I thought about it constantly. Even as the weeks passed by and the blind at the window stayed drawn, my mind strayed back to it over and over again. Me watching her whilst she watched me. I replayed it constantly, a throb of desire beating away at me.
But life carried on. Spring moved into summer and Connor grew older and started going to nursery for a few mornings each week. So now I had whole mornings where I had to try not to think about the girl next door and how she'd looked as she fucked herself whilst watching me do the same.
But nothing happened. The blind at next door's kitchen was always closed now and so after a while, I stopped checking. That was that. We'd a moment and now it was over. I would just have to get back to normal.
But how could I be normal when every time I thought of it, I burned with wanting and frustration? James commented that I should go back to work soon, as staying at home clearly didn't suit me.
After a few months had gone by, I thought I was finally getting there. I'd stopped checking up on next doors' movements and had flung myself into play dates and meetings with other mums. It might have been okay, if James hadn't come in one evening and shouted up the stairs,
"We just got invited to a barbecue next door!" I almost fell down the stairs.
"What?"
"Yeah, that boy we see sometimes putting the bins out. He said they're having a barbie on Saturday and invited us round." James pulled off his shoes.
"Are...are all of them going to be there?" I asked, casually.
"I dunno. D'you want to go?" He wasn't looking at me, he was already checking his phone and starting to wander off to the kitchen.
"Sure. Why not?" I said. "It would be good to get to know the neighbours." James nodded absently and left me standing on the stairs with a knot of fear and excitement in my stomach.
It took me ages to get ready. I stood in front of the mirror in an agony of indecision, trying to decide if the dress was too over the top for a barbecue. I pulled at it disconsolately until James appeared in the doorway with Connor in his arms.
"Fuck's sake, it's only a barbecue! You look fine. Let's go, before all the sausages get eaten."
I trailed after him out of the house and up the path to next door. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel my entire body vibrate with its force. The front door opened and bins boy welcomed us and led us down a hallway strewn with shoes. We passed through the kitchen quickly, barely giving me time to register the sturdy kitchen table before he led us out into the back garden.
It was a blisteringly hot day and the sun was almost blinding. I shaded my eyes and squinted. Bins boy was introducing us to people. I smiled and mumbled my name as my eyes darted around the garden, searching.
Bins boy called out to a group standing near by.
"Lara!" She detached herself from the group and walked towards us, the sun infusing her pale skin with a honeyed glow. She was wearing the red polka dot dress. It fitted her perfectly, hugging her narrow waist and then flaring out over her hips. My eyes travelled up as she approached, noticing the way her breasts pushed at the fabric of the dress. Her eyes were hidden behind sixties' style sunglasses.
"This is Lara," said bins boy. James shifted Connor in his arms and held out a hand to her.
"Hi, I'm James," he said.
"Hi James," she said, taking his hand. She turned her head towards me.
"Kirsty," I mumbled, flicking my eyes up briefly to her face.
"Kirsty," she repeated and held her hand out. "Yes, I think I've seen you around."
I felt my face flame and I took her hand. It was cool and smooth and my own felt hot and sweaty. I dropped her hand and looked down at my feet, studying the grass that was growing between the slabs of their patio.
"And what do you do Lara?" asked James, smiling his most charming smile. I sensed her head move from me to him.
"I'm a writer."
"Oh really?" I could hear the scepticism in James' voice. "What do you write?"
"Oh you know. Articles, blog posts and the like. That pays the rent whilst I work on my novel."
"Oh you're writing a novel? What's it about?" Bins boy looked bored and wandered off, mumbling something about buns for burgers.
Lara tipped on her head on one side, as if she was evaluating James before answering his question.
"Well...it's about control."
"Oh right. The next Fifty Shades eh?" And he winked. God he could be a patronising twat sometimes.
Lara laughed. She had a surprisingly high pitched laugh, almost a giggle.
"Not quite. I would hope it takes a more...nuanced approach."
"Sounds interesting."
"Yes. It is." I risked a glance up and saw that she was smiling, her teeth showing white against her red lipstick. I couldn't tell if she was looking at me or James. I muttered something about needing a drink and ducked back into the kitchen.
The cool darkness inside was a relief after the bright heat. There was a bowl of punch on the side and I ladled myself some into a plastic cup. I sipped it and looked at the kitchen table. A shiver of pleasure passed through me as I remembered everything that had happened there.
Lara appeared suddenly in the doorway. I looked up from the table and a knowing smile passed across her face. She took off her sunglasses and her green eyes met mine.
"I was...getting some punch," I said, pointlessly. She came over and stood beside the punch bowl with me.
"Good idea," she said. She was standing so close to me that I could smell her --perfume mixed with the smell of outdoors and sunshine. She stirred the punch with the ladle and, despite my best efforts, my eyes were drawn to the dark line between her breasts. My mouth went dry.
"Kirsty," she said. I lifted my gaze from her breasts and blushed. Why was she forever catching me out? "Are you all right?"
"Yes, fine. I'm totally...totally fine."
"You're not embarrassed I hope?"
"No! God no, I mean why...why would I -- no, no not at all." I gulped down a large mouthful of punch.
"Good." With her index finger, Lara very gently traced a circle around my nipple, her nail catching slightly on the fabric of my top. She leaned in towards me as she did so, her breath warm against my face. Both my nipples hardened instantly and I almost crushed my plastic punch cup. "Good. Cos you should come for tea sometime." She smiled and tripped back out into the garden.
I stood by the punch bowl and closed my eyes, trying to fight down the aching that was spreading all over my body.
I didn't speak to Lara again that afternoon. We passed the time making awkward small talk with people ten years younger than us and then made our excuses.
I felt relieved to be back in the safety of our own house. I pulled off my shoes whilst James rocked Connor, who was too hot and getting grumpy.
"Oh I gave that girl your number by the way," he said, pulling faces at Connor. My head snapped up.
