Hey guys sorry this took so long I know a few of you have been waiting intently on this next part and I really appreciate all the feedback! I like when stories have a sort of history to them so that can really get into the characters better so that's why not much has happened yet and there's really not much in this one either, sorry, but the next one I promise there will be more. Writing this has been an emotional outlet for me so I had to get this all out before I could get to the good stuff. The next part should be done in a few days so look out for that and until then enjoy!
Oh and also if you haven't yet I would recommend reading the first two parts before this one, it makes it better =)
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Bethany awoke with a start.
In the years that had passed since Jamie transferred to another school, Bethany had come to understand two things about her life; one was that she was definitely a lesbian. The other was that the only girl she ever really loved was Jamie.
Sure she had been with other girls since then, even ones who were really REALLY good in bed, but the way she felt about them just never came close to how she had once felt about Jamie. There was not a single person she had met before or since her that seemed to be sexy no matter what she did. Whenever Bethany came back from class and saw her sitting on the couch or with her head buried in a book or sleeping in the most uncomfortable looking positions, she still would look like the most desirable object in the world. The way her eyes would brighten or darken depending on her mood never ceased to amaze her. The way she walked with her hips giving a cute little swing anytime she felt like she looked hot always made her knees weak. And the way she always smelled like a garden of citrus and spices seemed to linger even in her absence which eventually drove Bethany to have to scrub down her entire dorm room just to make living there bearable. Bethany flat out adored her. She would have done anything to be with her yet she had played a role in making sure that the one kiss they shared would be their only.
But here she was, 8 years later with more than just a confused teenager's knowledge, still thinking about the one that started it all. She looked over at her current girlfriend sleeping peacefully, her long brown hair strewn all across her pillow and obscuring part of her pretty face.
She should be happy with Rachel; after all she actually loves her and likes to remind her of how much she wants her. In fact just last week Rachel had jumped Bethany during one of her frequent trips to the copy room at work and took her right there. Bethany had been worried about someone coming in on them but Rachel had brought her to orgasm so fast with her skilled tongue that afterwards she wondered if she had just imagined it. When she got home though and Rachel asked if she had spent the day "working hard or hardly working" with a wink she knew it was real.
So why couldn't she get over Jamie? The one who had rejected her and was, as she last heard, still straight as a ruler? Why couldn't she let her go and get on with her life loving someone who actually loved her back?
She carefully rolled out of bed and tiptoed across the floor, checking to make sure Rachel was still asleep before she snuck out of the room. She went down to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. Slowly sipping, she once again found herself at the point in her relationship with a woman where she compared all aspects of her to Jamie. Usually it happened earlier on, especially since they occasionally saw each other when they hung out with Emma or Adam. But with Rachel she had felt something there that wasn't with the others. She felt like she could one day say "I love you" to her and not just be saying it to make her happy.
Bethany mumbled to herself about how frustrating the whole situation was as she downed the rest of her drink.
She got up to pour herself some more wine but jumped when she heard Rachel's voice.
"Hey baby, what's wrong?"
"Oh nothing," she lied, "I'm just stressed about all that's going on work with the new clients and all the paperwork it means I have to do."
Rachel looked at her love's face and studied it for a long while before declaring, "I'm not buying it."
"What?" Bethany responded, slightly confused but also relieved that her girlfriend could tell something was actually wrong here.
"That's not what's bothering you. Well I mean it might be part of it but you've had harder clients than this and you almost never drink, especially not at 2am. So I'll ask again. Hey baby, what's wrong?"
In that moment Bethany decided she had to get over Jamie. She had promised herself many times before that she would, but this time she had so much to lose. Rachel was perfect and she deserved all of Bethany's heart not just part of it. It took a moment for her to respond to her lover's question but when she did told her everything.
She explained how she fell in love with Jamie and how it had all ended and how she had never been able to love another because of this. She also went on to say that she didn't feel like it was fair to Rachel that she couldn't give her everything she deserved. The entire time she told her story she looked down into her wine glass, never once looking up until she was finished.
When she did she wasn't sure the reaction she was expecting but it wasn't the one that she got. Rachel wasn't looking at her with anger or hurt or even sadness in her eyes. She was looking at her with understanding and acceptance.
"I know how you feel." She told her lover, "I've been there; it's not easy to get over a first love, especially if you never really get closure. Mine was Stephanie. We had so much fun together, we were perfect for each other, but I wasn't out yet. I wasn't sure I could handle the lifestyle change it required to be with her. After a few months she...she left me for another girl. I was a wreck. It was then that I realized I couldn't go through that again, if I loved someone I would hold onto them no matter what it takes. And that's how I feel about you. So do you wanna know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think you should get your closure. Find her, ask what you need to, and once you have that then come back to me."
"Wait are you saying we should -- " she cut Bethany off with a "yes".
"I think that it would be best for us to spend a little time apart." She paused for a second but quickly continued as Bethany started to reject the idea. "I'm not saying we're taking a break. I would never want that. But I am saying that I love you. I want you to be happy, and right now...drinking wine so late at night...I know you aren't. I want you to fix that because I'm never truly happy unless you are. So for my own selfish reasons, we are not going to sleep together, or talk, until you have what you need." She added with a slightly sad smile.
"No, I'll figure this out but we don't have to be apart while I do." She protested.
"Baby there's nothing you can do about it, it takes two to tango and I'm sitting this dance out." She stuck her tongue out at her, clearly trying to lighten the mood but she could tell by the look on her girlfriend's face it wasn't working.
She grabbed Bethany's hand and looked her in the eyes, "Look, I still love you, more than ever now actually if you'll believe it...but you have to do this on your own. I'll still be here for you when you get back okay?" she squeezed her grip and Bethany returned it before leaning over and kissing her softly before pulling away and agreeing that tomorrow she would start looking for answers.
Rachel started back upstairs but Bethany said she would be up in a minute since she wanted to finish her drink. Rachel just stated back at her that "no sleeping together didn't just mean 'no sex' it also literally meant 'no sleeping together'" so she would have to make do with the couch for the night.
Bethany sighed at that and suddenly felt like she didn't really want to be up much longer. She dumped the remaining wine down the sink and then took her spot on the couch. Noticing how much lonelier it seemed without Rachel by her side. She fell asleep thinking about when Emma had said Jamie would be back from her honeymoon so she could get her closure.
****
That same night, Jamie found herself up and wandering around her apartment looking for something to do. Ty was sleeping in their bed after having been worn out by the flight home but she couldn't sleep. It wasn't unusual for her to be up so late, it was almost a nightly occurrence and Ty had learned to not really worry about it a long time ago. Usually she was up thinking about Bethany and reprimanding herself for continuing her immoral fantasies, but tonight she was mostly sad her honeymoon was over. Who wouldn't be? She wished she could go back to Bermuda and live there forever and never have to worry about seeing Bethany again.
She took out a bag of chips and started munching on them as she flipped through the pictures they had taken last week. After about 100 of them she figured she should stop since it was really only making her more upset. She ex-ed out of the album and started to check the news on her laptop. She didn't actually care about the celebrity drama or the stock market but every once and a while a story would catch her eye. Tonight though nothing was really catching her eye so she decided to call Emma.
The phone rang for a minute before rolling over to her answering machine. She didn't bother to leave a message, Emma would know she just couldn't sleep and it wasn't anything important but she'd probably call back tomorrow. She called Adam with the same result. Now even more bored than before, she flipped through all 351 channels on her TV and went through her movie collection but found nothing she wanted to watch. She looked through cupboards for anything she could bake but they had no brownie or cake mix. Sighing she looked over at the clock again.
