Discovering Myself

I didn't see Rebecca for about three weeks after our make-out session. We had talked on the phone and we were texting rather frequently, but our lives had kept us away from each other. I was going through a lot at home with the kids, trying to be a single mom. Making sure they came first and hoping to be the super mom they needed. Trying to put food on the table with the menial job I worked. Trying to come to grasp with who I was, where I was going, or what I was looking for. Trying to figure out if I was actually a lesbian, Bi-Sexual, or maybe just Bi-Curious. Or maybe my lust and actions were just my way of coping with my failed marriage with a lust for a woman, instead of a man. Or just keeping everything bottled up instead of just letting reality crash upon me. Too many things pulling at the mind for too many days.

Remember I told you I had bouts of depression and anxiety? Well, those get heightened when something out of the ordinary is thrown at my feet. Something life-alerting or life-changing situation can send me into a tailspin. Well, a heated make-out session with a woman, in a car, on a night after working a "new job", a divorce, kids, a new apartment, and a host of other problems, had me spinning.

But I will say this, I thought about Rebecca every day. On some days I was overly anxious and nervous about the whole situation. I mean, seriously, I had never had thoughts of dating a woman, let alone fucking one. Never even dreamed I would have had that kind of a night with her as we did. But then there were days when my heart felt like it was full of love and warmth thinking of her. I was over ecstatic when she texted, or when I was fantasizing about her late at night. I finally came to the decision that only time would tell my story with or without her. Turns out... it was with her.

My ex finally managed to get a weekend off and was taking the kids. I wanted to call Rebecca to ask her to do something fun, a night out perhaps. Dinner. A movie, something where we could be together. But she beat me to the punch. I got a text from her on Thursday night reading"

"Hey I don't know if you are free this weekend, but I didn't sign up to work, so I have my Saturday night free. Wanna do something?"

My heart leapt reading that and even though my hands were shaking as I replied back. My answer was a large bold print, YES!

Rebecca and I texted back and forth a while that night and into Friday finally deciding we were going to go shopping downtown, along Michigan Avenue, maybe have an early dinner, and then see a movie. When Saturday late afternoon came, I was a complete train wreck. My long-time friend was over to help me get dressed. She kept asking me, well what kind of a guy is he? Thinking I was going out with a man. I kept having to beat around the bush, making shit up. I couldn't tell her it was a girl. We finally decided on a long flowing summer dress, white in color, with patterns of maroons and purples lightly accenting it. High heel shoes and my hair up in a ponytail.

I drove to Rebecca's and picked her up. She was dressed in a longer body-forming dress down past her knees with heels and a beautiful ambient blue shawl over her shoulders. We drove downtown, parked, and started our adventure.

I think we were both nervous as we were more dressed up than we usually are when we see each other at work. She was so pretty that day. Her brown hair was styled, her make-up making her look younger and sexier than she already was. Her tight-fitting dress hugged her body. Her light-colored lipstick made her lips look so erotic and kissable.

We shopped for about an hour walking up and down the Mag Mile (as it's called) and bought some odds-and-ends stuff. We stopped in this little mom-and-pop restaurant and had a nice quiet dinner. The tension of the afternoon was building inside of me like it hadn't had since before I was married. I was so confused about how to act, or what to say. Should I have kissed her when she got into the car? Should I be holding her hand as we walked? I mean her text kept repeating in my head that she wanted this, she wanted me, but she wasn't making any moves either. Was she as scared, or as nervous as I was? But all of those fears and concerns came to a sudden end as we left the restaurant.

As I was paying the bill, Rebecca slid up behind me lightly wrapping her arm around the front of my waist. She leaned in and placed a soft gentle light kiss on the back of my neck as if she was telling the hostess behind the counter - this one is mine.

We walked hand in hand back to the parking garage. And as odd as it felt to hold another woman's hand in public, it was also extremely enlightening. As I drove to the movie theater, she held my arm, laced between her arms almost all the way there. We walked arm in arm all the way to; and into the movie theater, as we picked out our seats. We had bought a big bucket of popcorn and a large coke to share and were munching and drinking through the first half of the movie.

Rebecca was sitting to the right of me, her hand in mine as we both were engrossed in the movie. My mind was spinning. Here I was on a date with a woman, sitting hand in hand in a dark theater, sharing food and drink and hoping it would lead to more. And it did!

Rebecca pulled her hand from mine, whispering, "It's falling asleep."

She shook her hand out for a few seconds, but instead of placing it down on the armrest, or resting it on her legs, her hand came to rest on my left leg. She let it sit for a while, but slowly and surely, I felt her fingers rubbing on the material of my dress. More and more her fingers grew tighter and deeper onto my skin spreading her fingers out, then back closed again My heart was racing. After a while, her hand started sliding up and down my dress from my upper knee to about the crack between my legs. She never reached for my pussy, but was coming closer and closer with each pass.

I was becoming overly excited and overly aroused. At one point I looked over at her as she was looking at me. Our eyes met and we just sat fixated on one another for a while. I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted to kiss her, but we both just sat fearful of making that move. I shifted my arm, sliding it under hers placing my hand on top of her leg, and began rubbing up and down, along her dress line and as far up as I could without being too obvious.

My stomach had butterflies, my heart was racing and to be honest, I was getting wet. I wanted her. I wanted this. I wanted her fingers in me. Her tongue in me, her body on top of mine. I wanted to feel her warm body pressing up against mine. I wanted to feel her breath as she whimpered and moaned. I wanted it all. Whatever this was between us, I wanted it!

When the movie ended, we both freshened up in the bathroom, trying to figure out our next move. I mustered the courage and said, "Why don't we go back to your place."

With a big smile, Rebecca replied, "Ok."

As I was driving back, I was shaking like a leaf on a tree. I felt like I did before I was married. I felt like a young woman again, who knew "tonight was the night." We both knew we were going back to her place. We both knew what we were going there for. We weren't there to paint each other's nails, or to watch a scary movie, we were going there to have sex! And as shaky and as nervous as I was. I was somewhat at ease knowing it was her.

We parked in her driveway and got out of the car, walking up her stairs. Rebecca fumbled with her keys trying to open the door, and I was thinking to myself, how is this going to go? Are we going to beat around the bush for a while? Or watch TV? Then fool around, but the passion got the best of us the minute that door closed.

W stood in her foyer kicking off our shoes when the room went quiet. We both came upright at almost the same time, looking at each other eye to eye. We sat in a stare for what seemed like minutes. I could see her breath was rapid and heavy, as was mine.

Rebecca leaned towards me, wrapping her hand around the back of my head, pulling me towards her. Our lips met and the kiss was immediate and passionate. We stood shifting our heads side to side, our mouths wide open, our tongues swirling around each other's mouths. Our hands and fingers touching and caressing each other. We both broke from the kiss, almost giggling at each other because of our fears in delaying this, but realizing how into each other we were as we stared deeper into each other's eyes.

Rebecca walked me passed her front room by my hand, my dress flowing as I followed. As she guided down the hallway towards her bedroom, she stopped and pinned me up against the wall. We kissed deeply again, this time with more passion and more sensuality that I could have imagine. Her hand cupped my left breast over my dress, up around my neck and back down again, time after time while we were making out. My hands roamed along her back, on top of her ass and up behind her head. I wanted to pull her inside of me. I wanted her to be inside of me. I was no longer nervous; I was extremely turned on. She pulled from our kiss and asked, "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes," I whispered. As I nodded my head up and down.

Rebecca led me by the hand again as we walked into her bedroom, she turned on a soft lit lamp at her bed table and we both laid down on her bed. Rebecca came to rest on top of me, kissing me deeply and passionately. Our hands rubbed and caressed each other's bodies. I broke from the kiss and kissed her face, her neck, and the exposed part of her chest where her dress stopped. My legs wrapped around her as her hand continued to cup and caress my tits.

My pussy was throbbing and my ass ached to be filled, but in this case, it wasn't a man that was going to fuck me, it was this hot woman. We roll, tossed, and turned so much that both of the bottoms of our dresses were up at our waist. I was trying to unzip hers and get it open as she was trying to get mine up and over my head. Rebecca pulled away for a moment adjusted herself and unzipped the back of her dress, I pulled it off of her shoulders exposing her sexy bra. Without thought, I pulled the cups down and started sucking on her tits. I was so excited to have them in my mouth and to hear her moan as I was licking, kissing, and sucking both her nipples.

Rebecca's hand was on the back of my head as I engaged with her tits. She pushed me back down onto the mattress and was reaching up between my legs and was trying to get her hand into my bra, through my tangled-up dress as we were kissing deeply again.

I stopped her for a moment and got off of the bed. I had to pull the summer dress down and re-position it to get it off. I pulled it up and over my head exposing myself to her. My white matching panties and bra came into her vision. As I climbed back onto the bed, Rebecca laid me down flat, simultaneously pulling my bra cups down. Her face dove deep into my breasts and she started sucking and licking my tits as no one had ever done before.

Her hand slid up and down in between my legs, finally making her way to my panties, rubbing my pussy over the material. I was so turned on and so in lust at that moment. Rebecca rubbed my pussy while tantalizing my tits for a few moments as I was reaching under her cupping her tits. I don't know if she could feel it but at that moment, I was dripping wet and wide open.

Rebecca sat herself up and onto her knees as she started to slide my panties off. I got really nervous for a second, but I was so overstimulated that, the want of sex with her overrode my fears. At that point, Rebecca could have done whatever she to me and I would have gone along. Rebecca softly and slowly kissed her way down from my chest, past my belly button along the top of my thighs, and made her way to my pussy.

Her face dove right in and I felt her warm mouth and tongue cover my clit. She started licking and sucking my pussy, up and down, getting me even more turned on and wetter than I already was. I laid flat on my back looking down at the top of her head, my legs spread wide open, her hair covering the little patch of landing strip hair I have on my pussy, as her head rocked back and forth, up and down and along me.

Rebecca's head pulled back just a bit, as she flipped her hair out of the way. I could see her tongue licking and twirling around my clit as she slid two fingers inside of me. She was pumping back and forth as her tongue enhance the feeling. I laid there moaning and groaning, shifting my hips backward and forwards. My head leaning back, then coming forward to watch her stimulate my pussy, as no one had in a long time. And surely not stimulated like this by a woman. My mouth was wide open, drooling in pleasure. Every now and then Rebecca, would lift her face and look me deeply in the eyes as her fingers continue to ram in and out of my wide open, wet pussy. I was moaning at such volume and veracity that she knew she was getting me off. And as weird as it was to have a woman eating me out, it was just as exciting and taboo watching her doing it. I was fucking loving it and I was getting off by seeing her doing it!

Rebecca fingered me for about another minute or so until I finally reached orgasm. My legs and body shook as I came on her face and fingers, gasping for air, realizing just how hot and sensual this was. How hot and sensual she was.

After I finished cumming Rebecca came back on top of me, face to face kissing me deeply. I could taste my pussy on her lips, I could feel my wetness on her face, I could feel the sweat on her forehead. As we kissed, I rolled Rebecca off of me and pulled the rest of her clothing off. I wanted her naked, I wanted her body, I wanted to eat her pussy. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted every minute of it.

We were wrapped in each other's bodies and as excited as I was about going down on her, the panic - once again - set in. I suddenly was scared. I had never done this before. I stayed in our position kissing and fondling her for a long time. My pussy grinding on her left leg, our tits pushed up against each other, My hands wandering, our mouths buried deeply in one another.

I VERY slowly drifted away from her face, stopping at her nipples, sucking on them, while my hand drifted way south and started rubbing over her completely waxed pussy. She was wet and throbbing and I knew that I wanted this. I just had to get out of my own way, and go down there and do it.

After a brief pause at her tits, I kissed my way down her torso, passed her belly button, along the outer edges of both hips, slowly lowering my body down flat on the mattress. I kissed back and forth upon her lower stomach. I would lift my head occasionally and look down between her legs to get a glimpse of her pussy. I knew I had to be brave, so I slid further down the mattress and off of her coming face to face with her pussy. It was so sexy. It was wet, it was open, it was waxed and it was exciting. I leaned in and placed my lips on her clit. I softly kissed and lightly licked up and down, getting my first taste of pussy. Rebecca was watching every move I was making, which made me even more nervous.

I had never eaten pussy before. I had never done this, I was in all essence, INEXPERIENCED! But I figured I know what I like, so I am going to do to her what I like done to me. I licked and sucked and kissed every inch of her lips. I went up and down and side to side, using my tongue and my who mouth to taste every bit of her. I could hear her moaning, but I was more focused on what I was doing than paying attention to her. I slid a finger inside of her, then two and was rocking my arm back and forth as my mouth kept swirling around her clit like she did to me. Rebecca's breathing became heavy, her body arched, her moans increased and I found myself getting wet again as I was bringing her to orgasm.

"Yes, Katie," she whimpered. "Just like that!" Rebecca came about 10 seconds later locking her legs together pinning my head between her thighs and my fingers deep inside of her.

As she released her legs, Rebecca pulled me back on top of her, just off to the side and we kissed deeply. She broke from our kiss and whispered, "Rub my clit."

I rubbed her clit with my fingers while we kissed and touched more. It wasn't long until she was cumming again. This time she stopped my fingers from moving by holding her hand over mine. I laid my head upon her chest in relief I had gotten her off but wondered if I had done well for her sexually.

Rebecca pulled the covers over both of us and we laid there for a while, our naked bodies pressing up against each other. I wanted to fool around some more, but I wasn't sure if she was in the mood. We talked for a while and had a few smokes before I decided to hear out.

Rebecca walked me to the door in her robe, after I got dressed. We stopped at her doorway for a long hug and a soft gentle kiss. I opened the door and walked out, got in my car, and began driving home. I was a little uneasy as I left there, thinking maybe I wasn't good enough. Maybe I didn't please her enough. Maybe my lack of experience disappointed her. But also, absolutely ecstatic that I had sex with her. That I had experienced lesbian sex. That I ate pussy. That I got eaten out by this hot chick. I tell you I got wet again as I drove. I wanted more. And I sure hoped she was serious about wanting me and some form of a relationship, versus some lustful one-night stand.

I didn't text her that night when I got home, I figured I'd just leave it alone. But the next day we did talk more. Rebecca wasn't disappointed in my experience; just felt maybe we needed more time to learn more from each other. I had no doubt I was falling for her and for women (in general) and wanted to explore more. Sunday night as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about her more and I got so turned on that I got out my suction cup dildo and rode it in my pussy until I came, then up my ass until I came again. But P.S. that was the last "kind of dick" I had in my life for the next year and a half.

Rebecca ended up teaching me more about loving a woman than I could have ever imagined. And opened doors for me that I never knew existed. She helped me discover myself, more than anyone had before. It did take a while and I had some rough times accepting and understanding things more, but I am proud to have announced to everyone (since and now) that I am Bi-Sexual. And to be honest, I really think I like girls more than boys. I'll tell you a bit more about Rebecca and my experiences in the next chapter.