I woke up and reached my hand out, touching nothing but empty sheets. I opened my eyes, glancing at the bedside clock. 5:47. Damn. Too late to go back to sleep. Too early to really get up. A mixture of anticipation and dread filled my gut at the thought of what might happen today. The very real possibility that I might lose Keisha as an intern cleared my brain faster than any shower or cup of coffee might. Sighing to myself, I rose out of bed and started my day. A shower and a couple of cups of coffee later and, after gathering my work clothes and laptop, went to work out at the gym. Working out, I pushed myself as hard as I did yesterday with Keisha, making myself sweat, trying to mentally steel my nerves by physically straining my body. Some laps in the pool and another quick shower and I dressed, prepared to go to work.
Walking in, I had to pass Miss Whittenâs office. The door was open and the light was on which really was no surprise. She often worked early as I often worked late. Trying to glide past her notice, I failed spectacularly. She called out to me as I was hurrying down the hallway. I winced, stopped, turned around and entered her office. âClose the door Pam. We need to talk.â
âYes Miss Whitten.â I pushed it shut and sat down in the chair facing her. Images of being sent to the principalâs office back in high school and the dread that came with it flashed through my mind. There was a silence in the room, a pregnant pause while I waited for her to speak.
âYou look very nice today Pam.â That wasnât what I expected.
âUmâŠthank you. You do as well, Miss Whitten.â I actually meant it. She always looked professional. Conservative grey or navy blue is what her colors of choice were but today, sheâd opted for a maroon and white combo. While she was a bit older than me, Miss Whitten still had a commanding beauty that just drew your eyes to her. Nothing overstated or gauche. Just a natural presence. She smiled at me, trying to calm my nerves, I guess.
âOkay, Iâm not going to beat around the bush Pam. We both know why I called you in this morning.â I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
âYes maâam. I understand. Iâll let Keisha know that she will have to be reassigned.â
âWell, if thatâs what you want, Iâll try to find you another intern.â My eyes snapped up to she her smiling at me. She reached over to pull a tissue out of the box and handed it to me. I took it, dabbing my eyes and trying not to smear my makeup. âLook Pam, I donât want to move Keisha around. Ever since she arrived, your productivity and the quality of work has vastly improved. I could tell that you were well on your way to burn out and I was really worried that I would soon lose one of my best analysts. But ever since Miss Stuart has been helping you, Iâve noticed that youâve become more efficient and I definitely donât want to jeopardize that.â I smiled when she said that, my breathing starting to calm down somewhat. âThat being said,â she continued, âI do have to have your assurance that, while in the office at least, a certain level of professionalism is maintained. Is that understood?â I nodded my head, still a little too elated to be able to reply. So, no more sex in the office, okay?â My eyes widened in shock.
âUmâŠwhat do you mean Miss Whitten?â My palms became sweaty again. She smiled at me, punched some keys on her computer and turned the monitor around so I could see. The elevator footage of last Friday night with Keisha and myself holding hands and dressed rather provocatively flashed on the monitor. I blushed and looked away, realizing how stupid and costly that could have been to my career.
âDonât worry Pam. Nothing is going to come of it. I just ask that you donât do anything with her here.â I nodded, my face flush from embarrassment. âBut, if I may speak on a personal level?â She waited for me to look up at her. I met her gaze and for the first time, really noticed her bluish grey eyes and how beautiful they were. I nodded again, my hands gripping the armrests of the chair tightly. âI was shocked to see you and her at Cheyenneâs yesterday and, honestly, was going to recommend that she be relocated to another analyst.â My mouth went dry when she said that.
âWhat changed your mind?â My voice was soft and a little hoarse.
âJoyce did.â she answered. âI discussed it with her. She reminded me of what it was like to be young and in, well, is it love?â I thought about it before answering her. It felt strange to be sitting here, facing my boss, talking about such a private matter. But, I realized, this also affected my job so it was in her best interest as well. Also, it felt kind of good to be speaking to someone about this. I really didnât have any close friends to confide in about my feelings.
âI donât know yet, honestly, Miss Whitten.â
âPlease Pam, call me Barb for now. âMiss Whittenâ is about business. This is just between you and me.â I smiled at that and relaxed somewhat. She reached behind her and pulled out a bottle of water from the mini fridge she had in her office, offering it to me. I gratefully accepted it and took a long pull from the bottle. I sat in silence for a few seconds before continuing.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at her head on. âTruthfully Barb, I, umâŠthink so.â The look on her face hardened almost imperceptibly. That look emboldened me and the words started pouring out. âOkay, honestly, itâs been so long for me to be in a relationship that I really donât know what love is. I mean, I though I was in love before and was hurt bad. I donât know if I can do it again. I love the way Keisha makes me feel but I donât know if that is because of her or just because itâs been so long since Iâve felt good inside that any improvement is better and Iâm mistaking that for love. Weâve only been together this past weekend and already, I canât imagine myself without her. That scares me, Barb. What if this is just infatuation and the feelings fade? What if she meets someone better? What ifâŠâ my words trailed off. Tears came back and I dabbed my eyes again.
âLook Pam, this may sound trite, but I know how you feel. Your world changed literally overnight and you donât know what to make of it. I donât want to cheapen your feelings but weâve all been there. I was coming off of a painful divorce to a very abusive husband when I first met Joyce. Iâd never even entertained the thought of being with another women before her but she helped me get rid of a lot of emotional baggage that Iâd been carrying. I too thought that I was in love with Jeff but Joyce made me realize that it was a false love, a desperate need to feel wanted. She helped me through it and I truly love her. Yes, we argue. Yes, we sometimes hurt each otherâs feelings but I canât imagine my life without her. You and Keisha may have just consummated your feelings last Friday but Iâve seen you and her together here. How you look at her when she isnât noticing and vise versa. Also, at Cheyenneâs, how you two looked together. I know how you feel because itâs the same way I feel when Iâm with Joyce. We are happy together. Look deep inside yourself Pam. How do you feel when you are with Keisha? Are you happy? I think you are. Scratch that. I know you are. Thatâs why I didnât remove her from under you. Now, I ask again. Are you in love?â I listened to her words, letting them sink in before replying.
âYes Barb, I love Keisha.â Saying the words out loud was very tough for me to do. One of the toughest things Iâd ever done in my life, in fact. But, it felt good saying it. Barb smiled at me and leaned back in her chair.
âThatâs good to hear Pam. I am genuinely happy for you. Now, can I count on you to keep it professional here?â I nodded again, smiling. âGood. Do you need some time away from the office to collect your thoughts?â I shook my head no, assuring her that I was okay.
âWell, actuallyâŠâ I paused ânow that you mention it, I was thinking of taking a vacation the last week of May.â Miss Whittenâs eyebrows shot up in surprise.
âReally? Miss âI-have-to-be-forced-to-even-take-one-sick-dayâ actually wants a vacation? Well, that really cinches it. I now have proof that Keisha is good for you.â I laughed at that, knowing that she was right. âOkay. Fill out the days and Iâll approve it for you. Should I be expecting one from Miss Stuart as well?â I blushed a little.
âYes maâam. Iâm planning on taking her to Hawaii.â After all that had just transpired, I figured that telling her my plans couldnât hurt. Again, she got a surprised look on her face.
âWow! Well I hope you take lots of pictures. Hawaii is truly breathtaking.â With that, I stood up to leave. I paused at the door, turning to face her.
âThank you Barb. I really appreciate what you just did for me.â We shared a smile and then I left to go to my office. Entering, I looked at the spot of the floor where my life had changed for the better. Memories of last Friday night flooded in and I shuddered at the feelings coursing through me. Sitting at me desk, I forwarded the case Iâd finished up Saturday before filling out the necessary form for vacation time, I actually asked for two weeks off instead of just one, thinking that I would need time to prepare to go and I didnât want to feel rushed. Keisha arrived just before nine, a look of apprehension on her face. I asked her to shut the door and have a seat. I purposefully had a dour expression on my face and Keishaâs shoulders slumped as she sat down.