I didn't see Rebecca for about three weeks after our make-out session. We had talked on the phone and we were texting rather frequently, but our lives had kept us away from each other. I was going through a lot at home with the kids, trying to be a single mom. Making sure they came first and hoping to be the super mom they needed. Trying to put food on the table with the menial job I worked. Trying to come to grasp with who I was, where I was going, or what I was looking for. Trying to figure out if I was actually a lesbian, Bi-Sexual, or maybe just Bi-Curious. Or maybe my lust and actions were just my way of coping with my failed marriage with a lust for a woman, instead of a man. Or just keeping everything bottled up instead of just letting reality crash upon me. Too many things pulling at the mind for too many days.
Remember I told you I had bouts of depression and anxiety? Well, those get heightened when something out of the ordinary is thrown at my feet. Something life-alerting or life-changing situation can send me into a tailspin. Well, a heated make-out session with a woman, in a car, on a night after working a "new job", a divorce, kids, a new apartment, and a host of other problems, had me spinning.
But I will say this, I thought about Rebecca every day. On some days I was overly anxious and nervous about the whole situation. I mean, seriously, I had never had thoughts of dating a woman, let alone fucking one. Never even dreamed I would have had that kind of a night with her as we did. But then there were days when my heart felt like it was full of love and warmth thinking of her. I was over ecstatic when she texted, or when I was fantasizing about her late at night. I finally came to the decision that only time would tell my story with or without her. Turns out... it was with her.
My ex finally managed to get a weekend off and was taking the kids. I wanted to call Rebecca to ask her to do something fun, a night out perhaps. Dinner. A movie, something where we could be together. But she beat me to the punch. I got a text from her on Thursday night reading"
"Hey I don't know if you are free this weekend, but I didn't sign up to work, so I have my Saturday night free. Wanna do something?"
My heart leapt reading that and even though my hands were shaking as I replied back. My answer was a large bold print, YES!
Rebecca and I texted back and forth a while that night and into Friday finally deciding we were going to go shopping downtown, along Michigan Avenue, maybe have an early dinner, and then see a movie. When Saturday late afternoon came, I was a complete train wreck. My long-time friend was over to help me get dressed. She kept asking me, well what kind of a guy is he? Thinking I was going out with a man. I kept having to beat around the bush, making shit up. I couldn't tell her it was a girl. We finally decided on a long flowing summer dress, white in color, with patterns of maroons and purples lightly accenting it. High heel shoes and my hair up in a ponytail.
I drove to Rebecca's and picked her up. She was dressed in a longer body-forming dress down past her knees with heels and a beautiful ambient blue shawl over her shoulders. We drove downtown, parked, and started our adventure.
I think we were both nervous as we were more dressed up than we usually are when we see each other at work. She was so pretty that day. Her brown hair was styled, her make-up making her look younger and sexier than she already was. Her tight-fitting dress hugged her body. Her light-colored lipstick made her lips look so erotic and kissable.
We shopped for about an hour walking up and down the Mag Mile (as it's called) and bought some odds-and-ends stuff. We stopped in this little mom-and-pop restaurant and had a nice quiet dinner. The tension of the afternoon was building inside of me like it hadn't had since before I was married. I was so confused about how to act, or what to say. Should I have kissed her when she got into the car? Should I be holding her hand as we walked? I mean her text kept repeating in my head that she wanted this, she wanted me, but she wasn't making any moves either. Was she as scared, or as nervous as I was? But all of those fears and concerns came to a sudden end as we left the restaurant.
As I was paying the bill, Rebecca slid up behind me lightly wrapping her arm around the front of my waist. She leaned in and placed a soft gentle light kiss on the back of my neck as if she was telling the hostess behind the counter - this one is mine.
We walked hand in hand back to the parking garage. And as odd as it felt to hold another woman's hand in public, it was also extremely enlightening. As I drove to the movie theater, she held my arm, laced between her arms almost all the way there. We walked arm in arm all the way to; and into the movie theater, as we picked out our seats. We had bought a big bucket of popcorn and a large coke to share and were munching and drinking through the first half of the movie.
Rebecca was sitting to the right of me, her hand in mine as we both were engrossed in the movie. My mind was spinning. Here I was on a date with a woman, sitting hand in hand in a dark theater, sharing food and drink and hoping it would lead to more. And it did!
Rebecca pulled her hand from mine, whispering, "It's falling asleep."
She shook her hand out for a few seconds, but instead of placing it down on the armrest, or resting it on her legs, her hand came to rest on my left leg. She let it sit for a while, but slowly and surely, I felt her fingers rubbing on the material of my dress. More and more her fingers grew tighter and deeper onto my skin spreading her fingers out, then back closed again My heart was racing. After a while, her hand started sliding up and down my dress from my upper knee to about the crack between my legs. She never reached for my pussy, but was coming closer and closer with each pass.
