Facing My Demons

Please read my previous stories, it will help you to understand the characters. Please leave feedback and vote. Thanks for all the support.

xoxo- JuicyJ19.

***

Panic gripped me. I was terrified deep in the pits of my very soul. Every fiber of my being trembled at the thought of Nikki denying my proposal. Would she say no? Could I blame her if she did? Asking for forgiveness had been a lot but asking for her to marry after one day was insanity. Had I lost my mind? In reality, maybe a bit. I had been so deliriously happy with her in my arms that I got ahead of myself. Well no, not ahead of myself. Ahead of her. I was ready. It was her I was unsure of. I would've married her that instant but my Nikki was too analytical for anything like that. She was too calculating, too reasonable. But I couldn't be mad at that. It was one of the many things I loved about her. Her level head always counteracted my spontaneity. It was for the best that she was organized and deliberate. It was okay. I would suck it up. I would get over it if she didn't accept. I would just ask again... eventually.

"Tia, I..." she started to speak, her voice trembling, but she paused before starting over. "Baby, what's going through your head right now?"

I knew she wasn't asking about the proposal. She was asking what I was thinking after. After, when we sat silently for minutes, maybe even hours. Neither of us had spoken. Neither of us had had the words. The look on my baby's face tore at my heart. She looked frightened in some way. I didn't know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut. I thought about how I would answer her question. What would I say after proposing? It was tough but I eventually thought of something

"Please don't run out on me. I can pretend I never said it if you want me to. I'm sorry. I just..." I stood from the bed and I paced around for a minute, trying to clear my head. I was in such a trance that I just dropped to the floor on the other side of the room. I looked back at Nikki in terror. I couldn't lose her again. My breaths came out in short gasps and I felt as though my lungs had been ripped out of my chest. I hadn't had a panic attack like that since I was a kid. My hands trembled and it was like everything was going in slow motion. I heard myself saying something about being sorry to Nikki but it was like it wasn't me who was speaking. She rushed over to me. Nikki grabbed my face in her hands and forced me to look at her.

"Tia." she barked, snapping me back to reality. She was acting angry but I knew better, she was nervous. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You picked a really bad time to tell me that you have lost your fucking mind. I can deal with marriage proposals but I can't deal with a girlfriend who has gone bat-shit crazy."

I laughed. I actually laughed but that only made way for the tears to come. Nikki's fake glare of anger gave way instantly and she looked concerned. Maybe she did think I was crazy. Maybe I was. "Baby, you are scaring me. I need you to talk to me." She told me with my face still in her hands.

I sighed and rested my back against the wall. My I was sitting on the ground, completely naked. I must have really looked like a mess. Naked, bruised and crying. I'm surprised she didn't have me committed that instant. I would've committed myself I had been a bit more rational. I controlled my breaths and closed my eyes until I could think clearly again. It might have only been a few moments but it may have been 40 minutes. I don't know. Nikki stood patiently in front of me. Waiting. My hands still shook but there was nothing I could do about this.

"I'm sorry." I whispered at long last. I hadn't meant to whisper but it was all I could force my voice to do. "I didn't mean to do this. It's not like I was angry or anything. I just freaked for a minute. I don't want to lose you again." I couldn't tell her that I COULDN'T lose her again. I couldn't tell her that my heart couldn't take it. I couldn't force her into a relationship like that, out of pity and fear. I needed her to want me and acting like some sort of mental patient wasn't going to help. I smiled and stood up again. "Forgive me. I should go home and give you some time alone..."

"Don't leave me, damn it." she cried as I reached the bedroom door. She ran to me and clung to my shoulders. It hurt my bruised at battered body, that was getting more sore by the hour but I hugged her and kissed on supple skin of her shoulder as she came to me.

"It's okay. I'm never going to leave you like that again but you might want some time alone to deal with all of this. You have no Roxy, no Angela, I just came back, we had sex, I asked you to marry me then I went all spastic on you. You should have time to think." I let her go but she still hung on me.

"There isn't anything I can't figure out with you here." she said weakly.

I kissed her again and made my way back to the bed with her still in my arms. Neither of us remembered my wounded hand until I reached out for the blanket and flinched from the immediate pain. The swelling of my hand hadn't gone down much and it still hurt something fierce,

"Let me get you something for that."

I nodded and sat in the bed and Nikki ran out of the room. She returned a few moments later with a towel, ice and some bandaging tape.

"Give me your hand."

I obeyed and she took my hand gingerly in hers. With her free hand she placed the baggy of ice in the small towel then wrapped it to my hand using the tape.

"my brother is going to come by later to check you out. I want him to make sure you're alright."

Nikki's older brother was one of the finest doctors in town, if not the state.

I nodded ay assent and I rested back into the bed. My ribs ached, my busted lip was sore, my hand throbbed and my head was pounding. I tried to relax as I thought of what had actually happened. Nikki climbed into bed with me.

"I can't believe you actually love me." I said in bewilderment. She laughed and then kissed me softly.

"You are the love of my life, Tia, but we can't ruin things like we did last time. We can't ever get like that again."

"I will make sure everything works out but right now I want to go to bed." I snuggled down with her in my arms. She stayed off of my bad ribs as we cuddled but soon enough we were contented with just being with one another. Nothing else mattered.

I woke up to a cold hand trailing across my exposed ribs. I opened my eyes and saw Nikki sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. Her smile light the room and I felt as though nothing could take away the happy feeling that I had in my life.

"My brother is here. If you don't want him to see you naked then I suggest you put your clothes on." She giggled and kissed me before leaving me alone. I followed her instruction and got dressed before heading downstairs. It was almost midnight and Nikki's brother was sitting patiently on the sofa.

"It's good to see you again, Tia. So I heard you got into a disagreement with Roxy, again. Old habits die hard huh?" He laughed. It sounded a lot like Nikki's laugh only deeper, manlier.

"I haven't really arrived until Roxy and I go toe to toe. I had to get that out of the way." I giggled.

He started to lift my shirt then he just asked me to remove it.

"You ribs are okay." He told me as he placed his hands firmly on them. I was regretting not having put a bra on. He wasn't looking at my breasts but I still didn't like being exposed. He continued talking without pausing. "It don't feel any major break but you might have a few cracked ribs. There really isn't anything you can do for ribs. Just try to avoid hurting them any further."

He grabbed my hand next, after letting me put my shirt back on. He felt my hand and then shook his head. It wasn't good. "It's only a stress fracture and you won't need a cast. Take it easy for a few weeks and it'll be fine. If she can't keep sustaining any more damage to the hand, then I am going to come back and give her a full cast." Adrian smiled pulled some bandaging from his doctor bag. He wrapped my hand up and gave Nikki a quick lesson on how to do it for me.

"It should heal on it's own and she shouldn't have any more trouble with it as long as she doesn't hit anything else too hard." He laughed again and kissed both Nikki and I on the cheek. He whispered something into her ear before leaving. I went to fix myself a drink. A strong drink.

"Well that sucks." Nikki finally said as she joined me in the kitchen. Her hands wrapped around my torso. She kissed at my shoulder blade while I poured a second drink for her. "Not only is your hand all busted up but my brother has also just seen you half naked." She continued to kiss my back.

"He's a doctor and besides he's married. He wasn't looking at my tits." I said firmly. It was ridiculous to think that he would be looking at me like that.

"He's a man. Married or not. He is going to look. Who wouldn't look at someone as gorgeous as you? Especially topless. Even covered in war wounds, you're still hot." She giggled and bit into my shoulder hard. Perfect, another bruise but at least it didn't hurt that much.

"Stop it. Bruises are far from attractive. Fractures are from attractive." I tried to use a stern voice but she knew better. I wasn't upset.

"Oh come on. Bruises are kind of sexy on a girl's body, makes them look tough, and even though I would prefer you without them, they don't take away from your beauty. Nothing could take away from that." Her words were kind and although I doubted their truth, it didn't make the gesture any less sweet.

"So what did he whisper to you? Was he talking about how great my rack is?" I laughed and started on the dishes while she continued to lie against my back, occasionally kissing me there.

"It was about my dad. He isn't doing so well." Her arms around my waist tightened. It was her subconscious way of telling me she was scared of losing him. I was scared too. I loved her father very much. The thought of losing him was tough. He had been so understanding when I had gone to visit him when he had first gotten sick. It had been his words of love and compassion that started my debate on whether or not to see Nikki again. I owed that man a lot. From him I learned the true meaning of forgiveness. He was mad when he first saw me. I had been the one to break his little girl's heart, his only daughter. If I were a man I'm sure he would've hit me or threatened me with a shotgun or something but after a while of talking and explaining, he understood and he listened. He comforted me when I began crying in front of him.

"I'm sorry." I said as a few tears fell from my eyes. I was glad Nikki couldn't see them. I finished up the dishes and then turned to face her, after wiping my tears. She kissed my lips softly before sliding her hands into the back of my shirt.

"I'm sorry about my hand. I should've left Roxy's without hitting her. By the way, you should talk with her. I already told you that I promised her everything would be okay. I need to stick to my word. If you could find a way to forgive me then you can find a way to forgive her."

"Don't worry about me and Roxy. I called her while you were still sleeping. I told her we would talk soon and that she owed you an apology for hitting you and a thank you for convincing me to call her." Nikki's tone was sweet and caring. I smiled at my girl. She had don't the right thing all by herself. She continued. "So, how about we go upstairs and I give you a massage."

We gave each other a quick glance before Nikki took off running. I followed quickly behind. We chased each other through the living room and up the stairs to the bedroom. She grabbed me then forced me down on the bed. I thought she was going to tease me but I was surprised when she just crawled on top of me, after taking her clothes off. She sat on my lap while she kissed me passionately. Her tongue danced in my mouth like a gypsy. It moved around in a slow but mesmerizing way that left me begging for more even though I couldn't breathe. She laughed when I groaned after she released her hold on my mouth. Then she merely removed my shirt and continued our make out session. I kicked my shorts off with her tongue still in my mouth and I could feel her dripping sex again my own. We both leaned backwards until my back was firmly pressed against the mattress with Nikki lying on top of me. Her legs intertwined with my mine and we slowly got an even rhythm. We were in essence humping each other's legs but at that moment it was something more. Something magical. Our mirrored bodies were together in every sense of the word. Our tongued made leisurely paths from her mouth to mine as her pussy rubbed against my thigh, and vice versa, giving us both the pleasure we needed without being apart. Unlike the previous time, there was nothing hurried about it. We both climaxed numerous times before our love making turned into simple cuddling. Somewhere along that line Nikki fell asleep on me, her crotch still leaking her sweet fluids onto my leg. I was tempted to move her but I couldn't bring myself to disturb her just yet.

I watched in wonder as she slept. Her facial features were relaxed and no emotion was visible. She was truly peaceful. Her mouth, although her succulent lips seemed to call me, moved not at all. I placed a chaste kiss upon her lips, if only to prove that it wasn't a dream. Her breath was slow and even as I felt her moved softly with each intake and release of her breath. Her head was placed ever so gently on my chest and her hair fell on both of my sides brushing against my ribs, that were still aching. I looked down her back and over to her cute ass. It was pale compared to the rest of her skin. I knew the reason she didn't tan naked, I always had a thing for tan lines on her ass. I liked to see that her butt was white against the dark caramel complexion of her legs and back that were graced with the tinting kiss of the sun. I smiled to myself as I rolled her to one side, without bothering her too much, my ribs were killing me. I could hear in my head what she would've said if she were awake. Something like; 'What? Am I too heavy for you? Are you trying to tell me that I'm fat?' I chuckled. Once upon a time things like that would've caused a fight between us but now I couldn't wait for the opportunity to hear her say those things. I would kiss her worries away and I hold her tighter against me and promise to never let go. Oh how I wanted this to be different. I turned my back to her to get off the bad side of my ribs to get some sleep. I dreamt, as always, only of her.

I woke up once more to a chilly hand making gently trails along my skin, this time it was on my shoulder. I could never wake up before her, NEVER.

"Good morning, my love." She said in a light and cheery tone.

It was music to my ears. How long I had waited to hear such words from her. Such words from the woman I loved. The one I loved above all others. It warmed my heart to hear such words escaping her lips. I leaned up and kissed her for no other reason than for the fact that I loved her and she had blessed me with her love in return.

"It is a good morning." I grinned before pulling her in for yet another soul searing kiss. No one could take my happiness from me.

"Roxy is here to talk with you." she said. Well maybe someone could take my happiness. I knew what would happen if that bitch made me angry. I could break what was left of my hand, and casts are not attractive. I agreed to see her then I got dressed and went to the backyard to see her. She was sitting in one of the lounge chairs. Why was she in the yard at 10 in the morning? I had no idea, still don't.

"My hand is broken so if you are here to fight, I can give you a rain-check." I said when I exited the house.

Her back was to me. She turned sharply when she heard my voice, an old knee jerk reaction. In the morning sun she truly looked beautiful. Not as gorgeous as my Nikki, of course, but she was beautiful in a different way. Where Nikki's features were sharp and angular, stunning, Roxy's were soft, almost angelic. Her brown tresses circled her face in large soft ringlets. Her pale green eyes stared at me without contempt for the first time in almost seven years, the way she had in the beginning. Nikki loved her. They were best friends. Why couldn't she just accept that we were in love? Everything would be so much easier for us.

Her soft laugh was slightly forced, more because it was me who said it than it's actual comedic value.

"I'm not here to fight. I woke up with a killer hangover and my entire body ached. I have bruises I don't remember getting and I wake up with this note next to my bed. I remember drinking in the bar. I remember fighting in my yard a bit then it all goes blank." Her voice was different than it usually was. Was it her voice? Maybe not. It might have just been the fact that she calculated her words for the first time, at least for the first time with me. She actually seemed worried about finding the right words.

"Let me give you a run down. I went to the bar to talk to you and you were about to finish your second bottle of tequila. I carried you out of the bar then I drove you home. When I told you Nikki had taken me back you tried to hit me. When that didn't work out you tackled me and ruined my favorite jacket..." I recounted in a calm and even humorous manner. Although I wasn't happy about my jacket.

"I vaguely remember you yelling something about Armani."

We both laughed at the comment, though it wasn't funny. It was a good ice breaker but soon enough I saw sadness in her face. In the way she held her lips tightly together. In the furrowing of her brow and in the slight but sudden darkening of her eyes. It hurt me to see such a beautiful girl look so sad. There was something juvenile about her looks, like I said before. Maybe it was that that made me feel compassion for her, I do not know why. But I know my heart bled for her.

"I'm so sorry." she said to me. The pain in her eyes was just as evident in her voice, maybe more so. "You don't deserve what I did to you and I certainly didn't deserve what you did for me. Forgive me."

Her plea was one of a true child. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and I sighed. Why me, I asked myself.

"Forget about it." My answer didn't please her. There was still desperation in her. In the stillness of her body I could see it. I could see it all over her. She was afraid. Of what, I didn't know.

"Come here." I called her over to the lounge chair she had been sitting on and we both sat together. "Talk to me. What's bothering you so much?"

"I'm worried about what is going to happen to Nikki and me. I was the one that hurt her. I don't think she will ever look at me the same again. I don't know why I hurt her so bad." I could see tears well in her eyes but I wiped at them for her. She was like a family member to me, in some weird way. Like a cousin or aunt whom you don't really like but you care for anyways. I cared for Roxy somehow. Maybe because Nikki loved her so much.

"You were young, kid. Nikki and I forget just how young you are sometimes. Things scare you that wouldn't worry us. You asked me to leave because you were worried about Nikki. You can lie to her but you can't lie to me. You asked me to leave because you were scared of her leaving you for me. I understood and I still do but I didn't leave because of that. Left because of how easy it was for you to come up with a reasonable argument. Your points were valid and I listened." She calmed a bit but she still looked worried. "I promised you that everything would be okay. You need to trust me."

"I'm only two years younger." she said matter-of-factly, just like the child she was.