get going.

I guess my real 'lessy thing' started when I was in my last year at the all girl's private school I attended. And it hit me very hard.

It started at the school sports day. I wasn't much into sports as running with two fucking great tits wallowing around on your chest is not only unsightly, well I thought it was, although the boys seemed to like it, but is also pretty painful. So I was a helper; putting out the javelins and discuses, looking after the high jump bar, raking the sand in the pit after the long jump and all that sort of stuff.

By tradition, the last event at the sports day is a four by four hundred meter relay with a six teams. The teams were made up of mums, teachers, fifth and sixth formers, pupils from another local girl's school and pupils who had recently left.

Moira Philipson was in the last group. She had been captain when I was in the third form although I hardly knew her then, but as we had sometimes travelled home on the same bus we were on 'Hi how are you terms?' As we lived near each other I had seen her a few times in the last year or two so as she was waiting for the race we got chatting.

She is a tall, nearly six feet, I guess, slim and fairly pretty, without being particularly glam and certainly not classically beautiful, a bit like me without the tits and glasses I thought as we chatted. She had gone on to Durham university, gained a degree and had got a job in the recently deregularised City as a foreign exchange trader working for Chemical Bank. It was rumoured she earned and absolute shitload of money.

"Not in anything today Tina?"

"No, I'm not much into sports."

"I remember now I was your house captain wasn't I and could never get you into the hockey or netball teams, right?" She said smiling nicely at me.

"That's right, you have a good memory."

"Oh yes that I do, it's the only way I got my A levels and my degree. I'm not really that clever, it's all memory and application."

"Well I am impressed that you remember me" I said as I watched her unzip her track suit top. Lifting her head up from where she had been fiddling the zipper down she looked right into my eyes and said.

"I never forget a pretty face either, or....." as she paused, ran her gaze down to my chest and back up to my eyes. "A gorgeous figure like yours."

That was the moment I knew that I was a lesbian.

"Are you going to the ball this evening?" She asked as she sat on a bench removing her track trousers. Her very brief, tight athlete's shorts showed off her slender, shapely and tanned legs that seemed to go on for ever to perfection. They looked so lithe and smooth and gave me such a jolt of sexual arousal that I nearly gasped. As she bent over and I saw her pert, rounded bottom in the tiny shorts I really did gasp. Looking up quickly she caught me looking and smiled.

"Yes I am, are you?" I garbled. Her reply made my heart pound.

"Well I was undecided, but if I could fiddle a seat next to you Tina then I will."

I wasn't sure if she was joking or not so I mumbled something about that sounding nice.

Standing up and moving closer to me she said.

"Do me a favour Tina would you?"

"Yes of course."

"Look after this for me I don't want some fourth form bandit nicking it" she said handing me her track top and bottom.

She loped off to the start of the race leaving me holding her clothing. They were still warm. For some inexplicable reason I put them to my face and smelt them. There was a combination of her perfume, a touch of sweat and that musky smell of a woman. It made me shudder.

Her team came third. As they congratulated the winners and their team-mates I watched Moira cuddling and kissing the other girls and women. I surprised myself by feeling a pang of jealousy together with a rush of excitement as I watched the women kissing and holding each other. I couldn't take my eyes off Moira and watched her pull one of the mums into her arms, press their bodies and breasts together and kiss each other on the cheeks. It was the most erotic scene I had ever witnessed.

*

As I got ready at home to go to the rather ambitiously named ball held in the main hall of the school that doubled as a gym I couldn't get that scene out of my mind. I couldn't also get Moira out of my mind.

We had chatted again when I gave her the track-suit. She made my heart leap when she thanked me and as I watched her dress said.

"Well I wangled it Tina we are next to each other at the table.

She was already there when my dad dropped me off at the school.

She was looking particularly lovely. In keeping with tradition, we had dressed up for the occasion. She was wearing a black, probably silk dress that was quite low at the front. The front of it was wrapped around her and crossed between her small boobs. It was tied at the waist giving the distinct impression that if that was pulled undone everything would fall out. The skirt was tight and impressively, but at the time nineteen eighty eight, somewhat unfashionably short. The whole garment clung to her like a second skin accentuating every voluptuously wonderful curve of her stunningly slim body.

I was wearing a white dress. It was high at the front as I had learned was necessary with my tits, and very tight at the back. It was of on the knee length, but the ultra-tight skirt was slashed up the side almost to panty level. I was wearing black, fishnet tights. I had put my long, nearly black hair up leaving a few tresses tumbling down by my ears and neck. I thought I looked pretty good.

"Wow you look marvellous" I said to Moira

"Thanks Tina" she replied giving me a peck on the cheek. "And you look absolutely fantastic" she went on straightening up and running her eyes up and down my body and stopping as her gaze focused on my breasts. Lifting her eyes up and staring into mine with a quizzical smile on her thin lips she added softly. "Absolutely fucking fantastic."

As she had said, we sat together at dinner and after we were in the small groups of girls and blokes standing around the bar drinking. Several of us danced in a circle and then broke into couples when a slower number came on. I danced with a nerd studying maths and then somehow Moira and I were dancing together, as indeed were several other girls; we by far outweighed the guys.

The music was very loud so conversation was as good as impossible. I saw her looking at me and holding my gaze several times. She touched the back of my wrist a couple of times when making points and, when we got up to go outside for a cigarette her arm brushed against my breasts; well I think it was that way round!

I was excited. I wondered if she was feeling similar to me. Everything seemed to be combining, the booze, our closeness, the atmosphere, the music and now the dimness of the field at the back of the school to create an atmosphere that I felt was laden with sexual expectation. I wondered if she was feeling tremors in her breasts and tummy; whether she was having the slight shudders running through her body and the extra warmth and the tingling that indicates arousal as I was. When we had been dancing and I was holding her round the waist her body felt taught, like a coiled up spring waiting to be released. Now, in the dimness of the outside as I looked into her eyes I saw that they were sparkling and staring back at me. I had no experience with women, but they seemed to have a look of sheer want and desire. Like me, she seemed to be breathing quite heavily. Neither of us said much as we smoked our Marlboro reds.

I wanted her to do something, say something that confirmed what I was hoping and thinking. I wanted to kiss her, hold myself tight to her and I wanted to see and stroke her boobs. At the same time I was so nervous, apprehensive and scared, I suppose. Sure I was full of bravado, yes I kidded myself on how adventurous I was and for certain I gave the impression of being very experienced and up for anything. But really I was still a kid; I hadn't reached my nineteenth birthday yet. I wasn't that experienced in sex at all, let alone with women, for it was only this afternoon that I had become emotionally at least a lesbian.

But she didn't do anything. I guess she was as unsure as me, after all trying to pull anyone is a risky business isn't it? Especially when it would be as unconventional as two women together particularly in such a public setting. So, in the end nothing happened. Nothing that is other than us walking back into the school very close together and going back to the bar. The last time we had done that was when we had left the dance floor hand in hand. Her hand in mine was one of the most erotic things I'd ever experienced. The feel of her skin on mine, the softness and the warmth of it, the slight, almost impossible to discern, caress of her fingertips on the back of my hand and the gentle squeezing from both of us was, quite frankly, as exciting as having a man's hands on my breasts, in fact the reaction in my body and mind was very similar to that, but without the tad of revulsion I usually felt.

It was those feelings that filled my mind as I lay on my bed later that night. Those feelings and my imagination creating pictures in my mind of Moira naked beside me. Of her gorgeous body in my hands and my mouth on her nipples. Of her hands between my legs doing exactly what mine were doing; stroking round the almost impossibly wet lips and rubbing alongside the clitoris that seemed more sensitive than it had ever been before. It was her mouth licking my full breasts not my fingers, her teeth gently chewing my bloated nipples not my fingernails and her tongue that was sliding up my pussy not my fingers. And of course it was Moira I was holding as I climaxed alone in my bed.

I didn't see her for a week or so and I suppose those feelings I'd had that night subsided a bit. As part of the end of term celebrations there was a speech day and as we parted after the ball when my dad collected me, Moira had said she would see me there.

Immediately she walked into the hall at the speech day those feelings returned, if anything more powerfully than before. The way she held my gaze just that few seconds longer than was necessary instantly made me wonder what the evening might bring. As the proceedings dragged on I couldn't help keep glancing at her noting that she caught my gaze, held it and smiled back at me nearly every time. Her wild mane of chestnut coloured hair that she was wearing loose was tumbling onto her shoulders and falling down her back, the longest tresses reaching to where her bra strap was. The bra strap I could clearly see through the white, cotton blouse she was wearing. She was wearing jeans; tight, blue jeans that fitted her long legs and pert bum so snugly with high heels. She looked gorgeous and I thought so eminently fuckable. The first time I realised with a jolt, I'd ever thought that about another woman!

Other than being close to Moira the evening was a total drag. As it wound up I asked if she would like a lift.

"Oh you have a car?"

"Yes, my dad bought it for me for my eighteenth."

"Lucky girl aren't you?" She said smiling and putting her hand on my arm sending shock waves of feelings through me.

"Thanks for the lift Tina, would you like to come in for coffee, but the rest will be there?" She asked as I pulled up outside the house that she had told me she rented with five friends.

Holding the steering wheel I half turned and looked at her. "No, I'll give that a miss if that's ok."

"Sure," she said softly holding my gaze but making no move to get out.

We just sat there for a moment or two, very close but separated by a mutual fear. A fear that was partly of being rejected and partly, I think, in a strange way, of being accepted. But in retrospect I could see that something had to happen, something had to give, something had to change, something had to make us share our feelings.

"Moira," I said turning and looking at her just as at exactly the same time she said.

"Tina."

We laughed. "Go ahead," I said as she again at the same time said.

"After you."

I could hear the nervousness in her voice and see the apprehension in her eyes, even though it was dark in the car. We looked at each other for a moment or two until she said, in almost a whisper.

"Are you feeling the same things as I am Tina?"

The look on her face as she said that was so caring and intense that my heart went out to her. Instead of responding with the rather smart-arse remark about "how would I know" that firstly came into my mind, I replied, in a voice that was croaky with emotion.

"Yes Moira, I think I am."

"Oh God Tina" were the wonderfully confirming last words I heard before we were in each other's arms her lips on mine stopping any further talking.

It was simply the most exciting kiss I'd ever had: the most intense, the most arousing; the most succulent and the most enjoyable. It was long and tender; long and passionate; long and enquiring and long and inviting. It was a kiss of relief that we'd found each other and one of demand that we wanted more. It was asking and accepting at same time. It was everything a kiss should be and everything that I'd imagined it would be as I'd lain so many nights now, masturbating over exactly what we doing.

Our arms went round each other and our hands, as if on autopilot, found the others breasts. No words were exchanged, we didn't ask permission or give approval. There was no need, it was what our minds wanted and our bodies demanded, it was perfectly natural, the logical extension of the kiss and without doubt the most sexually exciting thing that had ever happened to me.

Somehow a couple of buttons on her blouse had come undone and my hands were on her bra and the bare flesh above it while hers were inside my sweater.

"Not here Tina, not here, it's too public" Moira broke our kiss long enough to whisper.

"Where then? Where can we go?" I asked knowing it wasn't in her house or my home as I still lived with my mum and dad.

"Just drive Tina, take me somewhere quiet, where there's no one around."

I almost smiled as I drove into the country her hand stroking my neck, for once again I realised, I was going to make love in a car, just like with the grubby boys I smiled.

And make love we did. Wondrous, magical, exhilarating and tantalisingly stimulating love; love that was so different, so gentle, so exciting and so incredibly satisfying. It was soft and slow and tender, but it wasn't complete love, it couldn't be, we didn't have the time or the space on the back seat of an XR3 for that.

But we did have the time to bare each other's breasts, to ease my melons and her lemons from the restraining inconveniences of our bras to stroke and caress them, to squeeze and pinch them and to kiss and lick them. We had the time and the space and the will and the desire to make each other cum by stimulating our breasts. I was, at last, indulging my pent up lesbian needs and I loved it. I felt that I had come home and found my natural habitat!

It was on the back seat of my XR3 that I think I fell in love, well at least in lust, for Moira, her tits and body and with lesbian sex. They were even more absolutely gorgeous naked than covered up, well I suppose that's natural and inevitable isn't it? They were so pert and were capped with delightful little areola and nipples that were the most beautiful coral pink. They felt amazing in my hands and incredible in my mouth. Her nipples hardened and protruded well out from her excitingly crinkly areola which tasted like nectar as I sucked them as a baby would at her mother's teats. And her reaction to my oral attention was fantastic and so horny. The groans and moans, the long sighs and deep grunts, the tight gripping of her hands on me and the straining of her body, all combined to thrill me so much. As I made love to those her breasts I didn't know just what it was that was giving me the greatest sexual pleasure, the feel, taste and look of them, the wonderful way she responded, or what she was doing to me. But did I care? No not one bit. I just accepted, enjoyed and loved every second of the pleasure and extreme sexual stimulation I was gaining. Making love to a woman for me was like a duck to water!