Confession 22

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been four months since my last confession. I've tried to lead the life I should, but now Father...now I truly fear for my soul."

"There's a woman Father. A woman so bright and beautiful the very sun shies away from her. And I have such thoughts of her Father, such lustful thoughts. I know what the Bible says of these things Father...that it says a woman shouldn't love another woman. But I can't seem to get her out of my mind. And to be honest Father I don't know that I want to."

"I was at a dinner party some time last month. It was a work function that I didn't feel up to attending in the first place. She walked into the room and I simply stopped breathing. I didn't even notice until my lungs began to burn. And when I finally remembered to take a breath, the air I inhaled was filled with the scent of her perfume. She stood before me, extending her hand in greeting."

"I can't begin to tell you how beautiful she was Father. She had hair the color of midnight, and eyes as bright and blue as the noonday sky. I know that sounds so poetic and ridiculous, but it's the only way I can describe her. Her figure was full and lush...her skin, flawless. She was introduced to me as our host, and my boss's wife. My stomach did a slow, sickening roll as I plastered on my best smile and took her hand in mine. It was soft and smooth as satin, and the feel of it had my heart thudding in my chest."

"She continued making her way around the room, greeting her guests in a friendly manner. I mingled with my colleagues, but I kept watching her out of the corner of my eye. I observed the effortless grace with which she moved, the almost regal way she carried herself. She would have seemed aloof and unapproachable if not for the open warmth of her smile."

"I felt stifled and hot and desperately needed to catch my breath. I made my way outside onto the porch that wrapped around the front of the house. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I was utterly confused and dumbfounded. I wasn't attracted to women and never had been. So why was I behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush? I didn't understand Father. And the only other thought that kept repeating in my head was...I'm going to hell."

"I knew she was there. I smelled her before she ever spoke. I closed my eyes and sent up a silent prayer to God. 'There you are. We've been looking for you.' I turned and hoped that she'd miss the flush on my cheeks, but I knew she wouldn't. 'Is everything all right? You look a bit pink.' She walked over and laid her hand on my cheek. My skin sizzled under her fingers and I felt my breath catch in my throat. I don't know what came over me Father, but I covered her hand with mine. Then I turned my face into her palm and kissed it. She recoiled, as if she'd been bitten by a snake, and the look on her face was one of appalled shock. She backed away from me, so obviously afraid to turn away, worried that I might do something far worse. Then she disappeared through the door."

"I was astounded at my own boldness Father. I don't know what came over me. I'd even go so far as to say that it wasn't me that used my lips to kiss her hand, that something had taken possession of me and that I wasn't responsible for my actions. I wanted it to be true. I wanted so desperately for it to have been someone else she had cast that disgusted expression upon. But it wasn't. I felt the sudden urge to bolt, to flee the scene of my crime, and as I sprang toward the half open door I resolved to do just that. It was sheer cowardice I know. But I couldn't face her."

"I searched the house and found a pile of coats lying on a bed in one of the spare rooms. I was going hastily through the stack trying to find my own when I heard the door click quietly closed behind me. I whirled around to see the object of my distress standing in front of the door, her hand still on the knob behind her back, effectively blocking my only means of escape."

"I was petrified. I couldn't bring myself to look at her and kept my eyes cast down to the floor. Neither of us spoke, and we stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity. She just stared at me, waiting for what I assumed was an apology, and even though I could feel it resting heavily on the tip of my tongue my mouth simply wouldn't form the words."

"She crossed the room, coming toward me in complete silence. She was close enough for me to breathe in the scent of her once again, and my knees nearly gave way. I couldn't handle the complete desire and the sheer terror all at once, both warring for control and neither giving way."

"I finally lifted my gaze. My eyes fell upon her mouth, and I swallowed hard as images of parting those moist lips with my tongue clouded my brain. Then I looked up into her eyes. They were murky now, and I couldn't read what was behind them. The words that had eluded me before came tumbling from my mouth in an inaudible torrent. I was trying to apologize, to explain away my actions. She simply lifted her hand again, and placed her finger delicately on my lips. I immediately fell silent."

"Then she began to caress my bottom lip with the tip of her finger, her full attention now on my mouth. Her hands moved to my face, her fingertips tracing delicately across my cheeks and forehead. I couldn't take it Father. I was still fighting the urge to run, but my limbs wouldn't move. And though I felt lightheaded and dizzy, I couldn't take my eyes off of her."

"She brushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes and cupped my face in both her hands. I was insane with the idea of kissing her. I reached up and slipped my hand under the hair at the back of her neck, and as I brought her mouth to mine, I asked God to forgive me."

"I pressed my lips to hers and held them there for a moment...savoring the warmth that pulsed from her in waves. Her lips parted ever so slightly for me, and I began exploring the inside of her mouth with my tongue. Oh the taste of her Father...the taste of her was so deliciously sweet. I couldn't stop. I deepened the kiss as I brought my hands to her face. My fingers played delicately at the place where our lips met. And with the softest of whimpers, she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her."

"I had to have more Father. Much more. My hands moved away from her face and down the curves of her body. I slowly undid the buttons of her blouse and eased it down her shoulders until it lay in a puddle on the floor. I'd never felt anything as intoxicating as the feel of her skin under my fingers...that is until I felt her hands on my own. I touched and tasted every inch of her my hands and lips could find. And when her body tensed as I wrapped my lips around one of her taut nipples...my heart absolutely sighed."

"We eased each other down onto the pile of coats covering the bed. I inched her skirt up around her waist and caressed the silky smooth skin of her thighs. I was quivering with anticipation Father. The thought of touching her, of feeling her, of tasting her was driving me to the point of insanity. I kissed her again, a soft, wet kiss, as I slid her black silk thong aside. Gently, almost reverently Father, I touched her lower lips, just barely brushing her with the tips of my fingers. I was thrilled with the soft gasp she let out. I wanted her to make that sound for me over and over again."

"She was so wet Father. She practically dripped onto my fingers and I couldn't help but bring them to my lips to taste her. She watched, seemingly fascinated, and then in a rush she crushed her mouth to mine, mixing her juices on both our tongues. I had to taste more of her and I hurried down between her legs, brushing light, quick kisses on her breasts and stomach along the way."

"I kissed and nibbled on the inside of her thighs, coming to within a breath of her center and then backing away. I licked the outside of her, just barely allowing her to feel my tongue. I could feel the tension in her body growing, the muscles in her legs and stomach taut and strained. Her breath came in short, shallow gasps, as she attempted to avoid drawing attention from the other guests."

"She maneuvered herself so that she could reach between my own legs. She slid her finger inside, curled it around my arch, putting the slightest pressure on my spot. I stifled my moan by parting her pink petals and letting her juices pool on my tongue. I was drunk with the taste of her, and the feel of her fingers working inside me. She kept pulling her finger completely out of me, letting it drag across my sensitive parts, before reinserting it and repeating the motion over and over again. It was maddening."

"I could feel my climb beginning, the delight and tension of it building. I wanted to take her over the edge with me, and I licked and sucked up to the hard nub that I knew was the center of her pleasure. I took it between my teeth and teased it mercilessly with the tip of my tongue, as my hips began to roll into her hand, the end for both of us so imminent now. Then, finally, with an explosion that surely shook the very heavens, her body arched, the flood of her satisfaction washing over her. And I...I trembled with the release that she had given me."

"We lay there for a moment, holding each other, easing each other down from the heights we had climbed to together. Voices in the hall brought us crashing back to reality, and we quickly dressed and made our way downstairs. At the end of the evening, as I was leaving to return home, she came up and wrapped her arms around me again, holding me just a little too close for a little too long. 'It was so good meeting you. I do hope to see you again soon.' She punctuated the statement with a suggestive squeeze on my arm, and I smiled back in response, only my eyes revealing that the occasion couldn't come quickly enough."

"I know that I have sinned Father. But I can ask no penance today for I would not be truly repentant. I fully intend to sin again Father. And I know what that means for my soul. But for her Father...for her...I will gladly burn."