Falling for Jessica

*****

I don't know where to start but all of a sudden reality is finally hitting me hard. I could actually be pregnant. I mean, after that day with Jess I never really entertained the idea of being pregnant. I know it's impossible, highly unlikely and just never going to happen for me but I can't deny this strong feeling of hope. Honestly, the only reason I'm thinking about this is because Jess convinced me (more like nagged) to visit my doctor. So here I was, making my way out of the parking garage, walking towards the hospital's main entrance. And if you're wondering, I haven't actually told Adrian or anyone else for that matter. I don't want everyone I know and love to be excited about something I know is not in the cards for me. I know that feeling all too well, besides, I already have my little munchkin. He's perfect and special in every imaginable way possible.

Now when I got to the office, I did the usual signing in then finding a seat in the waiting lounge. Fortunately, the wait wasn't drawn-out like most visits. My name was called after only one other patient. "Amina Brooks?" I heard the nurse but I sat there momentarily frozen in my seat, not moving for a few second.

I found myself nervous. "It's not a big deal, I've done this before", I told myself. Though, I'm sure that was part of the problem. I'm so use to this; to hearing my name being called only to hear news I've heard a dozen times before. "Why am I putting myself through this again?" I thought.

"Hi, I'm Amina", I tried putting on my best smile.

"Right this way Mrs. Brooks." I followed the short older woman to an empty room in the back. "Dr. Craig will be in shortly. Your gown is here so undress and I'll be out here if you need anything"

"Actually, I'm not really here for a thorough check-up. I'm just here for a pregnancy test so is the gown necessary?"

"I'm not sure how Dr. Craig operate these day so it's possible that he might want to examine you first but you can wait and check with him if that makes you comfortable."

"Thanks I'll just wait for him." I smiled politely and began the wait.

You know those extensive waiting periods that seem to only happen at the dentist or hospital? I can never understand why it takes so long to be seen. Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that there's other patients but the timing never seems to add up. Maybe I'm just impatient when it comes to these sort of things.

About seven minutes passed when I decided to lie back and try to relax. As I lie there I began to think about where my life was headed because at that point I had no idea. So many things have changed and I'm definitely one of them. I'm happy and grateful I've gotten everything I've ever wanted. I married my best friend, started a family I always wanted and we're both where we want to be in our careers but this thing with Jess is complicated. In reality, she's leaving and we're never going to be together but being aware of it doesn't give me any sense of control over how I feel about her. I wish I could somehow just look at her differently and see her as just a awesome new friend and only that.

Fuck, I can't believe she's leaving this week and I don't even have the guts to ask her the exact date. I know I told her not to tell me but honestly, it's killing me not knowing when her final day is.

An additional five minutes passed with me lying there feeling sorry for myself so I sat up and looked through the many different pamphlets to take my mind off of Jess leaving. I started reading one pamphlet on the beginning stages of childbirth. Symptoms of pregnancy: tender, swollen breasts, nausea with or without vomiting. Well I definitely been experiencing a bit of both but that doesn't mean anything. My hormone levels are probably a little off that's all.

Two knocks on the door and my heart start pounding. "Hello Mrs. Brooks. How are you this morning or should I say afternoon?" He said, looking at his watch.

"I'm great." I said nervously.

"You've already had your annual check-up", he was looking over my file. "So what can I do for you today."

"I'm here for a pregnancy test."

"Well giving your situation, that's improbable. What makes you think you're pregnant?"

Although he sound genuinely concerned and he asked politely, his words were like a smack in the face, reminding me I couldn't get pregnant.

"Right, I know...I just", I stammered all over the place. "You see, for the past week I've noticed a change in my breast. There's been a bit of discharge and I've been occasionally vomiting. And I know it's not possible but I just want to be on the safe side and officially rule out pregnancy so I can get to the bottom of these symptoms I'm having."

"Those symptoms you're having could possibly be a change in your hormone levels."

"I was thinking the same thing." I felt like an idiot at that point because more than likely that was my problem.

"But we can do the test and see what's going on here", he smiled, reassuringly. "Shall we get started?"

I nodded, "Yes."

Within twenty minutes I was walking out of his office and there to meet me was Adrian, Jess and Anthony. I was shocked. "What are you guys doing here?" I solely looked upon Jess for a response.

"I'm sorry Amina I had to tell him. He should be here with you for something like this." Of course I wasn't mad at her, I could never be.

"So what happened back there babe?" His puppy dog eyes held so much hope, I couldn't help but smile.

"Well I am pregnant." I almost screamed.

A tear rolled down Adrian's cheek and he pulled me in for the biggest hug. "You hear that little man you're going to have yourself a little brother." Anthony cooed.

"It could be a girl!" Jess and I said at the exact same time.

"Or a sister." Adrian whispered to Anthony.

"Congrats I'm so happy for you Amina. Now you get to experience all the craziness that happens while you're pregnant. Come here and give me a hug."

"I can't believe this is happening." I said while hugging Jess. "I must be dreaming."

"Ouch!!" Jess pinched me. "What you do that for?"

"Nope you're awake."

I smiled as I stared at her for a few seconds too long, she looked so beautiful. "You're an asshole." I mouthed silently.

She stared back at me smiling just as hard. "Will you two get a room?" Adrian joked.

I turned red. "Well I think it's time to go before they put us out for standing around like idiots."

"Yeah I need to go home and finish packing."

"Oh thanks for the ride here Jessica. My car won't be out of the shop until tomorrow."

"No problem. I'll do anything for you two, especially this little guy here." She dropped to her knees to kiss Anthony in his car seat.

"So what day are you leaving?" Adrian asked.

Jess glanced at me before speaking, "I'm not sure what day exactly but I'll be gone this week for sure." I knew she was lying for my benefit.

"We're going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you guys too." She hugged both of us.

"I can come over tomorrow and help you pack. I'll bring Anthony so he can see how gigantic your place is."

"Yeah that'll be great." We all began walking towards the elevators.

We said bye to Jess and went our separate way once we got to the parking garage. "You're driving, I wanna sit in the back with Anthony."

"Babe he'll be fine back there by himself."

"I know, I just wanna look at him." I smiled at my little man while he grasped onto my finger tightly.

"Alright suit yourself." He said while pulling the car out of the parking garage.

I was having the best time playing and laughing with Anthony when Adrian blurted out, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I looked in the rearview mirror at him, knowingly. "I didn't think it was possible and I didn't want to tell you that I might be pregnant only to disappoint you when we found out it wasn't true.

"But you told Jessica? I'm your husband and whether or not you thought I would be disappointed or whatever, you should've told me."

"I'm sorry, I know I should've told you but I didn't tell Jess. She's the one that pointed out that I might be pregnant and convinced me to see Dr. Craig."

The expression on his face soften. "So was he as amazed as we are right now?"

"He said it was a miracle." I smiled thinking about Dr. Craig's reaction. "We both thought it was a mistake so I asked to redo the test."

"I can't believe it. One week after we have Anthony you find out you're pregnant. I'm so freaking happy babe, you have no idea."

"Trust me, I do. I saw you tear up when I told you."

"I did not tear up. Something flew in my eye."

"Oh of course macho man." We both laughed and I looked down to a sleeping baby. "You see, he's sleep now but we're going to pay for this at about 3 am."

"Nope, you're going to pay for it because I'll be sound asleep. I got work in the morning."

"That can't always be your excuse buddy. Soon enough you'll have to get use to waking up in all hours of the night."

"Never!"

"You're such a kid." I swatted the back of his head.

"Hey I'm driving here but speaking of kids, how far along are you?"

"I'm six weeks."

"Seriously? You've been pregnant for six weeks and we had no clue."

"I know, that was my reaction."

"I'm so happy at this point I think I could actually tolerate that annoying Pharrell song."

"I'm happy but that's going way too far. I actually liked that song but they played it entirely too much. It just got to the point where they barely play it anymore, which is good."

"You're right", he laughed as we pulled up in the driveway. I unstrapped the car seat and grabbed Anthony, making sure I don't wake him and Adrian grabbed the diaper bag.

Once in the house, I began preparing dinner right away while Adrian put Anthony in his crib. "Can I help with something?" He came walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah can you hand me the carrots out of the fridge?"

"Sure babe."

"You okay?" I looked at Adrian strangely.

"Yeah of course, why?"

"You're being weird."

"I just don't know what to do with myself right now", he smiled. "I just really wanna go outside and scream to everyone that my wife is pregnant. How are you so calm and normal right now."

"Oh my god, you have no idea", my calm exterior came crashing down, "how badly I want to do the same. I've been trying hard to keep my shit together." I ran over to hug him and out of no where I started bawling my eyes out while he held me tight.

"I love you so much Amina. You, Anthony and this little person in here", he smiled as he rubbed my stomach. "I don't know what I would do without you guys in my life."

I hugged him tighter and cried a little harder from hearing him speak the words every wife should be happy to hear. A part of me was crying out of pure joy and the other part was because I knew he loved me so much more than I loved him.

That night I held on tight to Adrian and I found comfort in holding someone that I knew was really there and not a figment of my imagination. Lately, things in my life don't seem to be real anymore, almost as if I woke up one day in love with someone that wasn't my husband, a woman who gave birth to my child and then I get unexpectant news that I'm pregnant when I couldn't even conceive. Things I thought would never occur have done just that. I look at life differently now because it has the most strangest way of operating.

I slept peacefully that night except for the two times I got up to feed and change the baby. Adrian was serious when he said he'd be sound asleep. I'm not sure if he simply was in deep slumber, allowing him to hear nothing but he didn't move one muscle when the baby monitor went off.

*****

The next morning, I woke up and showered while Adrian fed, bathed and clothed Anthony. After I was done getting ready, Adrian took his shower and prepared himself for work. Once we were all ready to go, I drove Adrian to the shop to pick up his car. I waited in the car while he went inside. A few minutes later he pulled out the garage beside me in his clean silver Range Rover fully functioning. He got out to kissed me and Anthony bye before heading to work.

"I love you two, you three", he corrected himself. "I'll see y'all later."

"We love you, bye and have a good day at work."

"I will and tell Jessica I said hey."

"Will do." I said as I pulled off.

Okay so driving over Jess's house always involves me preparing myself mentally and physically step by step before seeing her. When I'm around her my thinking gets compromised and my body involuntarily reacts to the sound of her voice, her smile, her eyes, her scent and overall presence so preparing is unquestionably required.

First, I turn off the radio making sure I don't run into any of those sappy love songs. Secondly, I go over scenarios that could possibly take place then I try figuring out how I'll respond to them and avoid them. Last but not least, I tell myself that it's perfectly natural for my body to grow excited even if we're just discussing mundane things.

Yes, I know it seems to be a tad bit much but she does this to me. She drives me crazy without even being aware and that makes her even more irresistible.

Soon enough I was parked in the driveway calling her cell to tell her I was outside. I was getting out of the car when I heard the front door open and I looked up. She was standing there in grey sweatpants, a plain white tank top and her hair in a slightly messy ponytail. She still looked amazing.

"You need any help?" She shouted.

"No I'm fine." I moved to open the back door and kneeled down in the car to unbuckle the seat belt.

"I'll get his diaper bag." I heard from behind and instantly felt Jess pressed against my back as she reached in the back window to grab the bag. Just as quick, the warmth of her body was gone.

Shortly after we entered the house, Anthony started hollering at the top of his lungs.

"May I?"

"Yes of course."

As soon as Jess picks him up he stops. "Wow, he never just stop crying when I pick him up. I go through hell to calm him down. How are you doing this right now?"

"I have no clue. Maybe he knows awesomeness when he sees it." We laughed.

We both sat on the couch, Anthony being the center of our attention. I'm pretty sure we looked just as goofy as we sounded, making silly faces for his entertainment only. He giggled and smiled at us, making my entire day.

"Why is he so freaking adorable?"

"I have a couple theories." I responded to the rhetorical question.

"Oh yeah?" She looked at me.

I nodded and quickly changed the subject, "He doesn't like being ignored so keep your eyes in his direction."

"Right, I definitely don't want him to feel ignored." She turned back to Anthony with a smirk on her face.

"So I told my mom and dad the good new." I said, trying to make conversation.

"I bet they were ecstatic."

"Yeah they're excited. My mom started crying, my dad still can't believe I'm all grown up and they're still trying to make it down here to see Anthony. I've offered to buy plane tickets but they won't accept. They promised to come soon though."

"What about the in laws?"

"They freaked when we told them. They're already picking out names as we speak. It's crazy."

"So how far along are you then?"

"Six weeks." I smiled, waiting for her reaction.

"Seriously? Oh now you have to thank me for making you go."

"Thank you so much for nagging me." I said and impulsively kissed her on the cheek.

"Well, Anthony and I will not accept your thank you because I did not nag you. Isn't that right little guy?"

I laughed at how silly she was being. "Okay okay thank you, I really do appreciate you giving me the extra push."

"Do we accept?" She whispered to Anthony as if they were actually having a discussion of their own.

"Okay we accept."

"You're such a pain in the butt."

She smiled knowingly. "So are you."

"Yeah right, hand him over." I reached out for Anthony and she puts him in my arms.

He instantly grab ahold of my finger and closes his eyes. Right before he falls asleep he grab my finger every time and it is by far the cutest thing he does. Don't make fun of me but when he does this, my heart literally melt and I can't take my eyes off of him as he's sleeping.

"Here, why don't you lay him down." Jess got up and offered her spot. She grabbed a blanket from Anthony's bag, covered the area where she sat and I placed him down gently, making sure I didn't wake him.

"You know, he'll be fine so you don't have to watch him while he's sleeping."

I turned to see Jess with a wide grin on her face and I couldn't help but smile because I didn't realize I was watching him.

"So what am I helping you pack today?"

"Oh I've packed everything except my clothes." She turned, leading me to her room.

"Have you decided what to do with this huge palace?"

"No, I thought about selling it but it was a gift from my dad plus I'll visit, you know. I still have family here and I'd like to visit on holidays and see you guys if that's okay."

"Yeah, no of course", I stammered, "I'd love for you to visit us."

"Good."

We sat there on her bed scrambling through tons of clothes, folding, packing and tossing clothes she could no longer fit into boxes labeled 'Donation.' I admire how giving she is, most people just toss away clothes and other things that could help someone less fortunate.

"What else do you plan to donate? This is already so much stuff." I said, looking at the already full boxes.

"Honestly, I have so much I want to donate. I have things I've never even worn. I tend to spend my money on things I don't need and I always end up donating it. Sometimes I think my subconscious wants me to purchase this stuff just so I can donate it because most of this I know I'll never wear. And speaking of buying things I don't need." She got up and walked to her closet. "I bought this necklace the other day but I think it's meant for you to have." She presented me with a black jewelry box.

"I'm not accepting that, you've already done so much for me Jess."

"Shut up, I want you to have it. Just think of it as a going away gift."

"It doesn't work like that, you're going away so I should be the one giving gifts."

"Amina, I'm not letting you leave here today without this around your pretty little neck."

I smiled. "Oh what are you going to do, it's not like you can make me wear it."

I think she took that as a challenge because she grabbed and pinned me down on the bed.

"You're really stubborn, you know that?"

"And you're really aggressive." I struggled to knock her off of me and got no where.

"Okay, here's the deal, you promise to let me put the necklace on you and I'll let you up."

I laughed. "To make a deal, you kinda have to give a girl some options to choose from."

"Okay, you make that promise or I'll just keep you pinned down and I'll do this..." She bit my right shoulder and I shrieked.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you bit me." I tried escaping again.

"And I can't believe you're really being this stubborn so I guess we're even." She smiled at me squirming beneath her. "You better stop trying to escape."

I pushed her slightly off of me but she was back on top of me, pinning me even harder.

"I told you not to move." She bent down, biting my neck this time and a moan slipped from my mouth. I couldn't help the sensations she was unknowingly bringing me.

She stopped and I felt her lips curl into a smile on my neck then she came up to look at me. "Here I am trying to torture you and you're getting tu..." I flipped her on her back and pinned her hard so she couldn't move.

"What were you saying?" I asked, smugly.

"I can still bite you, you know!" She bit my arm and tossed me on my back once again.

She started biting me everywhere and I laughed uncontrollably. She went back to my neck and I couldn't suppress the moan that escaped my mouth for the second time. She continued small nibbles up my neck to my ear.