Tara Myers picked up her five year old son from kindergarten and tried to listen to him chatter about his day as she drove to retrieve the baby from her mother's, but her mind was not on crayons and playground adventures. Rae had not called last night. All night long, Tara had lain on the uncomfortable fold-away bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to convince herself that Rae was so busy handling the new talent that Capital Records had hired that she had not had time to call. She knew her girlfriend was tired. She could hear it in Rae's voice when she did call. Perhaps she had gone back to the hotel after the show and fallen asleep.
Rae hadn't called this morning, either. Sometimes, if she woke up before she thought Tara had left to take Will to school, she would call and talk to both of them in the mornings. Tara had kept her phone in her pocket all day, but it had not rang. Rae would now be at the next stop on the state tour with the singer, making certain the stage was ready and that the artist had everything needed.
Rae had not said much about the tour or the woman she had been assigned to handle. She called the singer McAllister and said that the girl would be a huge star. She said she was tired of eating on the road and sleeping in strange beds, but that the fans loved McAllister. Rae had stopped asking when Tara and the children were moving to Nashville. Perhaps that disturbed Tara a little bit, too.
Will was out of his seat as soon as Tara coasted her car into her parents' driveway. Tara watched him disappear into the house before taking her phone out of her purse. It showed no calls. She opened the phone and dialed Rae's cell phone number. She listened to it ring with an ache in her heart. "You've reached Raegan Hall. Please leave a brief message at the tone and I'll return your call as soon as I am available."
Tara struggled to speak over the lump forming in her throat. "Rae, Honey," she began. She could hear the tremble in her voice and feel tears welling behind her eyes. "Baby, it's Tara. You didn't call last night. I miss you. I want to hear your voice. Please call me as soon as you get this message, even if you can't talk long. Rae, I love you."
She stayed behind the wheel for a moment longer, forcing the tears away before she faced her mother. Her parents didn't approve of her relationship with Rae. They thought she was going to hell for being gay, but she'd tried to fight her feelings. She'd fought them all through high school and repressed them after marrying Billy Myers.
Once, after Billy had returned from hauling goods to Arizona, she had been cleaning out his rig when she found a stash of girly magazines. Instead of being angry with him, curiosity had prevailed. She had flipped through the pictures, feeling her breasts tighten with a need to be touched. Certain that Will was napping and Billy wouldn't be home, she'd crawled into the back of the rig and lay down on the cot where he slept when he was away. Looking at pictures of beautiful naked women, she had slipped her hand into the waistband of her shorts and been startled to find herself wet. The orgasm she gave herself was more satisfying that anything Billy had ever given her.
After Billy had died, she had been too numb to think about her sexuality. Seeing Raegan Hall on Thanksgiving had finally ripped her from the haze that had been her existence. Tara remembered staring at Rae in high school. The woman had occupied too many dreams when she was a teenager, and now those dreams were coming true. Her parents refused to accept that Tara had always been gay, but Tara knew the truth about her fantasies. She also knew the truth about her heart. It had always belonged to Raegan Hall.
Her parents weren't the only ones who had not reacted well to her pronouncement of love for another woman. Billy's parents were threatening to sue for custody of the children if she took them to Nashville to live in a homosexual household. She thought that she could win the case, but her children were the most precious thing in the world to her. As much as she loved Rae, she was afraid to risk losing Will and Rachel. She kept hoping that Anna and Joe Myers would get used to the idea and cancel the suit, but every time she took the children to see them, she was met with hostility.
With a heavy sigh, she slipped out of the car and walked into the house, carrying her pain on her shoulders. Will was sitting on her father's lap, giving Grant Roding the same spiel he had given Tara in the car. She had listened enough to hear him changing little details to make the story better. She waved at her father. His eyes followed her but there was no other reaction. He had been cold and indifferent toward her since the first time that she had brought Rae to the house, but she still held hope that he would eventually accept her lifestyle.
She found her mother and daughter in the back room that had been converted into a nursery and playroom when Will was born. Jane Roding was holding Rachel, rocking the tiny baby as she slept. She looked up with a soft smile. "Hi, sweetheart. Little angel just finished her snack."
Tara's heart eased a little as she gazed at the tiny round face and the eyelashes fanned on round cheeks. "Any problems today?"
"She was as good as gold, weren't you, little angel?" Jane pushed with her foot and sent the rocking chair into a steady motion. "Do you all want to stay for supper?"
"No, they are having a birthday party for one of Lacy's daughters, so we're going to Nora's for a cookout," Tara answered casually, reaching for the baby.
"Oh," her mother mumbled, giving Rachel to Tara. "You are going to see her family."
Tara sighed at the tone of her mother's voice. "They accept me and include me, Mother. I wish you could do the same of Rae."
"It's not like I have had the opportunity. When she does come to see you, she doesn't come here. How can I get to know her if she is always in Nashville? Honestly, I don't really understand if she loves you how she stays away."
"I'm afraid that's my fault," Tara said wearily, touching her lips to Rachel's brow. "Rae has a job and a house payment to consider. She can't drop everything until Joe and Anna get used to the idea that I'm moving to Nashville. Next time she comes for a visit, we'll come over. Will you make her feel welcome?"
Jane pinched her lips angrily and didn't answer. She didn't know if she could welcome her daughter's lover with open arms.
"You know, rejecting her is rejecting me. Rae could get tired of waiting and break things off, but it wouldn't change who I am."
"Do you think she'll do that?" Jane asked eagerly.
"Mother, I know you hear me. Why won't you listen? It doesn't matter if I am living with Rae or not, I am still gay."
"You don't suddenly become gay," her mother snapped.
"No, I didn't." Tara shook her head and began shoving things into Rachel's diaper bag with one hand. "If this is the conversation we are going to have every day, I will find another babysitter for Rachel. I'm having a hard enough time as it is without my mother beating me up for the way I'm wired."
"Your father and I are perfectly normal. God doesn't make gays."
"Will," she called as she stormed through the house. "Go to the car." She turned at the doorway and glared at her mother. "I am still your daughter and I still love you, but you can't keep berating who I am. I need your love and support."
