This story has its roots in a real-life, really intense friendship I was in a number of years ago. That relationship never became sexual or romantic, never even had the possibility of that, but I did find myself wondering recently what it would have been like if it had played out differently.
The format of this story is unconventional. It contains no dialogue, has far too many commas instead of the em dashes, ellipses, and parenthesis I usually use in abundance, switches between the two characters frequently, and violates the 'show don't tell' rule more often than not. I know not everyone is going to like it, but it just felt right for this story. To me, it almost reads someone interviewed the two characters about how their relationship came to be, and then wrote an article summarizing the interview.
Let me know what you think about the story and the format. If feedback is positive, I'll try to write the brief follow up I have planned. It probably won't be in the same format, but I won't know for sure until I start writing it.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
----------------
BAILEE
At first, we were enemies. Well, not exactly enemies, but we certainly didn't get along. Which was a big problem, considering she was my supervisor at work.
My very first day on the job, she gave me a task that I was almost guaranteed to fail at. It was something that didn't play to my strengths and I had no idea why she assigned that task to me when there were other members of the team who were a) already familiar with the project because they had been hired at the start as opposed to a couple weeks in like I was, and b) were more suited to the task.
I did my best at it that day, and she reassigned me to a different part of the project the next day, but it was the start to a long, frustrating, contentious nine months. I had no idea what she had against me, why she picked on me, why she was constantly criticizing my work in front of the other team members.
SIERRA
I was intimidated by her. That's the reason.
People consider me intimidating, and it's a title I wear proudly. I'm tall, broad, an imposing presence. She's tiny, like pixie-size. But she made me feel insecure, like I was underqualified, even though I had a master's degree and quite a few years of experience more than she had. She was far more qualified than the rest of the team members, didn't need nearly as much training as they did, and picked up the complex concepts like it was easy as pie.
It was also because she was so beautiful it was almost painful to behold. Like you couldn't look directly at her because you would just freeze, like a deer caught in headlights. Like I finally understood what it meant when people would say something or someone was 'stunning.' And it didn't make sense that someone so gorgeous would be doing such a mundane job. People who looked like that worked as models or celebrities, not as my subordinates. So yeah, that was intimidating as fuck.
There wasn't much I could do about her beauty, other than keep from looking at her whole face. I'd look at her forehead instead of at her piercing green eyes. I'd look at her ear instead of at her perfect, sculpted nose, or I'd look at her chin instead of at her lush lips. That worked for the most part, although I did sometimes still get stunned when looking at her.
But I could do something about feeling unqualified compared to her. I totally knew what I was doing when I gave her that task she was completely not qualified or suited for. I needed to see her struggle, I needed to know that there were still some things that I was better at, still some things she needed to learn, still some things I could teach her. I needed to know that she was human.
I felt relieved when she struggled with the task. And also a bit guilty that I assigned it in the first place. But I was never going to make it through the project with my dignity and self-respect intact if I didn't knock her down a few notches in my head.
Even after that, I still struggled with the dynamic. I don't know if it was our personalities clashing, my need to control all the variables and her need for independence, or the fact that she was still so fucking gorgeous and that wasn't going to change. Or maybe I was just inventing ways to antagonize her, just because I could. I was pretty nasty to her. That's not something I'm proud of.
BAILEE
If I'm being honest, I contributed to some of the contention. I wasn't going to just let her dish it out without standing up for myself, so I did. I spoke back in front of the other team members, spoke about her behind her back, and took some creative liberties with the tasks I was given. Only when I thought it would better the result, not to sabotage the project or anything. But she definitely didn't like that, and made it clear as such.
When the nine months of hell were over, I did what I always do. I apologized. I knew she was partially to blame. And I'm not a suck up. I just can't stand people not liking me.
To my surprise, she apologized back.
SIERRA
I was planning on apologizing to her, I promise. She just beat me to it. Also I may have been scared of being vulnerable and may have not had the courage to reach out. But her honesty and vulnerability really impressed me and made it feel like it was okay for me to open up. And it helped that I was no longer her supervisor, so I didn't have to worry about upsetting the power balance. In hindsight, I realize that was a really shitty worry. You can be honest and vulnerable and still maintain your position, as long as you do it with appropriate boundaries. But I didn't know how to do that at that time.
I was kind of shocked how accepting and forgiving she was. It impressed me and made me want to get to know her better. For the first time since that very first day, I deliberately looked directly at her. Even with her still looking unsure and vulnerable, her beauty was still dazzling. It hurt to look at her, but I pushed through, and found that it was worth it. Because when she smiled, her smile lit up my very soul.
And I needed more of that, so ever so tentatively, I extended an invitation to spend some time together. She accepted, and we went out for ice cream the next day.
I consider it to be our first date. But she disagrees.
BAILEE
It definitely wasn't our first date. Not as a couple, at least. We were just friends at that point, and maybe not even that yet. Plus it was super awkward, trying to navigate the new dynamic for the first time.
Two nights later, we spoke on the phone for nearly five hours, late into the night, discussing anything and everything under the sun. Late the next morning, I woke up to a text from her saying she was thinking of me.
My heart fluttered.
I responded that I'd been thinking about her too. And I didn't stop thinking about her for the rest of the day. And the next day, and the day after that, and the whole long weekend.
We texted and emailed constantly, updates about how our vacation between projects was going, how nervous we were about meeting our new project teams, little things like "I saw a pretty flower" and big things like "I think my need to control everything stems from childhood trauma."
And huge things like "love ya" tacked onto the end of an email wishing me goodnight.
My heart did a lengthy gymnastics routine after that one.
SIERRA
I don't know what possessed me to write it. It had only been a week and a half since our first date/not-a-date. We hadn't even seen each other since going out for ice cream because we had made separate vacation plans. Yeah we emailed and texted all day, but it's not the same as spending time in person.
And yet, it was enough.
My emotions were on a rollercoaster all week. Impatience while waiting for her to reply to my messages, disappointment when a text or email came in from someone else, pure elation when she responded, and then back to the beginning for another go.
