The plane took off smoothly I looked out the window to see the Pacific Ocean underneath us, disappearing fast. We passed through some clouds and then into some bright blue sky. The last of the winter sun was behind us as we headed East, across the wide expanse towards the USA.
I got myself comfortable and started reading once again. Amanda was busy scanning through the day's news items. She just scanned them, she paid attention to anything that mentioned the Ukraine War, China, or the Australian government. Fortunately, most of the conversation around Australia was about the upcoming referendum on giving the First Nations people a voice. She skipped through it. Stopping only when she saw the Minister of Foreign Affairs mentioned.
I sat back and started to think about my mum. Why it all went wrong? What happened to the bond we had? I closed my eyes and I was asleep.
My dreams were from my childhood, skinning my knee when I fell off my bike. How mum washed it, telling me how she did the same thing at my age. Putting a crisscross band-aid on it, kissed my forehead and told me to get back on the bike. How my dad watched over me when the boys were playing football out the back. Or the time when they were playing cricket and Peter broke a window, then he gave me the bat and they all ran off leaving me to face the music. I never did tell on them.
So many wonderful memories.
Then at high school, Wendy Seymour kissed me and told me how beautiful I was. How she held my hand. I remember the very first time she asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I was so scared, yet so excited. We watched TV under the blankets in the lounge room, her mum and dad were there but we still play acted being scared and cuddled each other giggling. How she touched me and I shook.
Then in her bed that night she took my PJ pants down and I let her really touch me, she made me feel so good. She whispered to me and dared me to get naked with her. We did and hid under the blankets. I knew from then on that what we did felt right for me. How I hid it for all those years, pretending to like boys, to keep up 'appearances'. How I held my daddy's hand the day he died, oh how I cried, I wanted so much to tell him.
I woke up and Amanda was looking at me. "Nice dreams?" She asked smiling.
"Hhhmmm," is all I could manage.
"Good, but you missed your dinner," She told me.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Just gone nine,"
"Was it nice, my dinner I mean?"
"You would have enjoyed it." I was told. "I had to drink your wine however, that was way too good to pass up."
I laughed at her, "Fair enough,"
The Senior Stewardess came along, smiled at me and asked if I'd like to eat or if I would prefer to leave it for now.
"Could I leave it for now, please? But I'd love something cold and fresh to drink if that's OK,"
"Sure, what would you prefer? She asked. Her eyes did not leave mine.
"A sparkling water if you have it,"
"Certainly, I'll get it straight away for you," She told me.