Feels so Close

[Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors. (Or anything else that's inconsistent) I edited this myself and I actually never planned to post it. Try not to be too harsh in the comments section.][Posting this story has been the biggest hassle in my recent days. It's been like two weeks with straight problems; hopefully you guys like it or it wouldn't have even been worth it at this point.]

----------------------------------------------------------------

I asked her to meet me in a public place. I didn't want her being upset with me for what I was about to say to her. Or better yet have her lash out at me in a fit of anger, why she would even do that was beyond me, in hindsight; but what I was about to tell her went against everything she grew up believing, or so I thought.

I walked into the mall, towards the food court with a thousand butterflies in my stomach. I was determined to do this though. I was panicking when I arrived at the food court as I looking around for her. I didn't see her anywhere. Looking harder my eyes were straining, with my breath caught in my throat, trying to catch any resemblance of her so that I didn't have to stand there by myself looking like a complete idiot.

This always seemed to happen- even before now. Fiona and I would plan to do something and I'd get there first feeling lost and not knowing what to do until she got there.

Preoccupied with looking around the crowd in front of me I was startled by a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see her, letting out the breath I was just holding but sucking it right back in as I took in her beauty. She had her dirty blonde locks tied into a loose pony tail, a single braid in the mix; which she picked up from me in grade ten a little after we met.

Of course she would notice me first I thought with a laugh.

"There you are." I said with a light smile.

"Yep." She said just above a whisper. She was never one to talk loud when she was around people she didn't know, and she was very shy around big groups of people; weather she knew them or not therefore being here in the mall she was fairly quiet, but I could still hear her.

I guess it wasn't cool to bring her here to talk about something so important, to me, but it was a defense mechanism. I really didn't want her to hurt me, physically or emotionally.

"Uh, let's sit, I'm not in a hurry but this is kind of important. Do you want to get anything to eat? I'll buy it. I mean, unless you want to pay for yourself. I wouldn't mind either way. It's up to you, I think I might get something to eat though." I spat out in a rush.

I'm sure she could tell I was nervous but she didn't say anything, she just smiled.

"I'll eat wherever you eat. But I'll pay for myself."

I shook my head and scouted the big area looking for any open places to sit. After I found one I took her hand and guided her, though the mass of people, to the table. Once we sat down I scanned the area, trying to decide on what I wanted to eat; but really I was stalling.

There were tons of good places around and I was having a hard time deciding but in the end I choose Taco Bell- like always. I told her that I would eat there and she laughed, probably knowing all along that I would go there, and gave me her money and order.

I took the walk to the line, it was long but not too long.

I had been standing in line for about five minutes; it making progress, as I was now two thirds of the way through it. I was contemplating avoidance, I'm sure I could avoid doing what I came here to do, but I didn't want to. There was no backing out, I thought to myself as I looked over to our table. Oddly enough my gaze caught Fiona's as it was already looking in my direction. I held eye contact with her for quite a while, my heart beat quickening and my breath slowing down as I got lost in my feelings flashing a smile in her direction. Before she had the chance to smile back someone cleared their throat, snapping me out of my trance, as they asked me to move forward.

I went through the rest of the line without another bump, ordering our food and making my way back to the table.

"So," she said taking a bite of her dollar burrito "What's up?"

"Uh," I hesitated, avoiding eye contact with her "Not yet; how was your day? Did you have any classes?" I asked, opening my crunchwrap, knowing the answer to the question already.

She looked at me for a moment, not saying anything, before telling me about her day and how, even though she told me before, she made sure not to have classes on Thursday and that I already knew that. Thursday was our recovery day therefore we tried to be free all Thursday every week; though I wasn't always able to, unlike Fiona who always was free.

We talked about random stuff as we ate. It was never uncomfortable for us; we'd known each other so long that even our silences were conversations unheard. After an uncharacteristically long pause on my end I took a deep breath; we both knew this was coming.

"Okay," here it goes I thought to myself. "so. Shit this is hard. Okay, Fiona. Hold on." I took a deep breath and sipped on my water. She looked at me the whole time, he expression was unreadable; almost emotionless. Well that doesn't help, I thought. "Fi how long have we known each other? Eight years?" I asked and she answered yes with a light shake of her head. "And in that time, we have gotten to know each other pretty well, right?" She shook her head yes again. "And... you care about me?" Another yes. "And you know I care about you?" The final yes.

I was scared. I wanted as much clarity that we would be okay after I said this. I was not saying anything at this point. Just looking into her eyes. And she was doing the same. My heart was growing hot and my feelings were getting caught in my throat. She had beautiful eyes, a dark brown even in the light. I gave her a light smile, which she returned, before looking away for a moment.

Sighing I began again. "And do you have any idea what I am about to say?"

She shook a no. I sighed, not expecting to blind side her like this, I was hoping she would have a slight idea.

"Well, after all this time; you see, I know that this isn't exactly what any friend would want to hear from her best friend. There is something that I want, I mean, I know I don't really talk about this kind of stuff so don't be shocked. I want to someday get married." I said, pausing for a moment; Fiona's eyes widening with I look I couldn't decipher.

"I imagined my wife to be a beautiful woman, you know, someone I can't take my eyes off of, even if I wanted to. She would want the same things as I do; and I would want what she wants. I would want my wife to be someone great, someone who knew what she wanted and rarely ever had to give it a second thought. She would be amazing; she would be...perfect. She would have to be someone I knew as well as I knew myself." I paused so that I could look her in the eyes and catch her entire reaction. "She would be. She would be... someone like you." I finished, before I felt my own eyes widen.

I can't believe I did it! I thought, feeling victorious for only a brief second as I noticed her flinch, as if someone had hit her. Her eyes were wide and my heart began to sink.

"I mean, wait what did I even say?" Shit I need to compose myself and remember what I was saying. "OH! Oh my god. I, um, what did I say? I mean you're great. I don't have a wife, yet. Wait, what?" When I get like this, afraid, everything in my mind goes black and I have the worst time putting together thoughts and sentences. "Fiona," I began again, tears welling in my eyes. "I have to go; I have stuff to do. Uh... yeah. Later" I said all while her expression changed from shocked to dumbfound in a split second.

I got up and ran. I didn't care if she saw me or not, I ran out of the building and I ran to my car trying my best not to puke. I unlocked my car and got in. Bracing both hand on the steering wheel.

I laid my head gently on it. I began crying, and then I felt stupid for crying which only made me cry more. Why is this happening? Why am I so stupid? Why am I acting like this? She didn't even say anything. I thought to myself.

'Well of course she didn't say anything,' I argued with myself, tears running down my face and falling into my lap. 'She couldn't stand hearing what you had to say you fucking idiot, why can't you keep your mouth shut like you always do.'

I had to stop, self-depreciation was not something I liked to do; no matter how dumb I felt.

After a few minutes I calmed down and started my car. Pulling out of the parking space I got a text on my phone. I didn't bother looking at it, too focused on getting away. I was pulling the car out of the parking lot, which made it where I had to drive towards the mall entrance the get to the exit.

I was at a stop sign, getting ready to turn out, when I noticed Fiona standing just in front of the sliding doors at the entrance of the mall. She looked at me and I looked away, I didn't want her to know I'd been crying. I turned and began driving towards the main road so that I could get on the highway and head home, but the mall parking lot was crowded with people and other cars also trying to leave or enter.

I was trying to maintain my composure when suddenly my car door opened and Fiona got in the car.

"Hey, Brooke, what the fuck?"

I guess now that it was just the two of us she could be more vocal and assertive.

"What?" I asked, trying and failing to hid my annoyance with her right now.

She is my best friend so of course she feels okay just getting in my car and of course she is okay with cussing at me when I do something stupid like run out on her. I choose to ignore it though, continuing to drive as if nothing happened.

Still looking forward I continued, "I have some things to do, do you want me to drop you off at your place?"

"No, I want you to take me to your place since that's where you're going." I could see her cross her arms in my peripheral vision.

I just sighed and drove. Of course she would know that I had nothing to do.

"Brooke, when you think too much you don't really make sense to me. What were you trying to say back there?"

I remained focused on the road, the only thing distracting me from looking at her. I sighed at her question but didn't answer. When I pulled up to a red light I took a glance at her and her eyes widened.

"Brooke, have you been crying?"

Again I didn't answer her, I just looked away waiting for the light to change. When it did I began driving again and after about twenty minutes we pulled into my apartment complex's parking lot. Once parked I turned the car off and sat for a moment; trying to compose myself in those seconds. Fiona was the first one to get out of the car, and I got out right after her locking the doors once they were closed.

I walked behind her as we went up the stairs to my second floor apartment. She apparently didn't have her key though because she waited at the door for me to unlock it. I pushed the door open taking off my shoes once I walked through the entryway.

I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water for me, knowing Fiona would help herself to whatever she wanted.

"Brooke, what are you doing?" I heard my best friend call as I walked past her.

I heard her footsteps following me but I paid her no mind. When I got into the room I laid down on the queen sized bed face first into my soft pillows covered with pillow cases that did not match each other, or the sheets.

I felt the bed move, and I assumed that she was just lying on the other side of the bed like she always did. We were always intimate like that, cuddling with each other, holding hands and sleeping together, just sleeping. Can you really blame me for being into her? She took my right hand in hers and I sighed; why was she being so caring?

When we first met I didn't believe that she cared about me, looking back there was really no reason for her to, but I guess I came around to the idea. We have done may things that couples do, we go on, what I consider, dates, we sleep in the same bed, we cook for each other, we kiss each other, on the side of the mouth, temples, forehead, hands, knees, and one time on the neck, we spend time together and we just enjoy each-others company. I have really fallen for her.

She brought my hand up to her mouth and lightly kissed it. "Did you get my text?"

"No."

"Oh, well that's okay." She kissed my hand again. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong? I haven't seen you run that fast since high school soccer." She paused, waiting for an answer but I didn't say anything. "Are you stressed? I can give you a massage?" I didn't say anything. "If you don't say anything then I am taking that as a yes."

She knew I wasn't going to answer, she sat up and kissed me on my shoulder over my shirt. I could feel her get off the bed but I refused to move my head. A minute passed before I felt pressure on the other side of the bed, opposite to where she was before, and then I felt pressure on both sides of my legs; next to my mid thighs. I guess she was over me, probably positioning herself for the massage. A moment later I felt her scoot up and sit on my upper thighs and lower butt. She lifted my shirt up and off my back, reaching under me to pull it from under my boobs, her finger tips grazing the skin there lightly as she slid it off.

"Now you just sit back and enjoy this, and you're not allowed to say a word." She said with a laugh knowing by now that I wasn't going to talk.

She was an amateur masseuse and only had a bottle of lotion, from wherever she got it, to use. She spread it all over my back, shoulders, and arms applying a little pressure as she did so. I didn't care how bad she massaged me, as long as they were her hands touching my skin it would be great.

After a couple of minutes, she really started. Her first stop being my shoulders. She pushed her thumbs into the skin there, her body shifting as she applied the pressure. She seemed to be working hard to make me feel good, none of her massages had ever started off this good.

She stayed at my shoulders for a few minutes before moving to my arms, one at a time, going down towards my hands. She massaged my biceps, and then my triceps, which caused my breathing to become ragged from pleasure. She was really out doing herself, I thought as chills ran through my spine when she moved to my forearm. My lips parting as she kneaded the skin and muscles there. Then she moved to my hand, massaging my palm first, then she lightly ran her fingers over my own, tingles running throughout my body in response.

She then ran her fingers back up the length of my arms, and over my shoulders, stopping at my back. The massage itself was getting me worked up, but it was her finger tips that had me soaking wet by now.

She was kneading the skin on my back and I was trying my best not to let any noise escape my parted lips. She was working the muscle in-between my shoulder blades and I let a soft moan escape as I squeezed my thighs closer together, her added weight not doing anything to help me.

I turned my head to the right so that I could get more comfortable and enjoy the massage.

Fiona eventually moved to massage my oblique's and it was hard to focus on anything at all the feeling was so intense. I was biting my lip trying to suppress my moans as I enjoyed the feeling she was creating. Fiona knew that it was a soft spot, I'd told her before about how wet it makes me when my lovers pay attention to that area; though I guess she must have forgotten, or it slipped her mind.

At this point I don't know if she noticed or not but I was just trying not to make any noise; I didn't care if she saw me or felt the light movement of my hips.

As if she was trying to force out my moans she suddenly started kneading really hard and a croaky moan escaped my lips; very audible and I could feel my skin heat up with embarrassment. She didn't miss a beat and kept going. My moans coming in different wave lengths of loudness and pitch. My hips pushing hard into the bed with my eyes squeezing harder together. She snaked her arm under my body and rested her hand on my stomach her other hand resting on my sides where they were just being massaged.

She stopped moving, and so did I, and we stayed still for what felt like forever, before I noticed something on my back. It was small, and barely even noticeable; like two index fingers lightly touching the edge of my shoulder blades, and I would have believed that if I didn't know where her hands were. Then it was something bigger but I couldn't tell what, the contact point was getting larger and eventually her weight shifted and I realized she was laying on me, her entire body down to her hips aligned with mine; her legs still on either side of me.

"Brooke." She whispered into my ear.

I didn't have the voice to answer so I just laid still. Willing myself to enjoy the contact. She kissed my shoulder again, very lightly. I felt a little movement on my butt and assumed she was moving to get up. I waited a moment, sad that this was going to be over but it didn't end like I thought. She was moving against my butt but she wasn't getting up. She whispered my name again and kissed my ear lightly.

I was going crazy with desire at this point. Her hands regaining movement as the one on my stomach moved up to cup my right breast. The left one moving under us as well, her fingers making contact with the sensitive skin on my pelvis, and I'm sure by now I was soaking through my shorts and panties because it felt like I had peed myself.

"Brooke," She said and planted another kiss on my ear and I moaned beginning to grind into the bed again.

The fingers of her left hand slipped into the waistband of my shorts and panties before coming in contact with the strip of pubic hair above my clit. I was grinding hard into the bed now, moaning into the air of my empty room as she moaned into my ear. I moved my hand around us to grip her thigh and pull her into me harder as we both ground our hips in unison; all while her fingers slowly moved past my clit to rub up and down my slit.

I was moaning without remorse now, moving my left hand up under my body to grope my other boob, her right hand still on my right boob. Her moans into my ear only fueling my fire, her hot breath and hard nibbles on my ear driving me mad.

She was grinding hard into my butt as her fingers penetrated into my core, my voice catching in my throat causing me to squeak out a loud moaning like noise.

I'd never experienced sex like this before, it was so intense and passionate but we weren't even facing each other. I could feel her nipples pressing into my back and I realized that she must not have a bra on. That was the extent of my thinking as Fiona pushed her tongue into my ear making my pussy clench onto her finger tightly. I was grinding hard into her hand, basically screaming at this point, on the very edge of orgasm.

Fiona moved her hand from my boob up to my neck, cutting off my source of air and my last moan. My brain shut off as I panted, her tongue in my ear, her finger in my pussy, and her hips grinding into me. I came hard, gasping for air as I dug my fingernails into her right thigh.

Fiona began grinding harder too as her moans peaked, cumming right on the heels of my orgasm. As her, and my own, hips slowed she released my neck, pulling her tongue out of my ear and letting out a deep sigh.

I laid there, shocked that we just did that.

"Brooke, turn around." She whispered into my ear.

Her weight shifted and I rolled my body around to face her, my eyes still closed.

Apparently satisfied with this she lowered herself to lay back on me. I could tell that she was looking at me, probably not knowing what to say. It must have been uncomfortable for her to sit on me like that as she faced me because she moved to straddle one of my thighs instead of my whole body like before.