After my first session with Ron, it was time to meet with his wife, Ellen.
Ellen was a few years older than Ron but you wouldn't have known it. She took great care of herself. Even after two children, she was in good physical condition (though she thought of herself as unattractive). She was blonde like her husband, with soulful, dark eyes.
She came from a religious upbringing where sex was thought of as dirty or purely for procreation. While Ellen had other lovers before Ron, she'd never completely given into her desires and was now frustrated to the point of sexual dysfunction.
As she spoke about her marriage, those large, dark eyes welled up with tears. I handed her my tissues as she told me her fear of losing her husband. She didn't appear to know about what was happening with Tina and Ron, but she knew something was wrong. She wanted to blame Ron but after her last child, her sex drive dropped so low that she just couldn't muster the energy or enthusiasm to make love to the father of her children. Every day that they argued about sex was another day of resentment and isolation. She'd become sexually and emotionally distant from her husband.
"Ellen, were you sexually satisfied with Ron before the children?"
"Yes Doctor....I mean Alanna..." wiping her sniffles as she spoke. "It's just that with the kids and our jobs, I just can't ever relax enough to enjoy myself or my husband."
"Talk to me about enjoying yourself." I wasn't sure if she was alluding to more than some Haagen Das and Sex And the City Reruns.
"Well, I'm embarrassed. I don't even masturbate anymore. I have lost my desire completely. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my husband."
I moved from my chair, over to the couch where her husband sat on his previous visit. I placed my hand gently on her knee and looked directly into her eyes.
"I think I can help you. This will take some time and you'll have to be open minded. You'll have to perform some exercises with me, and later, with your husband and myself. Do you think you can handle that emotionally?"
She smiled for the first time during our session. "Yes, yes. I'll do whatever it takes to keep my marriage."
Obviously, I couldn't break my confidentiality agreement with Ron so I had to teach her to make love to him the way Tina had...the way I did it every week when I saw him.
I also had to teach Ellen what it was like to be a woman; to fully explore the pleasures and titillate our every nerve ending until orgasm was imminent. My first plan of attack was to get Ellen to masturbate. I would assign it as homework and when she visits me, we can do it together so that I can see her progress as well as give her tips on technique and relaxation.
The next step would be to have Ron come in with Ellen for couples therapy. I would have them make love and provide instruction, as needed. While sex is a primitive instinct, it serves little purpose but for procreation. This couple didn't need to learn to fuck; they needed to learn how to pleasure each other to the utmost...to make love.
I discussed my plan with Ellen and assigned her the homework. I explained about the roleplay, the guidance I would give during their couples therapy, and then the step that usually concerns most wives: during their lovemaking, if either one is not fully stimulated or cannot perform an act the way his/her spouse craves, I would step in and join them. I would lead the exercise as an observer unless needed for hands-on (or mouth-on) assistance.
To my surprise, Ellen not only agreed but confided to me that while in college, she had a bi-sexual encounter. She'd never even told Ron about this affair because it only lasted a few months and she considered it a fling...something wild yet something shameful (her repressed upbringing was bleeding over into her life from early on).
