I had always hated effeminate men. I don't know why, precisely, since I had always laughed at the term "manly man", but for some reason, effeminate qualities in men never failed to put me off. I didn't precisely go for the boorish sort either - the beer guzzling, foul mouthed uncivilised brute types made me curl my lip in disgust. Too demanding, perhaps. In any case, I had always put it down to my overwhelming heterosexuality. Since I had first conceived of my own sexuality, I had had a distaste for lesbianism. I found the idea of being with another woman distasteful in the extreme. So much so, in fact, that even lesbian pornography revolted me somewhat. I fully supported homosexuality. I simply could not see myself partaking in it, ever.
And then I met Sophie.
I didn't like her. She was three years older than I was, and she'd been the older sister of a guy I'd been seeing. She was blonde, tall, quite beautiful. She had the poutiest set of lips I'd ever seen, and big, wide lovely green eyes. I suppose it was jealousy. She'd never given me any reason to hate her. It was irrational and childish of me. But from the start I'd been antagonistic, and I suppose eventually that had to have some sort of impact. I'd been challenging, almost abrasive ever since I had met her, only to have my snipes taken with pleasantness and humour, and of course that could not last forever.
She walked in on me one afternoon, remarking on a comment she'd made about an issue we'd discussed together to her brother. I'd been quite scathing, but not, I don't think, intentionally in order to insult her. The comment had not been for her ears, after all. But she'd heard it, nonetheless, and I saw the quick flash of anger in her eyes before she left the room, quite quickly. Perhaps that had been the proverbial straw on the camel's back.
We were alone in the house together later. I'd been invited to dinner, but her brother - my bf at the time - had left for a last minute training session his football coach had called. We had a good three hours before he'd be back. I was in his room, sitting on his bed reading when she pushed the door open and walked in.
I looked up from my book. "Hi."
"Hi," she said, somewhat coldly.
I wondered if I should go back to my reading or try to make conversation. I felt a niggle of guilt in the back of my mind and pushed it aside. I'd merely been stating my opinion, after all. It hadn't meant to be insulting. But the guilt wouldn't go away. "Did you hear the news about the new contraceptive device they're putting on the market?" I blurted in a rush.
What the devil?
I castigated myself.
Contraceptive devices? That's your idea of small talk? If I weren't you, I'd slap you.
"Yes. What about it?" Yes, cold. Definitely cold.
I was defensive. "I was just wondering what you thought about it."
She curled her lip. "Why? So you can insult my opinions behind my back again, cupcake?"
For some reason, I shivered.