I was pleasantly surprised and a little ashamed as I walked into the library next morning. She was already there, bent over her backpack, enjoying a little nap before I came in. She looked very cute and I felt an overwhelming need to rub my fingers against her cheek. I was cursing my hand that was now moving on its own accord, but thankfully she jerked up and the spell was broken.
She smiled at me slowly as she stretched her arms.
"Good morning. I'm sorry. My alarm didn't go off."
"It's fine. You're doing me a favor anyway."
I shrugged and sat down next to her. The library at these hours was usually empty. None of the students would come in this early and the librarian unlocks and goes to have some breakfast and daily dose of gossip with the rest of the faculty.
"So, I want you to write down these trick formulas I have come up with, that will help you remember chemical names and atomic numbers. You will never forget them after that," I said.
She looked surprised. "You would share your secret formulas with me?"
"Sure... They are not secret. It's just tricks. I wouldn't mind giving them to anyone."
Something faltered in her brown eyes. "Thank you. I'm sure they will be helpful."
We went on to study for another half-an-hour before the bell rang.
"I am so glad you agreed to this. I have learned more from you than Mrs Kapoor. You just explain so well." She told me as we gathered our stuff.
"It was no problem." I said trying to hide my blush. "Shall I go to the class first and then you can come in a few minutes later?"
The look on her face went from confusion to realization to hurt in less than a second.
"You are embarrassed to be seen with me?"
"No... I thought you might get into trouble with Jock and you have a reputation to keep. I just assumed you'd not want to be associated with me."
"How generous!" She spat. "What I said is as true today as it was yesterday. You don't know me. So why would you assume anything like that?"
How have I not noticed how round her nose is before? It crinkles up when she's angry and turns red... bright red.
"I'm asking you something."
"I'm sorry... what? Oh yes... Sure. We can walk to class together if you're okay with it."
With that I started walking towards the door. I looked back and asked a Tamara standing with her mouth agape "You not coming now?"
She shook her head disbelievingly but walked toward me anyway. She started asking me something quite a few times on our way, but she didn't. I wanted to know what it was, but I didn't ask her either.
We took our customary seats miles apart from each other in class, but she was in my mind all the time. The way her eyes sparkled when she got an equation right and her distinct handwriting... is it possible to fall in love with someone's handwriting? And her smile. God, that smile, it made me want to smile.
The torturous classes that I usually enjoy made way to lunch, where I saw Jock about to knock off Mindy's lunch. I was just about to walk over give him the thrashing of his life when Tamara grabbed his face and started sucking it. I thought I would throw up, but then I noticed her winking at me. I didn't know if I was more proud or disgusted.
The rest of the day reminded me of smokescreen lives that great writers describe in length. I knew I was upset over something, I didn't know what. Well, I knew what, but I didn't know why. She was kissing her boyfriend; what's wrong in that? Nothing! She could fuck him for all I care. The sudden image of the two of them writhing in passion made me squirm and in that moment I hated Jock more than I ever thought was humanly possible to hate someone.
As the bell rang after the final period, I saw Tamara walking up to me and I tried to hurry up and leave before she could catch up. Who was I kidding? She was a cheerleader and in much better shape than I.
"Hey. So could we continue with the classes now?"
"Now?... No... I have to get to the soup kitchen in couple of hours."
"That's great. That's near my house. Why don't we go to my place, rest a little, study and then go?"
"What? No... That wouldn't work... "