I woke up and reached my hand out, touching nothing but empty sheets. I opened my eyes, glancing at the bedside clock. 5:47. Damn. Too late to go back to sleep. Too early to really get up. A mixture of anticipation and dread filled my gut at the thought of what might happen today. The very real possibility that I might lose Keisha as an intern cleared my brain faster than any shower or cup of coffee might. Sighing to myself, I rose out of bed and started my day. A shower and a couple of cups of coffee later and, after gathering my work clothes and laptop, went to work out at the gym. Working out, I pushed myself as hard as I did yesterday with Keisha, making myself sweat, trying to mentally steel my nerves by physically straining my body. Some laps in the pool and another quick shower and I dressed, prepared to go to work.
Walking in, I had to pass Miss Whitten’s office. The door was open and the light was on which really was no surprise. She often worked early as I often worked late. Trying to glide past her notice, I failed spectacularly. She called out to me as I was hurrying down the hallway. I winced, stopped, turned around and entered her office. “Close the door Pam. We need to talk.”
“Yes Miss Whitten.” I pushed it shut and sat down in the chair facing her. Images of being sent to the principal’s office back in high school and the dread that came with it flashed through my mind. There was a silence in the room, a pregnant pause while I waited for her to speak.
“You look very nice today Pam.” That wasn’t what I expected.
“Um…thank you. You do as well, Miss Whitten.” I actually meant it. She always looked professional. Conservative grey or navy blue is what her colors of choice were but today, she’d opted for a maroon and white combo. While she was a bit older than me, Miss Whitten still had a commanding beauty that just drew your eyes to her. Nothing overstated or gauche. Just a natural presence. She smiled at me, trying to calm my nerves, I guess.
“Okay, I’m not going to beat around the bush Pam. We both know why I called you in this morning.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
“Yes ma’am. I understand. I’ll let Keisha know that she will have to be reassigned.”
“Well, if that’s what you want, I’ll try to find you another intern.” My eyes snapped up to she her smiling at me. She reached over to pull a tissue out of the box and handed it to me. I took it, dabbing my eyes and trying not to smear my makeup. “Look Pam, I don’t want to move Keisha around. Ever since she arrived, your productivity and the quality of work has vastly improved. I could tell that you were well on your way to burn out and I was really worried that I would soon lose one of my best analysts. But ever since Miss Stuart has been helping you, I’ve noticed that you’ve become more efficient and I definitely don’t want to jeopardize that.” I smiled when she said that, my breathing starting to calm down somewhat. “That being said,” she continued, “I do have to have your assurance that, while in the office at least, a certain level of professionalism is maintained. Is that understood?” I nodded my head, still a little too elated to be able to reply. So, no more sex in the office, okay?” My eyes widened in shock.
“Um…what do you mean Miss Whitten?” My palms became sweaty again. She smiled at me, punched some keys on her computer and turned the monitor around so I could see. The elevator footage of last Friday night with Keisha and myself holding hands and dressed rather provocatively flashed on the monitor. I blushed and looked away, realizing how stupid and costly that could have been to my career.
“Don’t worry Pam. Nothing is going to come of it. I just ask that you don’t do anything with her here.” I nodded, my face flush from embarrassment. “But, if I may speak on a personal level?” She waited for me to look up at her. I met her gaze and for the first time, really noticed her bluish grey eyes and how beautiful they were. I nodded again, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair tightly. “I was shocked to see you and her at Cheyenne’s yesterday and, honestly, was going to recommend that she be relocated to another analyst.” My mouth went dry when she said that.
“What changed your mind?” My voice was soft and a little hoarse.
“Joyce did.” she answered. “I discussed it with her. She reminded me of what it was like to be young and in, well, is it love?” I thought about it before answering her. It felt strange to be sitting here, facing my boss, talking about such a private matter. But, I realized, this also affected my job so it was in her best interest as well. Also, it felt kind of good to be speaking to someone about this. I really didn’t have any close friends to confide in about my feelings.
“I don’t know yet, honestly, Miss Whitten.”
“Please Pam, call me Barb for now. ‘Miss Whitten’ is about business. This is just between you and me.” I smiled at that and relaxed somewhat. She reached behind her and pulled out a bottle of water from the mini fridge she had in her office, offering it to me. I gratefully accepted it and took a long pull from the bottle. I sat in silence for a few seconds before continuing.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at her head on. “Truthfully Barb, I, um…think so.” The look on her face hardened almost imperceptibly. That look emboldened me and the words started pouring out. “Okay, honestly, it’s been so long for me to be in a relationship that I really don’t know what love is. I mean, I though I was in love before and was hurt bad. I don’t know if I can do it again. I love the way Keisha makes me feel but I don’t know if that is because of her or just because it’s been so long since I’ve felt good inside that any improvement is better and I’m mistaking that for love. We’ve only been together this past weekend and already, I can’t imagine myself without her. That scares me, Barb. What if this is just infatuation and the feelings fade? What if she meets someone better? What if…” my words trailed off. Tears came back and I dabbed my eyes again.
