As women, we have all thought about it now and then. Whether it is in disgust, mild curiosity, or if it is an utter turn-on is irrelevant. When you are on the examination table, your feet are in the stirrups, and the doctor is prodding and poking you with those cold metal instruments, you are at your most vulnerable. Maybe it is a fleeting thought or something you can’t get out of your head, it is there-- what would feel like if those gloved fingers started stroking me? I recently had that question answered for me.
I had changed from a male ob/gyn to a woman. My friends had all explained how much more comfortable these examinations were coming from someone who knew what you were going through. I was just as apprehensive about my appointment with the new doctor as I always was about my others but Dr. Mary’s reputation was impressive so I decided to give her a whirl. Her office was bright. The nurses and receptionists, all women, were so very kind and cheerful. It was all contagious. I felt all my apprehensions about switching doctors fade away well before meeting Dr. Mary.
I sat in the examination room awaiting instruction from the nurse. She stuck her head in the door and motioned for me to follow her. “Dr. Mary would like to speak with you in her office before the examination.” she explained. Seeing my concern, she smiled brightly and said “She just likes to get to know each of her patients. Nothing to worry about. I promise.” She led me into a sunshiny room that did not in the least bit resemble an office. I looked for a desk but there were only a few overstuffed chairs and a comfy looking sofa. Happy, upbeat music played softly in the background and pictures of beautiful newborn babies adorned the walls.
“The doctor will be right in with you.” she told me. “Just make yourself comfortable.” I stepped into the room and walked around the large room, looking at the pictures of babies and radiant new mothers. I thought back to my two little ones at home and smiled softly at the memory of holding them for the first time. “You have two right?” a soft voice said, startling me.
“Uh, yes I do.” I stammered as I turned around. I found myself looking into the clearest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Her pale hair seemed as fine and as soft as cotton candy. The name stitched on her white coat identified her as Dr. Mary, but she looked so young and sweet, I found myself wondering how she ever survived the rigors of medical school. She smiled at me sweetly and moved into the room with her hand outstretched toward me. She moved with a natural grace that I had never seen from anyone else before and when I realized that I was staring I looked away quickly. Standing in front of me, I could see she was tiny, making me feel big and awkward. Instead of shaking my hand like I had expected her to do, she clasped it between hers. I felt the fire from her touch light in my fingertips and spread through my bloodstream. My cheeks burned in embarrassment at my reaction but she seemed to be oblivious to my discomfort.
“I’m so happy to meet you. It’s always a pleasure when we get a new friend here.” she told me with sincerity. I looked into her eyes and knew that I could easily get lost in their depths. “Tell me about yourself?” she asked, leading me to one of the chairs. She fell back onto the couch, slipped her shoes off, and drew her feet under her. It struck me that this seemed more like a pleasant visit with a friend than a doctor’s appointment.
I begin to outline my medical history, as I would do with any other doctor, but quickly shut my mouth when she begin to laugh.
“I have your file. I know all about your medical history but that just you, the patient, not you, the person. I’m going to be seeing you through a pregnancy and childbirth. That makes me a big part of your life and you a big part of mine.” she said softly. What she said begin to sink in and I knew that she must be mistaken.
“But I’m not.....You must have me mixed up with someone else. I’m just here for my yearly checkup. I’m on birth control.” I stammered.
She smiled, “Trust me. I have a sixth sense for these things. We’ll set up an appointment for next week to go through all the tests, ok?”
I just stared at her, unsure what to do. I couldn’t say anything. Obviously this enchanting woman had me mixed up with someone else. She had to. She must be mistaken. As these things were passing through my head, I suddenly remember the nausea that I had been going through. I just passed it off as part of the stomach bug that had been floating around my family. It occurred to me that I also hadn’t had a period this month. I was never one to count the days so it easily slipped past without notice.
Dr. Mary was just letting me absorb all of this. When I looked up at her again, I knew that she was right and the rush of emotions hit me fully. She smiled knowingly and leaned over to take my hand in hers again. The fire from before picked up right where it left off. This was too much for me to handle all at once and I felt the tears as they begin to roll down my cheeks. I just stared into her understanding eyes and cried. She just held onto my hand and said nothing.
I didn’t tell her anything about myself that day, nor did she tell me anything about herself. There just wasn’t time. But I felt closer to her than I ever had to anyone else. I didn’t know why but when I left that office, I felt like a changed person.
I showed up for the next appointment, my stomach churning withanticipation, at seeing Dr. Mary again and at confirming what I already knew to be true. I hadn’t told anyone about what I learned from my last visit yet. I wanted to be 100 percent about it before I did. I was led into an examination room by the same cheery nurse that I saw last time I was here. She was chatty as she handed me a soft hospital gown and a paper sheet for my legs. Lost in my own thoughts, I found it impossible to follow her conversation as she flitted around the room. I realized that she had asked me a question that I did not hear when I found her looking at me inquisitively.
She smiled and repeated, “Is there anything else I can get you?” When I shook my head, she headed for the door and said, “You can put those on and Dr. Mary will be here in just a couple of minutes.”
