Rehearsals

Dearest reader

I hope you are well. Thanks for sticking with this story (obviously, if you are a new reader, I strongly suggest you go back and read parts 1 to 3 first, otherwise this really isn't going to make much sense.)

A little caveat to this Chapter: Amanda isn't into certain things. That's not a criticism of you if you are. Each to their own. Amanda's a character - she's not real. Don't confuse the character's views with the author's.

Happy reading!

Love T x

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Carrie - Thursday

"Hey Carrie!" Amanda throws her arms around my neck. I bend down a little as I reciprocate, so she doesn't have to stand on tiptoes. Her body feels great against mine, warm and soft, and I have to hold myself back from sniffing her hair. Stop it Carrie!

"Hey you! Sorry, have you been waiting long?" We're outside the Psychology department building where my tutorial has just finished.

"No, like, just got here. Just handed my essay in." She does a little dance in the street. I can't help but smile.

"Isn't that a little early?" We start walking towards the Union. We've got rehearsal in 30 minutes.

"Yeah, like, two weeks ahead of deadline, but, like, it's done! I mean, if I don't hand it in now then, like, I'll just keep fiddling and tweaking with it, and it'll make no difference at all, you know? But

now

, I can focus on my Drama assessment without that hanging over me."

"Well done!"

It's a warm day, the scent of the blossom on the trees going someway to mask the traffic fumes as we head towards the Triangle. I take my coat off and sling it over my bare arms. Amanda is likewise sleeveless. I try to resist checking out her shoulders. I mean, I'll see it all shortly, but it's hard to resist.

"So, like, your Mum called me..."

"What? How did she.... Oh, wait, Cameron."

"Yeah!" She giggles. "Anyway, she's, like, invited me to lunch at your house on Sunday."

"What? I mean, cool, that would be lovely but..."

"I know. I get it."

"So what did you say?" My heart's hammering. It's as if I've asked her on a date and I'm waiting for her reply.

"I said I could come though I might, like, need picking up, you know?"

"Sure!" I smirk. "But... Um... What about Lucy?"

A cloud passes over her face. "She goes back to London, like, every weekend."

"That's a bit strange."

"Yes! Thank you! That's what I thought, but she said I was, like, making a big deal of it."

"Could you not go with her?" I immediately kick myself. Stupid mouth.

We walk in front of the columned entrance to the Victoria Rooms.

"Yeah, I, like, offered to come, but she said this weekend was all about family, but maybe in a couple of weeks. But, you know, I am starting to wonder, like, maybe..." She looks at me.

I finish her thought. "You think that she's got somebody in London?"

"Yes! See, good, somebody else thinks that too. Sarah said I was just being, like, paranoid."

"Have you cyberstalked her?"

"She doesn't do social media. Her Facebook page is dead - like, nothing since Uni. Her Linkedin is, like, super impersonal. I mean, given her job that's not surprising. But, like, another thing: she doesn't want us to take photos together."

"Really?"

"She said it's, like, 'cos I'm not out yet, but you know, surely that's up to me? And, like, anyway, it

is

possible to take photos and not put them online."

"Oh my days, really? That's so 1990!"

She swats at me. "Shut up!"

I grin. Is it wrong to be happy that things aren't going smoothly for her and Lucy? Or am I just kidding myself: isn't it just easier for me to be back in this place, lusting after somebody unattainable? If Amanda was single and interested, wouldn't I be back to putting as much distance between us as possible?

"But otherwise things are cool between you too?"

Her mouth is a thin line. "Yeah, like, I suppose so? When we're together, it's, like, great. I mean, she goes in less than two weeks and we haven't, like, talked about what happens next, you know?" She sighs. "I'm seeing her later. I mean, half of me wants to push her to, like, I don't know, be real about it, but, like, the other half of me wants to just enjoy what we've got, without ruining it by getting all serious, you know?"

She looks at me. "Like, what do you think I should do Carrie?"

"Fuck, I don't know!" Oh bollocks, what do I do now? "There's no point asking me for advice. Do whatever makes you happy, I guess?" I shrug my shoulders.

She nods. "Yeah, that sounds like a good plan."

I hold the door to the Union open for her and we go in.

* * *

"Keke, what do you want me to do here?" Suzy asks.

We're stretching off, ready to start rehearsing the end of Act 2. It's going to be very difficult technically speaking, as Eve has to give birth to Cain in this scene, except, according to Miller, Cain is born an adult. Yeah, tricky. It does mean that Amanda has to wear clothes, to hide the pregnancy bump, which I can't decide if I'm pleased or disappointed about. My role in this scene is minimal, standing mostly to one side, Eve wanting me, but Chemuel giving comfort instead. Hmmm, well, I shouldn't have any problems relating to that.

"Amanda? Can you come here a second?" Keke calls.

"Sure."

"What do you think Chemuel should do here? This stage direction: "Chemuel kneels, kisses her"?"

"Like, why are you asking me?"

"Well," says Suzy, "I was just wondering what kind of kiss Eve would want at that moment? Are we talking on the forehead? The cheek? A passionate snog?"

"Mmmm, like now you're talking, Suzy!" Amanda pouts, then giggles.

They laugh. Something inside me twinges.

"I mean, honestly, I don't mind, and, like, I don't think Eve would either."

"Ok. Well. I didn't have a particular vision for this, so why don't you play it by ear Suzy, see what comes natural to you as Chemuel? We can then review and discuss it afterwards. This won't be the only time we'll rehearse this, of course."

Suzy and Amanda both nod and we take positions for the birth of Cain.

Keke gives us the cue and it's go.

Eve calls to me, her voice ragged and laced with pain: "Still me, demon... take this out! Don't waste another minute! Not a minute more! He is bursting me!"

I take a step forward, longing to sooth her, longing to ease her pain, wanting to be the one by her side. It's really easy to channel those feelings and, for once, let them show plainly on my face.

A trumpet chord halts me. Dev, ponderous, arrogant, puffed-up like a petty dictator, enters, trailed by his angelic coterie of fawning followers.

"Now bend, Azrael, and blow thy cold death across her lip."

My heart rushes to my mouth and my hands begin to itch as Eve shudders as if in icy cold, gasping and moaning plaintively.

"That's enough!" God commands. "Chemuel, in thy compassion, drive anguish to the corner of her mind and seal it up."

Suzy/Chemuel kneels beside Eve and cradles her head, then dips her lips to Eve's, pressing them tenderly, firmly. Jealousy and envy rise in me.

"Go away death." My eyes are firmly locked on Eve, her mouth now moving in response to Chemuel. "Go, Azrael. And wait her need."

"Chemuel, in thy mercy, deliver Eve." Without breaking the kiss, Chemuel reaches under the slit in Eve's smock and slips out the pregnancy cushion. From between their lips, Eve releases an audible sigh. I am almost quivering with frustration and loathing. The kiss continues.

"That's enough." God snaps. Reluctantly, or so it seems to me, Chemuel lowers Eve's head gently to the floor and stands. She glances at God and then flashes me a smirk, a challenge. "Go, Chemuel, and wait her need."

The rest of the scene progresses while I, as Lucifer, the silent watcher, remain on the edge of the stage stoking my rage, my jealousy. Now I understand the character's motivation here, Lucifer's desire to meddle and twist. As the others leave, I bend over the forgotten Cain.

"So this is Cain." I kneel down, trying to mimic what I recall of Suzy/Chemuel's posture. "With the kiss of Lucifer begin thy life; let my nature coil around thine own. And on thy shoulders may I climb the throne." I hiss as I kiss him. It is a kiss laced with frustration and longing and jealousy. It is a kiss to kill for.

There's a ripple of applause and I stand up. Ethan looks a bit dazed, but struggles up after me.

"Well, done everyone," calls Keke, "that was pretty smooth. Let me give out the notes and then we'll take a break."

We pull up chairs and sit in a circle.

"Ok. Amanda, are you back with us?"

Amanda sort of gives herself a little shake. The dopey, blissed out expression she's had on her face - well she just got kissed by an angel, then danced with God - goes, and that intent, attentive expression I've come to adore, especially when it's directed at me, returns. "Yeah, yeah."

"Great. So that was really strong, very smooth. I want to start with the kisses. Ethan, sorry, we hadn't discussed that," here Keke stares at me, and I blush, feeling a bit embarrassed for being so intimate without checking first, "was that ok..."

Ethan blows out his cheeks. He doesn't want to look at me. "Yeah, I was fine with that. But, um, how did it look?"

Josh jumps in. "It looked great actually. I saw it as Lucifer trying to get back at God; God has taken Eve, claiming her through Chemuel and himself, so Lucifer will take God's grandson. I mean the words make that clear, but the kiss really showed it."

"Yo, like, I ain't wid you. Wha went down?"

"I kissed Cain," I explain to Haile, who had followed God and Eve off stage. I notice Amanda smirking at me. "It's just like Josh said; I was trying to claim Cain."

I look at Suzy. "I think your kiss really worked too - sorry Keke, I know that's your decision," he waves for me to continue, "but it really drove my motivation. I really felt powerless watching that, and an intense jealousy. I wanted to be the one soothing Amanda, I mean, Eve, but I couldn't, and that frustration just built and built. You know I've got no outlet in that scene, nothing to do, so it all just came out. Lucifer knows he's hurting himself here, but just plunges on regardless because all that feeling just has to go somewhere."

I risk a glance at Amanda, whose expression I can't read, then flick my eyes back to Suzy, who is nodding along. "I'd been struggling for motivation here, but that kiss really gave it to me."

Suzy is quick to pick up the thread. "Exactly! I think Chemuel has always been jealous of Lucifer, and also completely zealous in her execution of her role, so I had this double motivation behind that kiss. Was it ok by you Amanda?"

"Like, sure. I think Eve is just desperate for any kind of contact, you know. She's a physical, sensual being, so she'd, like, welcome that. Sorry if I tasted of coffee! I know you don't like it. Now I know I'll, like, make sure I have a Smint next time."

"Oh, shit, me too! Sorry Ethan!"

There's a round of laughter.

"Ok, good, that's what I felt too," says Keke, "so the kisses stay. Great, ok, other notes..."

Keke takes us through changes he wants to make to blocking, all of which are very minor. There's a few corrections to missed lines, but again these are few. Dev has an incredible capacity to memorise lines quickly and accurately, and he has the most to say here.

We run the scene again, Amanda sharing some Smints with me, Suzy and Ethan beforehand to general giggles.

"Tough scene for you Ethan," Josh calls as we take our places, "having to lie there and get snogged by a beautiful woman."

Before anyone can answer, Amanda chips in: "don't get your hopes up though Ethan. You're not her type." She winks at me.

* * *

"So, Keke, I was thinking of cutting my hair, but wanted to check with you first."

"Ok. Thanks, that's good of you. What did you have in mind?"

"Something short, quite androgynous. Maybe a side parting."

"Sounds cool. Honestly, Carrie, it's your hair."

"I know, but I didn't want to ruin any aesthetic you were planning."

"Thanks. Hey, I don't suppose you'd consider dying it black, would you?"

Now there's a thought. "Maybe. Let me talk to the hairdresser. I'll see."

"No pressure. Oh, but the photo shoot for the posters will be next Wednesday. Will you be ready by then?"

"Yeah, sure."

I wait for Amanda to finish getting changed, so that we can walk out together.

"What time are you meeting Lucy?" Maybe she's got time to grab a coffee.

"In, like, 40 minutes. Shit, I'm gonna have to run. I wanna shower first, you know?"

We hug goodbye on the pavement. Shit, this is getting exactly as hard as I thought it would be, but the hooks are sunk too deep. 5 more weeks until our performance. This is going to be total torture.

Amanda

God that girl gives great hugs! I wave goodbye to Carrie wistfully, fighting the urge to turn around and see if she's watching me.

OK, I give in. Is she? Yes, she is! My heart sings a little and I smile and wave back.

Oh, shit, what am I doing? I need to go and see Lucy. I stride home as quickly as I can. I don't envy Carrie her long walk back to the station, then her wait for the train and walk at the other end. Not for the first time, I thank my lucky stars that we found a flat so close to the centre of things, for all that it's poky and three of us have to make do with single beds.

Jogging up the stairs (going to the gym with Carrie has definitely done wonders for my fitness), I let myself in.

"Hey," I call, "it's Amanda. Anyone in?"

"Hi babe!" Louise calls from her room.

"Oh, hello Amanda. I'm just cooking. Do you want to eat with us?"

"No thanks Samantha, sweetie. I'm, like, meeting Carrie later, and I'm eating with her."

"Really? I thought you were meeting Lucy?" Louise has come out from her room into the sitting area.

"That's, like, what I said. Does anyone mind if I-"

"No, you said "Carrie", Amanda."

"What, no I didn't!"

"You totally did."

"Louise is correct Amanda: you did say Carrie."

"Well, like, slip of the tongue. I meant Lucy, you know that. Anyway, does anyone, like, mind if I use the shower?"

"Go for it, babe." Louise arches her eyebrows at me. "Mind who you think about while you're soaping up!"

I blow a raspberry in her direction, then head in.

Yet, as the warm water washes over me I wonder about that little confusion. Being honest with myself, I'd much rather be spending time with Carrie. Lucy is... distant? Hot and cold? I love it when she talks affectionately to me, it gets me so hot, makes me feel so adored. But most of the time, it's not like that. Most of the time, I feel like the student I am. She doesn't put me down exactly, but her sense of superiority is always in evidence, hanging over us and every interaction we have.

Yeah, Carrie's right: I need to do what makes me happy. I need to finish things with Lucy. I mean, we'll be all done in two weeks anyway, but what we have isn't making me happy, well, not all of the time. Besides, I'd rather be... No, no, there is no 'besides'. This is the right thing to do.

* * *

Steeling myself, I buzz the door at Lucy's apartment building. It almost immediately clicks open. I doubt there's anyone out there — apart from a few arseholes — who ever feels anything but shitty when they're about to break up with somebody, but I feel sick to my stomach. At least I'm doing it face-to-face, I tell myself. As the lift doors slide apart, I notice Lucy's door is open. Flickering light and gentle music come from behind it. I push it open and step into the corridor.

"Lucy? Hi? It's Amanda!"

"Come in gorgeous, it's open! I'll be with you in a sec. Take off your coat."

I ponder whether to do as she says or not. I mean, I'm not planning to be here for long, but it's pretty warm in the flat, so I decide to shed it and hang it up. I leave my boots on though.

"This way babe!" Lucy appears, by degrees. First, a long bare leg stretches out into the hall and then hooks around the doorway of the kitchen at the end of the corridor. My pulse quickens. Next a bare arm follows, followed by half her face, as an eye appears. She beckons to me, her smile not quite hidden. I swallow and make my way forward.

"God, I love the way you walk," she purrs. As I near she steps out and my heart leaps to my throat. She is a vision of beauty, in black lingerie, a shiny, satiny bra that gives her more cleavage than I've seen on her before, and high cut underwear that accentuate her delicious hips and slender legs.

"Fuck you're sexy," we both murmur simultaneously. Our eyes widen and then we giggle together, as she wraps her arms around me. "Bloody hell Amanda, I love your laugh. You're just so sexy when you smile, have I told you that? You light me up inside." Her voice has reduced itself to whisper, as her lips hover outside my ear, sending shivers through me. One leg slides up the side of mine, as she brings her face near. "Kiss me, please, I want those beautiful lips of yours on me, please Amanda, please."

Her words stroke through me, charming the blood in my veins. Nobody in my life, male or female, has ever spoken to me this way. I pull her to me and graze her lips with mine. She chases me with her mouth as I kiss over her face, murmuring, begging me to stop teasing her. My hands trace her ribs and I feel her shudder under me, her response turning me on as I finally press my lips to hers. She parts hers with a sigh and sags into me, as our tongues dance delicately, lightly, slowly stroking. My hands follow her contours down, and she moans as they brush her thighs and grip under her bum.

Her hands are cupping my face and she's gasping into my mouth, "please," kiss, "Amanda, you gorgeous," kiss, "sexy woman," kiss, "I need your hands on me," and then she kisses me with a depth of passion that streams through me, stirring me like rain on dry roots. I slip my hands inside her knickers, feeling the heat radiating from her and I instantly feel the slickness of her desire.

She's popping the buttons of my jeans, then her fingers find their way inside as she tries to push them off my hips with her other hand.

"Bedroom?"

"No, sofa."

I pull her by the hand into the candle-lit sitting room. Sumptuous scents perfume the air and I'm aware how hungry I am. But I can wait. I'm hungry for something else first. One last time, to leave on a high, won't hurt, right?

I spin her onto the sofa, and throw myself between her legs. She's scrabbling at my jeans, but I pull her hands away and kiss her deeply, using the weight of my body to press her down and grind into her. She moans and goes limp. I start to kiss down her body, pulling off a cushion to put under my knees as I slip to the floor in front of her. Sucking the skin in the cleft of her cleavage I pull gasps and moans from her mouth. I slip my fingers under the waistband of her underwear and start to pull.

"No," she gasps. Puzzled, I look up at her. She bites her lip and blushes, then, in the smallest voice I've ever heard her use, asks, "would you mind if I left them on?"

"Then how-"

"Just... Pull them to one side?"

"Okay."

"God you're so wonderful. Amanda, you have the sexiest eyes. You slay me babe."

I suck on her ribs and run my tongue down her stomach, feeling the pulse of her muscles underneath as her core flexes.

"Oh, God, Amanda, yes! You're amazing." Her compliments drizzle down upon me. My fingers are gripping and squeezing her thighs, which I can feel trembling with anticipation. I nibble at her navel - "fuck, your mouth is marvellous" - then brush my lips over her panty clad mound. I can smell her excitement, but she describes it for me anyway - "God Amanda, nobody gets me as wet as you do" - as my hands move up the soft, taut flesh of her groin.