"Are you ok Phoebe?" Ruth asked with a genuine concern in her voice.
"Yep. Why?"
"I heard you moaning and grunting last night and I didn't know if you needed help or not."
"Oh. Sorry about that. I'm good."
"Ok. Was it something with your cerebral palsy?" Ruth asked innocently.
"No, it wasn't that. I just needed to get something out." Phoebe said with a slight blush not realizing that her roommate heard her as she masturbated from her bed on the other side of the dorm. Ruth usually slept so soundly that almost nothing would wake her up. Guess this was the one time out of a hundred.
"Like a splinter or something?"
"Umm no." It was sad but kind of funny how naΓ―ve Ruth was. "Honestly I just needed to cum."
"To where?"
"Not where." Phoebe replied bringing a quizzical look from Ruth as she sat on her bed on the other side of the room. "I needed to orgasm."
The innocent, questioning look stayed as Phoebe tried to figure out how to explain it to her sheltered friend.
"I masturbated." She finally said matter of factly.
"Oh!" Ruth's eyes opened wide as she finally put two and two together.
"I'm sorry. I know how you feel about that kind of stuff." Phoebe said. "Sometimes I just get all worked up and I need to relieve some pressure. I thought you'd be zonked out."
"It's alright. I've finally learned that not everyone has the same beliefs as I do and I need to stop judging them. It's been a struggle getting there." She looked down and fidgeted with her hands resting on her bright pink comforter. "I'm sorry I was not a very nice person at the start of the semester. Everyone I grew up with was judgmental and self-righteous and convinced that if someone didn't believe the way we did they were evil. I was that way too. You are honestly one of the best people I have ever met. Kind, patient, understanding, not judgey. You didn't write me off because I wasn't treating you well and chose to help me become a better person. I still have a long way to go, but I'm trying."
"Aw sweetie. Thank you." Phoebe replied. She shuffled to the other bed to sit next to Ruth and wrap her in a big hug. "You WERE a pain in the ass, but I knew you had a good heart. Just had to help you see that."
"Thank you for being patient with me and showing me kindness. You're the kind of person I want to be."
Phoebe didn't say anything, just squeezed her a little tighter.
"Phoebe, are you awake?" Ruth's voice came from across the room as they lay in the semi darkness later that night, light filtering through the drapes.
"Yeah. What's up?" A long, heavy silence filled the room as Ruth tried to formulate her words.
"What does it feel like to orgasm?"
Phoebe was stunned by the question posed from her ultra-religious friend. Her admissions earlier in the day and the personal growth that had happened over the past months helped Phoebe to decide that she should help her friend understand more about life. Plus, she figured that Ruth's parents had never had and never would have the talk with her.
"Honestly, it is amazing. Imagine little bolts of electricity dancing over all your nerves, then every muscle in your body tensing up only to release all at once in a rush of pure joy."
"Really?!"
"That's probably the best way I can describe it."
"I wish I could experience that."
"Why can't you?"
"It's bad to do. You're not supposed to do that outside of marriage."
"But in marriage it's ok?"
"When you're married, you're supposed to submit to your husband so you can have a family."
"Ruth, I'm sorry but that is a load of horseshit. We have amazing bodies created by god, but someone somewhere said we shouldn't enjoy it? If he created us and gave us the ability to have pleasure, shouldn't we be allowed to? Denying it is kind of like an affront to his designs."
"I never thought of it that way." Ruth said after pondering it for a moment.
"I'm sorry but I just feel pretty strongly about this."
"It's ok. Thank you for sharing with me." The room went silent for a long while until Ruth spoke up and sent a thunderclap though the space. "Can you teach me?"
"You really want this?" Phoebe asked after she got over her immediate shock.
"I do." Ruth replied, a little bit of waver in her voice. "You're right. If god created all of us and gave us the ability to feel pleasure then it isn't a sin. It is kind of like honoring him."
"Ok sweetie." Phoebe wasn't quite sure how to help her friend, but she would give it her best shot. Helping Ruth understand her body was another step towards becoming a whole person. "First, it helps if you can get your juices flowing. "
"How do I do that?"
"Try thinking about something that turns you on."
"I don't know what does that." Ruth replied disheartened.
"Have you ever seen or thought about something that makes your heart race and feel topsy turvy in your stomach?"
"I have." Ruth said after thinking a moment.
"Good. Think about that."
"I can't. It's bad."
"Oh Ruth. It's ok. Listen I'm not going to judge you or think poorly of you. Can you tell me what it is?"
"Ummm." Ruth stammered from her bed.
"Would it help if I told you something that turns me on?"
"Maybe."
"This past summer I was a cabin counselor for a girl's summer camp and at night the counselors would sneak down to the lakefront and swim. One night we didn't bring our suits so we stripped down and swam naked. Feeling the cool water on my skin and seeing my friends with nothing on but smiles gets me excited." Phoebe said, a smile crossing her face as she remembered the scene. She left out the make out session with Janice on the beach afterward since that might be too far for Ruth.
"Thank you for sharing that. Ok, here goes." Ruth took a couple deep breaths to summon her courage. "Last weekend when it was raining and we were just hanging around in the room. You spent the day in your polka dot panties and tank top. Everything about that gives me butterflies. Your smooth legs, skimpy panties, purple belly button ring on your flat tummy, crazy red hair, but mostly your smile. I kind of liked looking at your breasts too."
"Really?" Phoebe asked, astonished that her straitlaced friend had even looked at another woman.
"Yes. Honestly, I feel so conflicted about it. I mean I'm not supposed to feel that way about girls."