I am fucked.
Utterly fucked.
I had another dream, well, more like a nightmare. She was in it again.
I try to bring my breathing back to normal. My mouth is dry. My hair is stuck to my forehead. I lie there and try to burn the images out of my mind, without much success. I get up from bed and head to the kitchen. The floor feels cold against my bare feet. There was no way I was going back to sleep soon. Not after that kind of dream. My shirt is also slightly damp from the sweat. Great.
Once in the kitchen I take a seat on the island table and take out my phone. I know it is stupid but I can't stop myself. It was like an addiction. Some would call it an obsession. I would rather not put labels on it. I click on the app and search her name: Emily. I look through her recent posts and click on her pictures. She is probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met.
Her dirty blonde hair comes down in waves all the way to the middle of her back. It is usually styled so that it frames her delicate, heart shaped face. Her eyebrows are the same blondish color of her tresses. Her hazel eyes, that sometimes turn green depending on what she wears, are captivating. Her button nose is covered with tiny freckles that are sometimes hidden by light foundation. Her full lips always have a way of beckoning one's attention. Her killer smile usually has even the most strong-willed, kneeling at her feet. As if that wasn't bad enough she is tall and has an amazing body. She doesn't work out and rarely eats healthy.
She was just born to look good. Her thin waist with perky breast and a tight butt is every girl's idea of the perfect body. She was probably a cheerleader in high school. I wouldn't be surprised. Her skin from head to toes is smooth and free of any type of marks or blemishes. Besides the light freckles, there are no imperfections. Even though I do not consider her freckles anything but a plus.
As I scroll through her albums I notice her most recent picture has her and another attractive blonde wearing a similar black lace dress. I don't even give the other blonde a second look. The dress hugs Emily's body like a second skin. It comes up to her to her upper thighs, which brings attention to her long legs. The heels she is wearing make her breast stand out and her butt look fuller (if that is even possible). I shut my phone off and groan.
I am really fucked.
******
Going into work the next morning is a drag. I barely got any sleep the night before and today was going to be complete torture. Emily is working.
I pull into the parking lot and gather my things. I see Kathy made it to work before I did, which did not surprise me. We both were the only ones who got into work earlier than necessary. I try and clear my head from any distractions but Kathy just likes to get more hours. Emily always showes up to work 20 minutes late. That gave me the perfect amount of time to get any thoughts of her out of my head.
It is a little chilly this morning, which is why I wore a light black sweater as well as black dress pants and a purple silky shirt. It was my first time wearing this shirt and if I being honest with myself I had avoided wearing it in the past because of my fear of sweating through it.
Anytime Emily was around I was bound to start making a fool out of myself. I am nowhere near as beautiful as Emily. Her beauty intimidates me. I always compare my body, face, anything to her and I am no match. I am about the same height as her but that is about as far as similarities go. My breasts are small and my hips are too wide. My auburn hair is usually up in a ponytail; I can't stand wasting any time to make it look nice. I tried going to the gym to tone up but couldn't get into it. Therefore, I was always mentally keeping track of what I ate and resisted any sweets.
I shake my head to stop myself from going down this dark hole again. I greet Kathy as I walk through the back door and head straight to my desk. I sit there for a couple of minutes waiting for the computer to turn on and load.
******
To set the record straight I do not like Emily. Quite frankly, I can barely stand her. She has had an easy life. Her beauty has given her all the privilege in the world. Her confidence radiates from a mile away. Her beauty also makes her a great salesperson. She's always the winner of any competition in our office and is always on top of her game. I tried to hate her but she is always nice to me. So I settled to just be annoyed with her.
That does not mean that she does not have her flaws. The biggest one of them being that she is super competitive. I normally do not care whether someone is competitive or not but Emily always wants to be the best and will do anything to be number one. And I mean anything.
While I was fine with coming to work and just getting paid, Emily always went above and beyond. She always had to be on top, her sales had to be the best, and her looks always stole the show. If she did not know something it only took her a couple of tries to perfect it. I mean she was the complete opposite of me not only in looks but also in skills.
I bet she was one of the mean girls in high school. Maybe she wasn't a bully but she probably hung with the popular crowd and did not waste her time with nobodies. Even now people at our job want to please her and have her approval. I bet her life has not really changed since high school, or college for that matter. Her beauty probably got her out of doing any real work and her charm made all the professors love her. One look from her had me sweating puddles.
I didn't even know what hit me when I first met Emily. I am able to admit when girls were pretty and when I first saw her; I knew she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I was mostly intimidated by both her beauty and personality on my first day. I thought she wouldn't even glance my way but by the end of the day she had taken me under her wing and had me hooked.
Her smile, her laugh, and her knowledge of the job made her hard to resist. By the second week on the job I was fully trained by her. Once she saw me doing well on my own she began to change.
Maybe saying she changed isn't the right wording. She just reverted back to what she did before she had to train me. She would avoid helping customers who she knew wouldn't buy anything other than what they came for, thus making them nuisances. She talked bad about some coworkers and even our boss. While she did this though she also looked out for me as the new employee.
She tried showing me some of her tricks and wouldn't let any of the other workers take advantage of my lack of sales techniques. So while she never did anything wrong to me, she had no problem doing bad things to other people. Her true colors began to show and I was finally able to see her as just another human being with flaws.
That is, until she showed me her boobs.
Up until that moment I thought Emily was gorgeous but I could overlook that any time she let her super-ambitious personality shine. We were sitting around waiting for customers to walk through the door. It was a slow day. She was sitting at her desk and I was walking around the store trying to stay awake. Paul, a guy who left the company weeks later, was in the back working on inventory. We all knew he was sleeping behind the boxes of paper towels.
Emily started talking about her recent trip to the beach with her boyfriend. I was so bored that I gave in and asked her questions about it. Small talk with Emily usually just involved her talking and you asking as many questions as you could till she finished the story to her liking. Eventually she mentioned how she got tanned but she wished she didn't have any tan lines.
I looked at her in question. She pulled the collar of her shirt to the side and I saw the thinnest line between her true ivory colored skin and the light caramel color her skin had become.
I got uncomfortable so I just laughed and began to shift away from her desk. This was my cue to put space between us.
"I really wish I could have sunbathed naked. Right now my boobs are so pale." She then pulled her shirt even further down and I saw her pink lacy bra. It had small designs but was pretty much see through.
My mouth dried up and I felt my jaw slightly drop. I wanted to look away but could not take my eyes of her breast. Her fingers carefully traced the line between the two shades of skin. The bra made her breast stand out begging for attention. I could feel her eyes assessing me but there was so much turmoil going on in my head. I knew I had to look away but I couldn't. My mouth started to water, I could feel the saliva gathering around my bottom lip.
It was the first time I ever wanted to touch a girl.
Then she quickly pulled her shirt up, covering her breast, and got up to help a customer who had just walked in. That was the first night of many where I tossed and turned with thoughts of Emily. It didn't help that I stalked her social media accounts and got more pictures of her with much less clothing on. So even though her personality would sometimes be abrasive, I found it hard to stop my thoughts when they turned to her physical appearance.
Although I had never been with a girl, I knew that I could certainly play for their team. I have had many boyfriends but have also discreetly checked out other girls while in between relationships. I was not ready to open that door but it was getting harder and harder to keep those thoughts at bay when I was literally working with temptation.
Not ready to date a girl and Emily's overly competitive attitude were the two things that stopped me from completely jumping her bones. That and the fact that she was a straight as a post. She always talked about her boyfriend and bragged about how great he was. I always encouraged her to talk about him so that I was constantly reminded that I was crazy to ever think of Emily as anything other than a coworker.
******
I managed to avoid her all morning. I sort of know her routine by now so I find ways to avoid having to be near her. This turns out to be impossible when we both head to the lunchroom at the same time. I almost turn the other way but do not want to call attention to myself. Emily rarely ever ate lunch in the store. I always brought lunch from home.
The break room is empty, as always, and I take my seat at an empty table. Emily sits right next to me. Of course today would be the day where I would have to endure a whole hour of conversation with her. I usually spent this time recovering from all the thoughts I have about her throughout the day. Today I try not to think about the way her hips swayed side to side as she walks in her heels.
She flashes me a bright smile and begins taking her lunch out of a paper bag. It takes all of my concentration to do the same. I can't help but watch her though. Today she is wearing a light blue blouse and light grey suit. Even though it is pretty conservative my mind tries to imagine what she is wearing underneath. I shake my head, perv.
I try not to openly gawk at her face but she's so lost on her phone that I give myself time to really look at her. Her lips have a light pink tint that makes them look soft and sweet. She has on light blush and light blue eye shadow. I know she needs no makeup but I have to admit it only added to her beauty. Her pores are none existent.
Sometimes my brain hurts from trying to figure out if I should just let myself fantasize about her or ban her from my thoughts completely.
She suddenly looks up and smiles again. Her hazel eyes, which are a lighter shade of green with brown specks today, hold mine and a little glint appear in them.
I look away, clearing my throat. I feel the blood rushing to my face.
Ever since she basically showed me her breast, she seemed to find ways to torture me. Whether she knew it or not, was still up in the air. My bet was that she did and she loved it. A small part of me hoped she didn't. It was like high school all over again. I knew better than to think the popular girl would truly want to be my friend.
When Emily wanted to be nice, she could be so down to earth and very likeable. Dangerously likeable. When she wanted to play dirty...boy could she play dirty. I shake the image of her breast out of my mind.
"Guess who I hung out with this past weekend?" Her voice is soft and soothing. There's always a huskiness about it that demands attention. I wonder if she does it on purpose.
