I love my girlfriend, that's why I didn't understand why my body needed more. I can not begin to describe how ashamed I was for wanting something more out of our fulfilling and satisfying relationship. We enjoyed each others company still, after 7 years of "marriage." We had a healthy sex life still. At least once a week, I would feel her mouth kissing the back of my neck and her hand creeping down my pants. Likewise, I would often see her and want nothing more than to rip off her pants, bend her over a chair and finger fuck her from behind. We made love frequently and passionately. It wasn't until last September I found out what was missing.
Laura had to work late on night so I had gone to the movies with some friends. The movie was a suspense thriller, I can't even remember the name of it now but I can vividly remember a scene. There was a sex scene in it that struck a chord with me. It was in a regular movie theater so it wasn't too obscene but the gist was the female character had upset the male character in some way while they were getting it on. Then some crazy 'can't show the audience this' effects followed by a loud smack. It didn't show clearly what was happening but the implication was it was palm on ass. I expected a scream or some act of protest from the female lead but to my surprise she liked it! I had never witnessed this before. I stole a glance at my friends and in the small amount of light I had I could tell they were not aghast by this situation. I was fascinated and decided I wanted to try it.
I couldn't ask Laura to do that for me. I couldn't ask her for anymore than she was giving me. It would be selfish and almost hurtful in my mind to ask her to and imply that she was not giving me what I needed. She most certainly was, I just wanted more. Especially this. I know this would have a drastic affect on her and bring up ugly memories of her past. So I tried to inflict myself with sharp slaps while I was masturbating, I liked it but it was too difficult to do while losing myself in the sensations.
I was able to keep this fantasy in the back of my mind for the most part. Even so, sometimes when we made love, I imagined her doing things she wasn't and foolishly thought it would be unnoticed. In early February we were in bed. She had me on my knees with my hands tied to the headboard. She was wearing a rather large strap-on and was drilling the thick blue cock into me. I was ramming my body back into hers so ensure I could get the cock as far into me as possible on each thrust. And so my ass would have firm contact with her hips. For in my mind she was not only fucking me but I was also receiving a spanking. Every time my ass slammed against her skin I focused on the sensation and envisioned her hand falling on that spot. I hear her say in my head " look at how your cunt swallows my cock, fucking slut" with that I pushed my ass higher in the air, wanting to meet the next blow, I was so close to coming when suddenly it all vanished.
I felt her slowly pull out of me and I turned to looked at her but all was black, I was blindfolded. I heard "baby look at me," and I opened my eyes, I was only blindfolded in my fantasy. "Where are you?" she asked looking concerningly in my eyes.
"I'm right here baby," I stammered, unable to meet her eyes.
She lay down beside me, leaving me tied. "No you're not. Please tell me what is going on."
I looked up at her and felt a tear roll down my cheek, and her kiss it away. "I was imagining you were doing something to me," I finally said.
"But I was doing something to you," she said with a grin.
"Doing something in addition to what you were doing to me," I said letting my gaze fall again in shame.
"Please tell me. I can't do it unless I know what you want me to do sweetie," she told me.
"No I could never ever ask you to do anything like it. I'm so sorry baby" beginning to cry harder I struggle against the fuzzy handcuffs holding me in place. "Let me out of these please," I begged her through my tears. She released me from the restraints and I quickly left the room without another word.
I climbed into the big comfy chair in our living room. Pressing my eyes into my hands I try and calm myself down using the technique my mother taught me. I recited the alphabet aloud over and over again until I stop crying. Then I reach down and collect a composition book I had stashed in between the arm and the cushion of the chair. I had been writing down one of my fantasies when Laura had come home unexpectedly and I scrambled to hide the book. I opened it to the fantasy I had been writing and read through it again
I walked in the door to a dark, seemingly empty house. I kicked off my shoes at the door, dropped my bag next to them and reached for the light switch when a voice enveloped the room "Leave it alone," it said. The unexpected sound started me and I jumped. The entry way was large and incorporated the living room and kitchen so I had no way of determining where the voice had come from. It wasn't long before I found out. I heard the distinct tapping of high heeled shoes on the wood paneled floor. I sensed a hand reaching behind me and heard the door I just walked through being locked. Before I could move away I felt a strong hand on my wrist and I was being pulled into the living room. "Where have you been you little slut," my assailant demanded. "You will have to be taught a lesson, no one leaves me sitting at home alone and horny," rasped the voice. It was then I realized it was Laura and instantly felt the effect between my legs. The roughness in which she was treating me, the authority she was demanding, and the promise of a lesson to be taught was sending my imagination into overdrive and I could feel the wetness pooling in my panties. I was dragged to the large cushy chair and forced over it so that I was bent over the back of the chair with my ass hanging out in the air. I felt my belt being ripped off and my pants being tugged down around my ankles. "Do you think this flimsy little thing is going to stop me from giving you what you deserve," Laura asked in a mocking voice while she toyed with my thong. She chuckled to herself and them grabbed my thong and yanked! Ripping it straight off. I gasped as I felt the thin piece of fabric cut into me before giving way. Not a second later I heard a loud crack and a sharp warm stinging on my left ass cheek. Fuck that was painful and oh fuck how I wanted more! "How dare you leave me sitting at home pining for you!" she said as another blow landing on my skin. I felt blow after blow until my ass was burning; I jumped as a large object was shoved into my dripping cunt. It filled me up completely and I heard Laura grunt as she pulled out and slammed into me again. She soon got into a rhythm of thrusting and spanking, over and over
I stopped reading and took a moment to catch my breath. I had been writing that when Laura came home from work a few hours earlier and obviously it was still in my mind. I couldn't believe I had let the fantasy creep into our sex session like that. I put the book back into the crevice in the chair and vowing not to think about my little fantasy again, I would throw that away in the morning. I got up and walked back to the bedroom. Laura had gone to sleep so I crawled into bed with her, not bothering to put any cloths on. I was trying to get comfortable and my foot accidentally brushed her leg. She groaned in her sleep, rolled over and put her arms around me, never actually waking up. I took comfort in her sleeping embrace and soon followed her to dreamland.
When I woke up the next morning Laura had already left for work. I glanced at the clock. 10:07 stared back at me in bold red glowing lights. I had the day off and after a quick calculation I gathered I had about 8 hours before Laura came back and I would be forced to explain yesterday. I stretched in bed and decided I'd go for a ride. Pulling on some workout clothes and sneakers I hoped on my bike and started peddling. Going nowhere in particular I started heading to town. I'd gone about 6 miles when I decided to turn back, half entertaining the idea of pulling a Forest Gump and just keeping going. It seemed like a more appealing option than explaining yesterday to Laura. I reached the house and was dismayed at the amount of time that had passed I'd only been gone an hour. That means I had 7 hours left to stew. I went into the bathroom and turning the bath dials on hot and took a long shower. With still over 6 hours of solitude I decided to clean. Hardcore clean. What my mom would call 'Grandma clean'. After 4 hours of that the house was spotless, not a mote of dust could be found; new sheets were on the beds, all the laundry was done. I even took out the coffee stain in the carpet of the computer room. Having exhausted that means of distraction I decided to make a special dinner for Laura, in hopes I may combine spices in a way to erase her memory of the last 24 hours. After taking a quick stock on the kitchen I decided on one of her favorites, corn chowder and salad. Not really a dish that takes 5 hours to prepare so I decided to make some fresh bread first and brownies. I made up the batter for my extra fudge chocolate chip brownies and put it in the fridge for the time. I'll pop them in the oven when we sit down to eat, I thought. Then I made two French bread loafs and the house smelled wonderful. Damnit, it was still too early to start the main course so I decided I may to a little online shopping.
I soon found myself at a lingerie site. I ran across a gorgeous little negligee that I knew Laura would do a double take if she saw me wearing. I quickly added that to my cart and was about to purchase it when I spied a 'Fetish' tab. I clicked on it, just to see what would be in there. Big mistake. The first object on the screen was a tall black woman in a leather teddy with tall leather boots holding a riding crop. I could feel my nipples strain against my shirt and my pussy tightens around an object I wished was there. I quickly left that page before my body reacted anymore. I went to the checkout and bought the negligee and went back into the kitchen completely distracted. I know the goal of the afternoon was to stay distracted so I wouldn't think about tonight's encounter with Laura but this was bad.
That's it I told myself. I'm going to have to come clean to Laura today when she gets home. It's going to be hard for her. When Laura was much younger she had a situation with her step father. He had raped her and beaten her. I had no idea how I was going to tell her my fantasy involved the roughness of rape and being beaten and whipped and spanked. The concept will be hurtful and probably unfathomable to her. And the last thing I wanted to do is bring those horrible memories back to the front of her mind. I don't want her to think every time we make love that I want her to do the same thing her step father did to her. My knees felt weak and I let myself fall to the floor. In agony over what I had to do.
With the resolution to tell her I then started thinking about different ways to explain it to her. I was rejecting the ideas just about as fast as I was conjuring them up. I glanced at the clock and it was already 5:30. Yeah great, I think to myself, now the time just flies on by. What the hell is up with that? I scramble up from the floor where I let myself fall hours earlier and head to the kitchen to make the chowder. It was just about done when Laura came through the door.
"Hi honey," I called out to her "how was your day."
She didn't reply but I heard her go back into the bedroom. Fuck, I think to myself, she's pissed. The table was already set with the salad and I pulled two bowls out from the cabinet and filled them with the ladle. I heard her come into the kitchen but couldn't bring myself to turn around and face her. She walked up till she was right behind me. I felt her place her hands on my shoulders and give them a quick squeeze. "My day was good, sorry I didn't answer I had to run to the bathroom I had to pee sooo bad," she said in a goofy voice. I felt myself expel the air I didn't realize I was holding in. She must have sensed my relief "Are you OK baby?" she asked nuzzling the back of my neck.
"Yeah, of course," I said finally gathering the courage to turn around and face her. My face went completely slack as I looked at her. She was totally naked.