Coming to Grips

It has taken me a long time to get to the next steps for Suzanne and this is just the second of four chapters. The good news is that the remaining two are in the final editing process. I expect that they will come out over the next couple of weeks. As always, I have to thank my editors, Terry and Snow. Both of them have been invaluable. They helped with working through ideas, making sure that the story was clear, avoiding bloating, and finally in finding all my many errors. Thank you both! I love both of you!

*****

There were a lot more emails waiting for Suzanne in the morning than normal. She glanced at them and sighed when she realized that too many of them couldn't be ignored. Usually at least half were just people copying her on things, most of which did not matter to her. Not today. She was probably the primary person on many of them and often the only one with the answers.

When Suzanne disposed of the last email, she let out a deep breath in relief. With a few more that came in during the morning, it was almost 11:30. "Finally, I can get to what I planned to do," she thought to herself. Just then, she heard someone clearing their throat at the door. Suzanne could not help the scowl of irritation that was on her face when she looked up.

"Damn," Suzanne thought as she recognized Colby. The warm smile on Colby's lips faded away, replaced by uncertainty in her blue eyes. Consciously or not, Colby took a small step back away from the door.

"Is now not a good time? I know that we said lunch today, but we can always reschedule," Colby said. She gave Suzanne the impression that she was ready to flee.

Suzanne paused for a moment to take a deep breath before speaking. "I'm sorry, Colby, of course not. I've just had a rough morning. Putting out fires wasn't how I planned on spending it." Suzanne hoped that her smile came across as genuine as it really was.

"Ah," Colby replied. She brushed back one of the curls that had fallen onto one side of her face. "Still, it's no problem if you need to get something done."

"No," Suzanne said, cutting her off. "It's a good time for a break. Eating a little something will probably help my mood."

Nodding, Colby's smile slowly came back, but Suzanne noticed it was not quite as enthusiastic as before. "Damn," Suzanne thought once again to herself. Her tendency to be a little too intense was something she was aware of and trying to moderate. It was a work in progress.

Feeling like Colby was still unsure, Suzanne stood up and grabbed her purse. The little bit of time helped her to let go of some of the frustrations from the morning. Even though she felt awkward about doing it, she reached out and touched Colby's arm. "Really, going out for lunch is a great idea. So is getting to know you," she said as gently as she could.

"Okay," was all Colby said, but now her complete smile was back. Even though Suzanne had touched Colby on her sleeve, just above where it ended, she still felt a little shock run through her body. The warmth of Colby's skin came through the thin fabric and lingered after she moved her hand. Since Suzanne was so much taller, she had to look down at Colby. Anything Colby wore would show off her breasts. It was just a reality. Although the pale pink lightweight sweater she was wearing was not flashy, it still accentuated her cleavage, especially from Suzanne's angle.

Feeling a little uncomfortable but trapped by Colby lingering in the doorway, Suzanne had to speak up. "Shall we?" she asked.

"Oh sure. Sorry about that," Colby said and laughed. While her voice had a sexy undertone, her laugh was a throaty rumble that oozed sensuality. It seemed very natural for her and Suzanne loved it. After looking up and down the hallway, Colby glanced at Suzanne. "Out the front? Out the back? I'm still figuring things out."

"It's easier to go down the backstairs from my office," Suzanne told her. She pointed and Colby started moving. It was an older building and quite cramped. Although two could walk abreast, it was hard to do without bumping into each other. It was simpler for Suzanne to follow Colby.

Just like yesterday, Suzanne struggled to avoid leering at Colby. Her calf length skirt exposed the black boots she was wearing. The three-inch heels not only added a little more height but they gave her ass a wonderful sway as she walked. "Thank goodness it's a short walk to the stairs," Suzanne thought.

Despite all her efforts over the last eight years, Suzanne still couldn't avoid her natural response. An attractive woman always caught her eye. She never acted upon it and was even better at hiding her interest than in high school. Still, she couldn't remember the last time she had such a strong reaction to someone. It made it much harder to cover up.

When they got to the back door, Colby held it open for Suzanne and they switched positions with Suzanne leading the way. Even being on the lower steps, Suzanne was still conscious of her height. She wondered if she looked as uncoordinated as she felt. It was a relief when they went out the door at the bottom and they could walk side by side. Suzanne found it easier to avoid distraction.

Looking around, Suzanne paused and glanced at Colby. "What would you like to eat? There is pretty much anything within walking distance," she asked.

"Whatever you would like," Colby instantly replied.

Suzanne smiled at her. "I like anything, Colby. You're my guest. I'm going to be happy with whatever you pick," she said. When Colby sucked in her lower lip, Suzanne added, "Really, you pick." At the same time, she couldn't help notice how cute Colby looked at that moment. One curly lock had fallen again to hang partially over her eye. As she released her full lip, it came out glistening.

"Well, I like pho. Is there a good place for that around here?" Colby asked.

That put a big smile on Suzanne's face. "I love pho, and there is a great hole in the wall place about two blocks from here." She pointed down the sidewalk. "This way." As they started to walk, Suzanne quickly realized that she needed to walk a little slower. Her long legs would cover the distance much quicker, even if Colby didn't have high heels on. Colby almost had to take a skipping step in between Suzanne's just to keep up. When she slowed down, Colby gave Suzanne a grateful look.

"Sorry. I forget sometimes," Suzanne said as she blushed a little.

"I'm used to it! I'm shorter than most people so it happens all the time," Colby said with a sunny smile.

As she walked, Suzanne was glad that she had picked these clothes. While she usually dressed okay, she did not often dress in a way that accentuated her best assets. Even though she completely forgot about lunch, she wore a pair of her tightest jeans for some reason. They clung to her long, shapely legs like a second skin. Although her shoes barely had any heels, her legs still looked great. While she would rather have had a little more curve to her butt, she knew that some people really liked it. The dark blue denim did the best job possible in shaping it. Not that it was particularly visible with her light grey chiffon tank covering the top half of her ass. With a light white jacket on over her tank, she actually felt stylish for once.

The walk was short and they didn't talk much. It seemed awkward to walk and talk when neither of them knew much about the other. Beyond that, Suzanne felt a little tongue-tied. Being alongside Colby did not stop Suzanne from feeling the pull of her good looks.

It didn't get easier once they were sitting down. There was no way for Suzanne to avoid looking Colby in the face. Today Colby had her hair pulled back with a few dark curly locks free to frame her face. Her brilliant blue eyes were even more striking from the way she had put on her eyeliner and shadow. Combined with her mascara, her eyes had a smoky quality. It was not over the top and certainly not too much for work. Suzanne thought to herself that Colby really knew how to make herself look wonderful. Even the subdued shade of pink lipstick made her full lips look fantastic without giving the wrong impression. They almost looked like her natural color. Inwardly, Suzanne sighed. "This was going to be hard," she thought. Not just lunch, but Suzanne already knew that working together would be difficult.

Slowly their conversation grew. When Colby ordered the tofu and vegetable pho, she laughed at the funny look Suzanne gave her. Suzanne's soup was coming with three different kinds of meat.

"I'm not really a vegetarian, but I tend towards those options," Colby told Suzanne. "I can see that isn't you." Colby laughed again. Suzanne couldn't help smiling and feeling a little more comfortable.

"I'm okay with vegetarian options, but yeah I probably will pick the meat options when available," Suzanne said.

Reaching up, Colby pushed back that one stray lock that persistently wanted to be in her face. "I guess it comes down to what we're used to. My mom was a little bit of a hippy, so we were always doing things with tofu and tempeh. Of course, growing up in Marin County, that was pretty normal. What about you?"

Suzanne blinked. The question felt like being hit with a bucket of cold water. Her feelings at that moment were just the sort that she had promised her father to avoid. At the same time, she almost yelled at herself. "They're just thoughts! I'm not acting on them!"

Something about her thoughts must have come through on her face. "I'm sorry. Is family a sore subject?" Colby asked in a gentle tone. Somehow, it made her sound even sexier to Suzanne.

Shaking her head, Suzanne smiled at Colby. "No, it's not. You just triggered a thought." She didn't offer any more explanation. "But you're right. It was pretty much meat and potatoes at home. I eat a lot different now, but it still doesn't quite feel like a meal if there isn't meat in it."

Laughing, Colby nodded. "I get that. We're a little different that way." Even as she continued talking, Colby couldn't help feeling like there was something more to Suzanne's reaction. Suzanne was unaware of just how much pain had briefly flashed over her face. "Not my place to pry," Colby thought. "Anyway, I barely know her, so it's not like I'm the one she should open up to."

Without realizing they were doing it, both of them steered the conversation towards work. It was the safe area. They had barely scratched the surface when the waiter brought their bowls. Suzanne put a little hoisin sauce in hers and then ripped up the basil leaves before adding them. She smiled as she lifted her fingers to her nose and smelled the fresh scent. After squeezing the lime, she added a dollop of sriracha. When she looked over at Colby's bowl, her jaw dropped. The color was distinctly different. Rather than a tan, it was a vivid orange. Colby was in the process of adding Suzanne's share of the peppers to her bowl.

Colby looked up and saw Suzanne. She got an embarrassed smile on her face. "It didn't look like you wanted them. I can get some out if you do. I haven't touched them yet."

"Ummm. No thanks. I'm not that much into heat. A little is enough for me. Oh my God, I can't believe how much sriracha you must have used," Suzanne said. Colby couldn't tell if she was appalled or impressed.

"I'm a spicy girl," Colby said. Her embarrassment was fading and then replaced with an almost flirty attitude. Now it was Suzanne's turn to feel a little flustered. She covered it up by taking a bite of her noodles. It passed unnoticed by Colby.

Neither one of them took long to finish eating. The small restaurant was filling up, and it was clear that the waiter hoped that they would free up their table as soon as possible.

"We've still got about 30 minutes. We could go back to the office," Suzanne said. That was her habit when she went out to eat: get lunch done and get back to work. "Or there is a park a block up. We could go get some sun and talk a little more," she offered. The whole point of the lunch was to get to know Colby better. The corner of her lips curled up. Her boss, Jim, probably would be pleased that she had thought of it. He was constantly trying to help her moderate her driven nature.

"That would be nice. I know there are things to do, but I'm having fun," Colby said. Thinking they would split the bill, she started to reach for the check.

"No way. This is my treat. Welcome to the family, Colby," Suzanne said with a smile as she snatched it up before Colby.

Even though it was very close to the office, Suzanne rarely visited the park. There was always something to work on back in the office. As she sat down on a bench next to Colby, she reflected upon how nice it was. "I should come here more often after lunch, at least when the weather is good. It's so nice, you know, with the combination of trees and open sun," Suzanne commented.

"Totally," Colby replied. "I already love it." She looked over at Suzanne. In the brighter light, she noticed things she hadn't seen before. Her brow looked like it was often furrowed. Even when Suzanne smiled, something struck Colby as sad. It was as if her smile never completely filled her face. Something was always lurking behind it. Once again, she told herself, "It isn't really my business." At the same time, she could feel herself warming to Suzanne. "Maybe when we are really friends," was her follow on thought.

They talked for a little while about Jim, and what he was like. Suzanne warned Colby that her biggest challenge would probably be to get him to let go of things. "He just likes doing them, but that's why you're here. We really need his help on the other things, the bigger things."

Colby nodded. "I can see that. Thanks for the warning." They were running out of time and would have to start heading back in a few minutes. Colby felt a little bit of nervousness. She had something she wanted to mention to Suzanne. It probably wouldn't be a problem but experience had dealt her a few surprises.

Sensing that Suzanne was starting to get restless, Colby took a deep breath. "Suzanne, I wanted to tell you something. I've talked with Jim and he suggested that I mention it, just to avoid awkward surprises." She could tell that she had Suzanne's full attention now. "Jim doesn't think it's a problem but I wanted to let you know that I'm a lesbian," Colby finished. Although she didn't mean to, she couldn't help the little tone of defiance in her voice.

For a moment, Suzanne couldn't speak. To say she was surprised was an understatement. She had gotten good at picking up the signals, not the least reason being to avoid situations that would lead to temptation. She hadn't gotten any vibes off Colby. At the same time, her heart jumped and started to race. She couldn't tell if it was from elation or fear. Nor did she try to dissect it. Even if it was not fear, the idea of examining what she felt scared her.

When she did speak, it was a completely different thought. "Why did Jim think you needed to tell me in particular? Have I done something that would lead him to think this would be a problem for me?" Suzanne asked. She couldn't think what it would be. There were other gays and lesbians in the company and she couldn't recall any problems. Had she betrayed herself somehow?

"Oh no, that isn't what I meant. Jim didn't say you, just that it was fine to tell people," Colby corrected herself. She reached out and touched Suzanne's hand. "He only mentioned you because you seem really okay with it."

"Thank goodness," Suzanne said with relief. "The last thing I would want to do is for people to think that I'm homophobic or something." As she spoke, Suzanne forced herself not to jerk her hand away. Given the context of what they were talking about, Colby could only interpret that as there really being a problem. In fact, there was, but it was exactly the opposite of what she would think.

"Don't worry. Jim told me that he was proud that you were one of the people who made the company a gay-friendly place to work," Colby told her as she took her hand back away from Suzanne's. "I'm out and just didn't want you to feel like I was keeping it secret from you. I don't bash people over the head with it, but I don't shy away from it either."

"I'll admit I was a little surprised. I wouldn't have guessed," Suzanne said. As soon as she said it, Suzanne immediately thought that must sound bad. "I don't mean anything by that. I just pick up on this better than most." That still didn't seem enough to make it right. "I had a really good friend in high school who was a lesbian. I guess that's why." Although she kept looking at Colby, her thoughts were now elsewhere. When she spoke again, more of Suzanne's emotions came out than she intended. "So I've got some experience, with that type of prejudice. Life is hard enough without people making it worse for something that isn't your choice."

Once again, Colby got the sense that there was something under the surface with Suzanne. Feeling very hesitant, she reached out again and touched Suzanne's arm. This time it was on the skin. Suzanne's eyes focused and darted over to look at Colby. She couldn't restrain the slight jump the touch caused. "If you ever need someone to talk to," Colby started to say. It wasn't coming out quite right so she tried again. "Maybe you'll get comfortable enough with me to learn that I'm a pretty good listener." She gave Suzanne's arm a little squeeze and then let go.

"Thanks," Suzanne said. She knew that she was close to crying and quickly stood up to hide it. "We should probably head back." She turned and started to walk towards the office. As Colby stood and took a couple of quick steps to catch up, it gave Suzanne the time she needed to compose herself.

The walk back was even quieter than the one to the restaurant. Wherever Suzanne was, it clearly wasn't there. When they got to the back door, Colby stepped in front of Suzanne before she could use the keypad to unlock the door. "I'm sorry Suzanne. I didn't mean to stir up bad memories," Colby said as she looked up into the taller woman's face.

The distant look on Suzanne's face slowly disappeared. She smiled a little. Although she intended it to be reassuring, Colby thought it was almost tragic. At least, Suzanne was back. "You didn't, Colby," Suzanne said. She paused. "They are never far away," she said so softly that Colby almost couldn't hear her. There was another pause and Suzanne smiled again. "Don't worry. I'm okay. I need to be better at keeping things to myself."

Colby didn't move away from blocking the door. "Suzanne, I just met you so maybe I'm reading things wrong, but I bet that you've said more to me than you've ever said to anyone. Since I have just met you, that worries me. Like I said before, if you ever need to talk, I'll listen. I don't like seeing someone who is clearly in pain."

Something of that pain peaked out again in Suzanne's eyes. She swallowed. "Maybe someday," she said. "Please don't say anything to Jim. I worked hard to keep my issues from getting in the way of work."

There was a lump in Colby's throat. She nodded. "Anything you tell me will always stay between us, Suzanne. I promise you that." As much as it was unlike Suzanne to have revealed even this much to anyone, Colby couldn't explain why it was having such an effect on her. "This isn't like me," she thought. Yet she couldn't deny it either. She stepped out of the way and let Suzanne open the door. Going up first, Colby thought to herself how quickly things could change. Melancholy feelings replaced the good ones from lunch.

When they got back to Suzanne's office, Colby watched her as she sat back down. It seemed like Suzanne didn't want to look at her. When she did, there was a haunted look on her face. It was obvious that Suzanne was not sure what to say.