Eating Peaches, Peeling Bananas My girlfriend, Clara, is always berating me for not eating a healthy diet. While she's drinking organic apple juice or mineral water fresh from some Alpine glacier, I'm happier slurping on a Beck's or guzzling a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Of course, she always makes sure that she has an apple or apricot in her lunch box whilst I'm more likely to pack a marmite sandwich or grab a waffle on the run.
Last week, Clara announced that she was determined that I should eat more nutritiously.
'But fruit's so boring,' I sighed.
'You've not been eating it in the right way, that's all,' said Clara. 'Tonight, my sweetheart, I'll feed you in a way that'll turn you into a fruitaholic for life.'
Some chance, I thought, as I pecked her on the cheek and rushed for the bus with my half-eaten bacon sandwich in hand.
When I arrived home that evening, Clara called me from the bedroom.
I was happy to oblige. During the day she had sent me three or four emails that were delightfully graphic in sentiment but somewhat mysterious in detail. I couldn't wait to be tucked up in bed with her.
As I entered the bedroom, I inhaled the delicious scent of apples, apricot and other more exotic fruits.
Clara was splayed on the bed. She was wearing only a teeshirt that barely reached her bottom. Her long, honey blonde was brushed off her face and her legs, the same saffron shade as her hair, looked gorgeous.
I kissed her eagerly and slipped my hand under her teeshirt to squeeze her fulsome breasts.
She pulled away. 'Get undressed and I'll pour you a cocktail.' Lovely, I thought, drinks too.
'It's a special fruit cocktail,' she said, pouring from a jug. 'See if you like it.'
'Not that again, Clara,' I said. But I tasted it and it was good. Tasted strong too. Was that rum? I soon felt quite heady.