Conversations with My Mother

Part 9.

No sooner had Amanda hung up the phone than she was escorted away. I looked at her disappearing down the now empty hospital corridor. Bruce McLaren came in closer to me and whispered in my ear, "If you are strong, she will be strong. I have to go with them but there will be two agents here with you at all times. Will you be OK?"

I nodded unconvincingly.

"Yeah, sure," There was no certainty in my voice.

He looked at me gave me a weak smile and trotted off in pursuit of the small gang of black-suited agents, who were half-carrying and half-ushering Amanda away from me at a very brisk walking pace.

I turned to my brothers and their families, trying my hardest not to cry. In one room my mother lay dying and as I turned my head back I saw the love of my life disappearing around a corner. My heart and soul were filled with so much uncertainty. The feelings inside of me weighed me down. Ken and Colin both came up to me and hugged me in turn.

"She'll be ok sis, you'll see," Colin said quietly, while Ken kissed my head.

I smiled and hugged them both. "I missed you guys," I told them.

The two agents approached us and explained, that their role was to look after me and they respectfully asked that I don't go anywhere without one or both of them.

A broad smile came on my face as I explained to them, "I draw the line at escorting me into the loos guys," They both smiled.

"Yes ma'am," one replied. "Can we suggest that until things have quietened down, we all keep an eye on your little ones, we don't want them wandering off and getting lost,"

It was the way they said it that turned the looks on the faces of their mothers to instant worry. Each of them looked around for their young ones. You could see them mentally counting them all. Then as they counted the correct number a slight relief settled upon them.

The agents suggested that until they hear differently about the situation, everyone should stay in the family lounge. I nodded seeing the logic in their thinking. But a part of me also wanted to be with my mum.

We all went back to the family section and made ourselves comfortable. My phone buzzed in my handbag. I went in search of it and found it easily enough, and saw a missed call from Ashley. I rang her back.

I put on my calm collected voice when she answered.

"Hi Bobbi, how is your mum hon?" Were the first words out of her mouth.

"She is still in a coma Ash, the doctors want to wake her up tomorrow sometime. We'll know more then,"

"Sending my love and hugs babe," She replied.

"Thank you sweetie," I answered and then asked. "Now about this deal you mentioned the other day,"

"Yes, it is a good offer, they are offering a small upfront deal with it loaded to percentages of box office and on sales to subscription networks. Based on how the other one went you could earn as little as 10 million, the top end has no limit," I stood there and shuddered at the numbers. The silence continued for some time.

"Are you still there Bobbi?" The voice asked me.

"Yes, I'm here. They are good numbers Ash. When will you get their final written offer?" I asked cautiously.

"It will be a short while yet, but I thought you'd like to know, asap," She told me.

"Thanks Ash I appreciate it. We will talk about it when my mind isn't full of other things," I told her.

"Of course, you take care and I will call you every couple of days all right?"

"Sure thing Ash. Take care babe," The smile on my face eased the tension in the room.

"Good news?" Ken asked.

I nodded before replying. "Yes, a good deal for some unwritten work," I looked around at each of them, and saw their smiles, it warmed my heart.

"I'm going to sit with Mum for a while, come and get me when we are going to dinner," I told them in my little sister's bossy tone. The one that got on their nerves when we were all very much younger.

I opened the door and stuck my head out, caught the eye of one of the agents, and explained that I was going to sit with my mum while everyone else was staying there until mealtime. He nodded in reply and they both walked with me down to my mother's room. One of them opened the door for me looked inside and told me, "We'll be right outside the door if you need us,"

I just smiled and then thanked him.

I pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down, taking my mother's hand in mine, I kissed it. She looked so serene lying there, even with all of the tubes and wires attached to her.

I lay my head on the bed and began to whisper to her.

"Mum, why did we let it get so bad? I never stopped loving you. But I can't stop being who I am," I hesitated and laughed to myself as I remembered the good things we did together.

"You will just love Amanda when you meet her, she is so smart and funny, and she loves me. Oh, how she loves me," I lifted her hand once more and kissed it. It was so warm, soft, and smooth.

I remembered the many times she told me and then showed me, after a bath or a shower how I should rub my body all over with a lotion, it is important to keep your skin smooth and young-looking. "Just a hint of sun," She used to tell me, "Don't get burnt," She always yelled at me when I told her I was going down to the beach.

I cried into her hand.

"Mumma, I love you so but you must understand, I love Amanda. We think alike, like you and I used to do. We finished each other sentences as you and Dad did. We laugh at each other's silly jokes and comfort each other when we are down. We make each other happy, why won't you see that?

I kept hold of her hand, "Why is our love so wrong in your eyes," I kept kissing it as I stroked her fingers.

I rested my head on the bed and then putting her hand on my head I closed my eyes, remembering the days we made bread, and how she sang songs to me. When she told me about boys and what they would try and do to me. "When you're a lot older if you're smart, and only if you're ready,"

The one time I couldn't find her and went to open the door to their bedroom, and I heard her giggling with my dad. I knocked and they yelled at me to go outside and play. They kept laughing at each other every time they saw me for the rest of the day.

I smiled to myself thinking back to when my dad was around.

Slowing I was slipping away into a deeper sleep.

Were these times just memories or dreams?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked around. My dad was standing behind me, smiling as he stroked my hair like he always did when I was a toddler. There was a shadow behind him, and then it was gone.

He was talking but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

Then I saw my mum and him, dancing together, smiling, laughing, as he picked her up in his arms and they twirled around and around. They were so much in love. I saw the black spot inside my dad and a dark shadow next to him. Another him.

Suddenly my mum was sitting with me, in our old kitchen such a long time ago. Both of us were covered in baking powder, a white shimmering mist, or was my Mum covered in a bright light? The tears in her eyes as she tried to explain that my dad was going soon.

She took my hand, tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry my baby. I couldn't stop it,"

That last day when I was holding his hand while he slept. In a room similar to this one, except the walls were grey, the lights were dimming, shadows lurking in the corners of the room. When the nurses came to see him, they put an arm around me and guided me away, and sat with me, until my mum came rushing in. tears rolling down her cheeks. Then my brothers came. We were all crying. Our dad was gone.

Suddenly........

I heard a lot of running feet down a long endless passageway, people screaming, they were calling my name, then a loud single bang, more screaming, sirens racing from everywhere. I tried to move but my mother's hand was holding onto me, not letting me go.

Her hand was on my head holding me down, tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry my baby. I couldn't stop it," it echoed, those words bounced around the room, "I'm sorry my baby," and then repeating over and over again until fading away and falling silent.

Then in a flash, there was Amanda, on her knees crying for me, her arms wide open begging me to come to her, and people still running and screaming, I tried to pull away from my mother, to go to her, but her grip was so strong. She was holding onto my very soul.

Then it was over. Calm, peaceful, a soft warm summer breeze, a quietness.

My father was standing in front of me, smiling, he was as I remembered him, long before his illness took him, he hugged me and said, "That everything will be all right, your mum will be all right, go to her but be yourself,"

I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me. My eyes opened, and the room was quiet except for the whirling of the machine and the rhythmic beeping telling everyone my mother was alive. My father was gone.

This time when I looked over my shoulder it was one of the agents, he looked down at me, smiled, and told me. "It's all over, we got him,"

"Is Amanda Okay," I asked instinctively.

"As far as we understand it she is fine. She will be here within the hour,"

I looked up at my sleeping mother, I was holding her hand. I wondered how long I had been with her. I swear she had a hint of a smile on her face. I kissed her hand once more and whispered to her that I would be back shortly.

My phone buzzed, as I was walking back to the family lounge. I answered it as I saw her name pop up, and then the sweetest sound on the planet said to me "I missed you," Amanda told me.

I burst into tears, crying, then laughing and trying to talk at the same time. "Are you ok babe?" I asked.

The tears were streaming down my cheeks, my nose running, and I was holding the phone on my shoulder with my chin, while looking for a tissue in my handbag. You can never find one when you need it most.

One of the agents opened the door for me and the family all looked up at me as I walked in. They couldn't tell if it was good news or bad.

Brenda came over with a handful of tissues, seeing my dilemma then moved one of the kiddies out of an armchair and helped me sit down as I continued to talk and listen to Amanda's exploits.

"Sweetheart, hang on a sec, I have to let everyone know," I put the phone down on the small table in the centre of the room, and took a deep breath, the smile on my face and the relieved look about my whole body told everyone everything before I even opened my mouth. I waited taking it all in, only then did I tell everyone.

"It's all over, they caught the guy," Everyone cheered and came over to me and hugged me, even the toddlers. "Mandy is on her way back to us as we speak," I then put the phone on speaker and everyone talked at once.

I couldn't hear Amanda over the noise. Once all the chatter had evaporated Amanda asked me to pick up.

I sensed not everything was as rosy as it had been made out. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"I just want to hear your voice," She told me.

She was speaking in a funny sort of way like she had something in her mouth. "Is everything really ok?" I pressed her for more information.

"Yes, yes, everything is fine. The media got hold of it because of the shooting. It would be good if you guys went home and say nothing to any media types,"

I held my breath and asked again, slowly, "Is everybody ok?"

"The wanker that tried to take on half a dozen secret service agents isn't doing too well. Bruce got knocked to the ground with me, so I have a split lip and a sore elbow to go with my bloody nose. This suit is ruined,"

I went quiet, listening to her speak. "What aren't you telling me Amanda? Are you hurt, hurt, as in shot?"

"No, no, no, nothing like that," She was all of a sudden in her FOA voice strong, and direct. A no-nonsense tone. "Bruce is hurt though, so I will be going to the hospital with him, until the Embassy can send someone over. I'll stay with him there,"

"How hurt is he?" I asked, worried that things were being kept from me.

"He threw me to the ground and laid on top of me, a bullet or a ricochet hit him in the side. As soon as the media find out he is with the Australian Embassy, they will start snooping. So best get the family home and out of any limelight,"

I signaled to Ken and Colin to come over. "Babe, I am going to relay this to the boys. Don't hang up,"

I quickly told them what had happened and to take their families home.

"Bobbi I have to go now, the agents are really pressuring me to go," she told me and suddenly the phone went dead.