Jolene laid perfectly still on Dr. Fleming's couch. She hugged the pillow tight to her chest, her heart thumping in her chest. She braced herself for the harsh criticism that her therapist would likely give her, maybe even yelling. Her hands started to shake.
"Jolene?" Dr. Fleming's tone was calm. "Jolene, I want you to tell me about how you feel. Whatever is on your mind. This is a safe place."
"Are you mad at me?" Jolene asked in a timid voice.
"No, Jolene," Dr. Fleming replied.
"Not even a little?" asked Jolene in a smaller voice.
"Jolene? Do you...
want
me to be angry with you?" Dr. Fleming was baffled by her patient's behaviour.
"Maybe," Jolene squeaked.
"Jolene, you had a close call with Brent, but it's behind you." Dr. Fleming took off her glasses and sighed. "The event is immaterial at this time. It happened. What we need to do is get to the underlying problem. You idolize this man for all of the wrong reasons."
"I'm bad," moaned Jolene.
"Jolene, you need to confront these issues," Dr. Fleming said. "Your focus on Brent has been the driving force behind every one of your major decisions in your life. Your fitness goals, your moving out to Phoenix, your sexual proclivities—they've all been indicative of this obsession."
Jolene reached for her phone, then scrolled on it. She sat up and handed the phone to her therapist. "This is Brent."
Dr. Fleming took the phone and examined the picture. "Well, that's...wow." She handed the phone back to Jolene. "You can understand what I mean, however. This was a serious violation of Veronica's trust. How would you think you could ever make this up to her?"
"I took her to a strip club and let her get groped while she had sex with me," Jolene replied.
Dr. Fleming dropped her note pad.
On Saturday, Jolene went to check up on Carol, the bodybuilder friend of hers from the gym. Carol had not been around for several weeks, and Jolene was worried about her. Carol was a part-time clinic aide, but they were not able to talk to Jolene about why she was absent when she called in. She also did personal training at the gym, but had been gone from there as well.
Jolene showed up at Carol's basement apartment and knocked. The door opened, and there was Carol. Jolene had trouble recognizing her at first. Her face was looking thinner, and Jolene realized her muscles had shrunken down as well.
"Carol!" Jolene looked her friend over. "You look as if you've lost thirty pounds."
"Thirty-eight," replied Carol. She gave Jolene a big hug, and Jolene noticed how weak she felt. "Come in."
The two of them went in, and Carol had Jolene sit at her kitchen table. Carol got a glass of water for herself and a cup of coffee for Jolene. Carol had two large pills she had to take.
"It's glomerulosclerosis," said Carol. "I have severe kidney scarring. They don't know the full extent yet, but they said..." She began to tear up. "They don't know how bad it is. I did it to myself."
Jolene got Carol a tissue. "Was it the steroids?"
Carol dabbed at her eyes and nodded. "I did this to myself. I have to stop the treatments." Jolene noticed that Carol's voice seemed different as well. "I don't know if I'm going to live now. The doctor said if I stopped training and using, I could recover." She took Jolene's hand. "I should have listened to you, Jo. I'm so sorry."
Jolene gave Carol's hand a pat and smiled. "I just want to be there for you."
Carol sniffed. "I'm in love with you, Jo."
Jolene sighed. "Oh, Carol."
"I mean it," Carol went on. "I know you're married. I like Ron a lot. I just...you're the perfect woman, and I loved you for years. I just wanted you to notice me so badly."
Jolene leaned over and gave Carol a hug as she broke down.
Jolene went home that night. Ronnie's final appointment of the day cancelled last minute, and she had gotten home in time to get dinner started. They had dinner as Jolene told Ronnie about what was happening to Carol. Ronnie had little to say, as she was naturally more in control when it came to matters of death. She also did not know Carol nearly as well as Jolene. The two of them went to the gym that night and talked more about the health concerns of Carol.
Casey, one of the gym attendants, stopped to say hi to Jolene. "Did you hear? We might be shutting down soon."
Jolene stopped her lifts and dropped her barbell. "What? This place has been open forever!"
"I mean, the gym itself is fine, but look at the juice bar—almost no one uses it. We have a ton of empty space we're not using well, and our overall attendance went way down since last year." Casey looked around and sighed. "It's too bad—I love the flexibility of the hours, and it was nice to get a free gym membership. I think they're going to make this into a call centre."
Jolene said thanks and went back to her routine. She was outraged that her special spot was going to be made into some ridiculous spot for harassing seniors. She decided she wanted to do something about it.
Ronnie and Jolene got home and got stripped off. "Casey is right about the gym, though," Jolene mentioned as she got into her silk pyjamas. Ronnie was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.
"We can find another place to work out," Ronnie called, then gargled.
"There's not another decent place for miles around," Jolene replied. She got her moisturizer and rubbed her arms and upper chest. "Oh, but this seems like such a small matter, what with poor Carol and all she's going through."
Ronnie came out in her nightshirt with the black kitten on it. "Relax. Soon as the testosterone gets out of her system, she can turn back into her usual self."
"Oh, I'm just glad I didn't go down that route," Jolene said. "It's a lot of pressure. I remember seeing people doing weird things like stocking up their own blood."
"Ew!" Ronnie climbed on the bed on all fours. "What for?"
"It's supposed to improve endurance and give them a more pumped-up look," Jolene told her. "They cold store it, then inject it back into themselves."
Ronnie snorted. "Sounds gross." She reached over and grabbed Jolene's ass, which made her jump.
"Ronnie, you behave!" Jolene slammed her moisturizer down on the nightstand, then turned around and put her hands on her hips. "You are an impudent little trollope."
"Well, you know what to do, then," Ronnie giggled. She got up on her knees and held out her arms. "Come be my little cuddle muffin."
