Thankfully, my alarm went off in the morning. I wasn't feeling much like it, but I went ahead and did my normal routine. I gave myself an enema in the shower, I masturbated five times, wrote DARLA in my ass crack, put the bands on my nipples and got dressed for school. The tattoos caused me such agony. I couldn't believe they would mark me for the next week or two.
I wore the most conservative outfit I could find. The purple T shirt was long enough to tuck into my skirt. The just-above-the-knee denim skirt was long enough to cover my ass even when I bent over. No bra or panties, of course, I didn't have any. I pulled on a pair of purple socks and black ankle boots. I finished with a set of bracelets on each wrist to obscure my Lesbian Slut stamps and headed down for breakfast.
I had a piece of toast, a glass of orange juice and a casual conversation with Mom before she headed out to work. I watched the clock and suddenly wished I didn't have to ride the bus to school. I wondered if Julie would sit beside me, like she had for the last seven years or would she avoid me like the plague.
I let myself sob for a little while. It was best to get it out now, or at least to try to get it out now. I didn't want to cry on the bus. At five minutes to bus arrival, I went to the bathroom and cleaned up my face. I grabbed my back pack and headed out the door to my fate.
Outside, it was a pleasant enough of a day. I felt miserable though as I walked towards the bus stop. Julie wasn't there. Each step was labored as I made my way to the stop and arrived with a couple of minutes to spare.
I looked at her door, waiting for her to come out. Each second that ticked away was painful. Was she looking out her window at me? Was she going to come out at just the last second to catch the bus so she wouldn't have to deal with me? Would she out me to the whole school? Would she just get her mom to drive her to school so she wouldn't have to see me?
My question was answered, when I saw a familiar car pull in front of Julie's house. I had driven that car just two days ago. It was Brad and Rebecca. They never even got out, Julie came out of the door as they pulled in and wouldn't even look at me. She climbed in the passenger side to the back seat and they drove off.
I watched, tears springing to my eyes to see if she would even turn back to look at me. She didn't. I bawled and shook and saw... a piece of glass sitting on the ground, it was a whole broken bottle actually. I wondered what it would feel like? How would it feel to cut my skin? Just a little cut; just enough to let the pain out. I leaned over to pick up a large shard and through blurry eyes, I saw the bus coming. I stuffed the piece of glass in my book bag and climbed on the bus.
I went to our usual seat and fell into it. I turned my head out the window and cried, staring at the passing scenery, taking in none of it. It was the worst ride to school of my life. Someone tapped my shoulder from the seat behind me, gently.
"Are you okay Carrie?" A voice whispered softly.
"No," I whimpered, "But there is nothing you can do, thanks." I knew who sat there, no point looking back, she wasn't a friend, just an acquaintance.
The bus finally arrived at school and I waited there, crying out the window as the bus emptied of all the other students. When the last had passed from behind me, I wiped my eyes and stood up and took my place in line to get off the bus.
As I descended the steps off the bus, I looked through reddened eyes for someone, anyone who could make me feel better. Perhaps even someone who could make me feel worse. I found both as I saw Farin and Rebecca waiting at the steps to school off to the side.
I approached them, knowing what they wanted to know and see. Farin smiled brightly at me, but I couldn't bring myself to return it. I closed the distance, solemnly awaiting something to make me feel alive again, to take away the deep pain in my chest.
"What's wrong?" Farin asked me, quite concerned as I got within talking distance.
Rebecca laughed. "She told Julie she is a lesbian and Julie freaked."
I raised my eyes to Rebecca's, my mouth open to stammer some response, but none came and I hung my head dejectedly and let the tears flow once more.
"You can really be a bitch sometimes Rebecca." Farin whispered loud enough for me to hear. She came over and hugged me and as good as it felt, I couldn't hug her back. I just hung there, kind of existing.
Farin wrapped an arm around my waist and led me inside, Rebecca following right behind us. "She thinks you want to fuck her now, you know that right?" Rebecca laughed. "Of course, it's obvious she is right about that."
I started to turn to argue, but just let myself turn back and walk numbly to the bathroom with Farin. Farin pushed the door open and led me back to the stall at the end. "I did it all." I mumbled, somewhat put of that Farin felt the need to check.
"I know." Farin whispered. I looked up at her face and she started to cry.
"Oh for God's sake." Rebecca broke in. "Honestly Farin, if you aren't able to handle it just fucking leave."
Farin didn't say a word, she just turned away from me and sobbed softly. I was confused and a little frightened.
"Look," Rebecca said to me, "I know you are all fucked up or whatever about Julie. Just let it go. We don't have time for these little broken hearts of yours all the time."
I looked at Rebecca and wanted to scream at her, but I dropped my head towards the floor and said nothing. "Darla thinks we have been way too easy on you, so shit is going to get a little more interesting." She smiled. "Well, interesting for me anyway. She gave me freedom to collect on my favors."
I looked at her hard, something inside me wanted to slap her. But, I didn't, I just stood there and waited for whatever she had to say.
"Good, glad you know your place." She smiled. "From now on, what I say goes. Farin," And she said her name like it pained her to say it, "Could do the same, but we both know she loves you and won't. Whatever, her loss."
"Keep your phone on hand at all times, answer your text messages immediately. We are having lunch in the bathroom again, so meet me there straight from fourth period. Run there or I will let you perform without your mask."
I shuddered at the thought of the gimp suit. Rebecca saw my reaction and laughed lightly. "No paddle this time, apparently your sorry ass can't handle it. I have some other things in store for you. Now, bend over, lift your skirt over your ass and spread your cheeks."
I glared at her and didn't move for a few seconds. Rebecca lifted her hand as if to slap me, but I turned before she did, bent and lifted my skirt. "Good whore." She giggled. "Now, this is going to be uncomfortable, but you will thank Darla for it later. Personally, I would rather go without it, but she doesn't want you to get hurt too bad."
