Finally Found Myself

I've known I'm bi since I was 16, but heteronormativity and sequential boyfriends in my uni days meant I never got to do more than some makeout sessions. I think my favourite was with a girl a foot shorter than me, in front of a club, with the bouncers cheering us on... The height difference meant I had a fabulous view of her bountiful cleavage, and she pressed up against me in very interesting ways.

But time moves on, through sixteen years of marriage, three children, and a sudden and unexpected separation. Right from the time he left, I declared I was done with men. I had a plan in mind, that I'd mark the anniversary of him leaving by finally getting lady-laid in a spectacular fashion.

Lockdown had other plans. The anniversary was spent alone with the Literotica lesbian section. By the end of lockdown in my country, I was bone-achingly lonely and touch-deprived. But on the bright side, the kids could go to their father's again.

I made the most of my first kid-free weekend in two months. I'd been chatting to a woman, B, on Her since December, and we'd hung out quite a few times. She was older than me, with warm, dark eyes, a self-effacing grin, and gentle, strong hands that gave a hell of a shoulder rub. That spark was there, and had been from the start, but we'd both been working through our own challenges, and taking things slow.

Before lockdown, we'd shared a bed, just to snuggle and sleep. After lockdown, after eight weeks of loneliness, there was only one way the evening was going to go, and we both knew it. There was pleasure in the anticipation.

We started the evening, as we had before, with a shared meal and cider on the couch, and a roaring fire. We watched Hannah Gatsby's Douglas, and laughed until we cried. Every giggle became a reason to lean closer, for hands to brush, for our eyes to meet.

As the show ended, I stretched. Working from home wasn't always great for my posture, and my neck twinged. B offered a shoulder rub, and I lost no time in agreeing. I lay on the floor in front of the fireplace. Her hands slid around my shoulders, neck, and back, pressing and rubbing, warm and strong. She smoothed the knots away, leaning hard when she had to, in that delightfully painful way. I was glowing by the end, acutely aware of her touch.

I rolled on my side and looked at her.

"Um," I said. "So, I'm going to use my words like a big girl, and, um, check that we're on the same page here. What would you like to happen, and where are you, um, at in terms of, um, expectations?"

So fucking smooth, I know. But I'm too old for coy assumptions and games. That way lies drama.

She met my awkwardness with honesty, as I knew she would. "I'd like this to happen," she said, "and I don't have expectations of you. I know you are really busy with the kids, and I'm busy, too. Let's just enjoy each other when we can."

Perfect.

I leaned towards her, one hand cupping her cheek as our lips met. We kissed, and an electric jolt shot through me. I was already wet, wetter than I'd been in years. I wanted her, wanted to touch her, to taste her.

Kisses grew bolder, and hands started to explore, brushing casually up arms and across stomachs, trailing sparks. Her hand brushed my nipple through my shirt, and I gasped. Our eyes met, and without saying anything, we stood up and headed for the bedroom.

We lay down beside each other, kissing as our hands found and teased the soft, secret places where you might not expect sparks; the inside of an elbow, the line of a collarbone, the area where waist becomes pelvis. The exploration was slow and languorous. We had time.

Hands grew bolder; she cupped my breast through my shirt, and deliberately dragged her thumb across my nipple. I gasped. I couldn't believe just how aroused I was. Another stroke, and I was trembling. I slid my own hand under her shirt, and found the soft weightiness of her breast. A gentle explore, and I found her nipple. It peaked to firmness between my fingers, and my pussy pulsed and clenched. I nearly came, from that one simple touch; it had been so long.

Shirts and bras came off, and tongues and mouths joined in. We suckled and licked each other's nipples to exquisite hardness. I gasped and giggled in nervous wonderment at each exquisite sensation; it was genuinely like losing my virginity all over again, but with the benefit of understanding my body, and having a lover with patience and know-how. And really spectacular boobs.

Mouths on nipples left hands free to wander, and they did. Her hands traced circles over my stomach, then stroked the inside of my thighs. Tingles followed her fingers, and I couldn't stop my pelvis moving. Her hand came back to my belly, and crept under the waistband of my pants, then into my underwear. She slid a finger between my lips, into my gooey wetness, and suppressed a groan as she pulled her finger up over my clit.

Once. Just once. And I came, shaking and whimpering and throbbing, utterly unprepared for it. I rode her hand with my legs clamped tight, as she moved that finger delicately against my clit. She laughed at me in pride and delight as I fell back against the bed, and kissed the side of my neck.

I took the chance to remove the last of my clothes, but there was no mercy. Her exploratory finger touched me again, then moved down and slipped inside me, quickly joined by a second. She curved her fingers gently, beckoning and gently thrusting into me, her speed matching my gasping breaths as she guided me straight back over the edge of glory. Pleasure burst inside me and I gushed all over her hand, coming harder than I ever have before.

Our eyes met as I stilled, and we both burst into giggles. She pulled her drenched hand from my pussy, and I reached for it. I brought it to my mouth, and took my time sucking and licking her fingers clean, savouring my familiar taste as I looked directly into her eyes. Delicious.

Her turn. I teased that spot just inside the hip bone that feels so good, then slid my hand lower. She twitched, as if her pussy was begging to be touched, but I skipped over to touch her thigh. I brushed my hand up, under her skirt towards her hip, planning to sneak her underwear off... but my fingers never met any. She was bare under the skirt, her pussy free and ready to be touched.

But not yet. I grazed my fingers up and down the inside of her thighs, closer and closer to her core, teasing her until she was gasping. I moved between her legs at last, and used one hand to spread her lips as the other found her clit. She moaned as I gently rubbed her; her clit throbbing and growing in a way I found completely intoxicating. I couldn't resist any more. I dipped my head and licked the length of her, up over her clit. My eyes met hers over the creamy curve of her belly, and my thoughts were something like "holy shit this is amazing / why didn't I do this years ago? / fuck I LOVE eating pussy."

I set about trying to make her feel as good as she'd made me. Long licks luxuriating in her taste, over and over, slow and steady. Circles around her clit, around and around. I could feel her clit getting hard, and harder; it was incredibly erotic. I couldn't stop humping the mattress as I licked her, hovering on the verge of coming again. I'd literally dreamed of doing this.

Her breathing grew faster and raspier. The sounds and movements she made were so like my own, it was easy to tell what she needed. I gently sucked on her hard little clit, and ran my tongue over the tip.

Then it was back to the long licks, with special attention to the final flick over her clit. I focused on consistency; no surprises, just a reliable rhythm of pleasure, over and over, long langourous licks, over and over.

The whimpers in the back of her throat got higher and higher, and she started to shake. She tasted incredible, and the sightsoundtouch of what I was doing was overwhelming. I slipped a hand down to my own helplessly thrusting cunt and pressed against my clit as she exclaimed and exploded into my mouth, shaking and throbbing and delicious. I came right along with her as she clamped her thighs around my head.

We lay in blissful silence for a few moments. I felt as though I'd found a piece of myself, like I finally remembered what it felt like to fully occupy every inch of my body. Slowly and shakily, I moved up to lie next to her. We smiled at each other, and she gently kissed her taste from my lips.

"Well," I said, "I was right about one thing. I am never going back to men."

We laughed together, and fell dreamily into that doze where sleepy hands slide over bodies in response to realised dreams. Until the next morning... but that's a story for another time.