(This is chapter 11 of a series. It will make a lot more sense if you read them in order)
*
I walked back to my dorm room with Tracy. Ken stayed behind at the house. Tracy and I walked slowly, holding hands and not talking at all. I had stopped crying and now all I could feel was anger. Angry at Ken for not understanding the first time he saw me raped. Angry at all of the guys in the video. I had imagined what had happened while we were passed out on that bed but to see it in detail was a whole nother thing. I was having trouble connecting with it, the girl on the screen seemed like someone else. Angry at myself for acting like a wanton slut in front of everyone. Now everyone in that room saw it. Not that they hadn't seen me naked already, the party in the house took care of that. My emotions were flying around like crazy and I felt like I was in the middle of a hurricane. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was not angry at Tracy. I looked at her and squeezed her hand.
She knew me well enough to not say anything. She just held my hand as we walked back to our room. We didn't see anyone, it was pretty late and dark. I guess I should have been scared but for some reason I wasn't in the least. We got to our dorm and walked to our room without running into a soul. I was happy for that. I closed the door and Tracy sat on the bed and looked at me. I walked over and stood right in front of her.
"Baby, I am so sorry for what I did to you." I said to her.
"What do you mean?" She said.
"You did see the video, right?" I said.
"Kim, that was not your fault." She said.
"Um, yes, it was. If I hadn't turned into super-slut you would never have ended up there." I said.
"Um, no, I am a big girl and you didn't force me to do anything. I was enjoying myself as much as you. I could have stopped any time I wanted to. What happened in that room was the fault of the guys in the room." She said and grabbed my hands.
I took a breath. She was right. I knew that but the guilt was overwhelming. I didn't know what to feel. I was going from angry to embarrassed to frustrated to helpless to cheap and then back around to angry. I looked down at my friend and she smiled. She hugged me and pulled me to her, her head on my stomach and her arms around my ass. I put my hands on her head and hugged her back.
The love for my friend overwhelmed me. I pulled her head off my stomach and bent over and kissed her softly on the lips. I held my lips against her and slowly pulled away.
"Now that was your fault." She said and smiled.
I leaned over and kissed her again. She put her hand on my head and her tongue darted into my mouth. I wrapped my tongue around hers and kissed my wonderful friend hard and long. I felt my body heating up. I knelt down to get on the same level as her. She put both arms around me and pulled me in. I slid in between her legs. She pulled back and looked at me.
"Kim, we have been through a lot but one thing I am thankful for is this. Let me love you." She said and I nodded.
She grabbed my sweatshirt and pulled it over my head. She tossed it on the floor and grabbed my breasts gently. I felt my nipples harden immediately.
"Are they still sore?" She asked as she moved her hands over my boobs.