"Look, I know things didn't go so well badly, but I've learned a few things and I think I can make it up to you."
He was supposedly being earnest with me, or at least putting in some effort to trick me again.
"Norman, I know how you feel, believe me I really do, but I just don't feel that way with you, it's just-"
"Jeez, don't be so quick to give up on us," Norman interrupted, "I got some advice from the boys, they know how to make a girl happy."
I knew 'the boys' well. A bunch of twenty-something year old manchildren who's idea of a good time was a blowjob at a movie.
"I don't want to break your heart Norman, but we really, truly aren't compatible together."
"I can make you happy! We have to be together, you're the one!"
"I'm really not trying to upset you, you need to move on."
"All right," Norman said with a glint in his eye, "Maybe you can give me one good reason we shouldn't go out together tonight."
"I'm busy tonight."
"You'll have to have a better excuse that that."
"I really am, I've met a new man," I lied, "and he knows how to treat a lady."
"Nice try babe, but no man could man my charms. Ditch the zero and get with a winner."
Shit. If another man wasn't enough to make him back down, then what was? My mind was blank, I knew that if I couldn't come up with something quick I'd be in for a night for fast food and clumsy 'seduction'.
Suddenly behind me a voice called out, "Hey, big shot! Get your own!"
I spun around to catch a glimpse of my savior, hoping against hope things weren't about to get even worse.
"Jessica," Norman replied with mock friendliness, "What are you talking about now?"
"Cram it four-eyes," Jessica answered, "Samantha and I are going out tonight. Together."
"What would Samantha want with a carpet muncher? We both know she's all for the cock."
Jessica looked at me and motioned me to play along.
"Well," I said in desperation, "I'm... well... what I mean to say is I'm experimenting."
"That's right, you can never be too conservative when it comes to love," Jessica continued.
"Okay then," Norman said in shock.
"I'm not a lesbian or anything, I just want to give it a test drive and see if I want to buy it."
Norman remained stunned for a few seconds more, then blurted out, "I don't believe it. A dyke is a dyke, you're born wrong and you stay that way. No woman could experience me and turn."
I was sweating bullets but Jessica just grinned and said, "Well, how about you accompany us tonight, at least until you get some solid evidence."
Frightened, I looked at her and subtly shook my head.
She continued, "We don't normally allow a man into the sort of places I hang out, but maybe if we say you're gay we can force our way through."
"For real?" He asked, clearly not convinced.
"But just for a little while," I answered, "I, um, I don't want you to screw things up between us. Not that I've made up my mind yet."
"Well all right ladies, where to?"
"I know a place," said Jessica, "It's a little club I visit sometimes, it doesn't have an office name, we 'carpet-munchers' just call it the Cunnilingus Club."
I wasn't sure if things were getting better or worse.
The three of us took a taxi deep into the city, past the glamorous and well known clubs and into a dark and dirty neighborhood. We stopped at an apparently abandoned warehouse, then got out and walked around to the back of the building.
Jessica rapped her knuckles on a large iron door and a second later it opened a crack and an attractive female face peeked out.
"Password?" Inquired the unknown woman.
"The password is... delight," answered Jessica.
"Who's the dick?"
"He's with me, don't worry, he's just some bottom I know."
The door opened and the woman inside motioned for us to enter, "No one who knows the password to this club would associate with a straight man," she said.
"I'm not a regular," I burst out.
"No problem," she replied slyly, we get a lot of fresh meat come in with the regulars. Emphasis on come."