Coming Home From Lost

huge thanks to Redgarters and THBGato for all the help and advice with this one.

to the extent that this is any good, it's because of them.

COMING HOME FROM LOST

THE COTTAGE

Fiona was wrapped in a blanket in the comfy chair by the fire, nominally reading

The Wild Duck

, but actually was staring out the window into the storm; watching the rain pound the glass and the wind whip up the lake. But she wasn't seeing that either. A sudden flash of lightning and instant crash of thunder startled her out of her reverie with a small yelp. The pounding at the door was more insistent, but that didn't make sense, thunder doesn't sound like that. So then what is that?

"Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before," she muttered to herself. She stood and stretched, there wasn't going to be anyone visiting at this time of night, this far out of town, in this storm; but whatever:

open wide she flung the door

.

Dawn..........standing there..................soaked and bedraggled......... shivering.....

"Oh, you" Fiona looked at her with, what? Shock; confusion; fear; surprise? Yes, definitely surprise. "Um, get out of the rain!" She grabbed Dawn and dragged her through the door.

The two women looked at each other for a lifetime until Fiona broke the silence. "Why are you here?"

"I, ah, I um, it's ahh............... I love you." Instantly Dawn dropped her eyes and seemed to shrink into the growing puddle of water at her feet.

"What the fuck! WHAT THE FUCK DAWN? FUCK YOU, you can't do this!" Fiona ran into the kitchen and started slamming cupboards open and closed, cursing and crying. "Fuck, fuck!"

Tentatively Dawn followed her, "what are you looking for?"

"Vodka, whiskey, alcohol, I don't have enough alcohol for this conversation," she continued slamming drawers and kicking the kick board. There wasn't any, Fiona knew there wasn't any, she had thrown it all out and very deliberately avoided having it in the cottage, after....... that, after all that.

"OK, coffee then. You're freezing, you need something hot," Fiona tried, as emotionlessly as she could manage. Fiona started the coffee and then turned into that small useless space by the fridge and buried her face in her hands while the coffee maker gurgled.

Dawn stood, in the kitchen, as far away as still possible in the small space. Her guts were twisted, and the only way she had the will to keep standing was from a month of steeling herself for this; or was it years? In another life she would have run to Fiona and held her while She cried into her hair. In another life. In that life Fiona's hair was brighter red, now it was a more subdued orangish. In that life Fiona would have been wearing those cute pajamas and not these horrid sweats. In that life Fiona would have been cheerful and witty, not crying. That life was gone.

Fiona struggled frantically to get a grip on her metabolism, the blood was pounding in her head and her vision was blurred. She could feel Dawn behind her, standing in the entry to the kitchen. Fiona's heart had stopped when Dawn had asked "what are you looking for?" just like she always did, just as if she'd put something away in the wrong place again, and Fiona couldn't find it. Just like in that other life. Just like they were making dinner together and Dawn had put the pasta sauce in the fridge instead of the pantry. It was all so normal; it didn't seem strange at all that she would be standing there again after six fucking years and eight goddamn months. Of course she would be there, where else would she be? But it was so strange, so so strange, that the empty space was no longer empty.

"Here's your coffee." Fiona pushed past her and returned to the comfy chair. She wrapped herself up in the blanket again. It was still that same blanket; their blanket.

Dawn sat on the floor in the dark corner on the other side of the fireplace. There were no other chairs in this room; the comfy chair was big enough for two people if they liked each other enough. But now this room was too small for them. The fire was warm; Dawn could feel her skin practically burning, but the fire wasn't hot enough to melt all the ice in the room.

Fiona looked into the shadows where Dawn was sitting, in the farthest corner away from her, like she was afraid of her. Afraid of her: the person she should never be afraid of, the person who had told Dawn so many times they didn't need to be afraid of anything as long as they were together. She didn't sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back into the comfy chair so Fiona could tangle her fingers in that long, flowing, sensual, raven black hair. She wasn't playing her mandolin, humming softly while Fiona pretended to read. She was sitting placidly in the corner waiting, waiting for Fiona to make the decision that would change everything again. Dawn sat in the dark corner strongly, so composed, steadily watching her... placidly waiting. Her dark hair, and dark skin, and dark eyes melded into the shadows around her, giving a look of immortality to the tall woman.

The room was so cold, Fiona pulled the blanket tighter. She wanted Dawn to join her in the comfy chair; she wanted to scream her lungs out at Dawn; she wanted to snuggle into Dawn's hair and cry herself to sleep; she wanted to tear Dawn's hair out; she wanted to run out into the freezing rain and freeze; she wanted Dawn to hold her tight and keep her from the cold......

"What happens now, Dawn? What now?"

"I'll go now, sorry. Thanks for letting me warm up, thanks for the coffee. I just had to say that, I needed you to know. I'm sorry, I'll leave." Her voice was fluid and sensuous as she stood up in one easy motion.

"Don't be stupid, you can't go out into that again. Sit down!"

Dawn sat.

Fiona's green eyes burned into her for what felt like forever, squeezing her soul like only She could do. If Dawn could have pulled deeper into the shadows she would have. Then finally...

"OK, I can't deal with this tonight. We will talk tomorrow. You will stay here. It's late, it's cold, you need to go to bed. You know where your stuff is. It's cold, you should turn the electric blanket on."

"But there's only one bed here... and you..."

"I'm sleeping out here." Fiona got up and pulled an old sleeping bag from a closet and threw it down on the rug in front of the fireplace. "Go to bed. I just can't look at you right now."

Dawn staggered to her feet and stumbled toward their, I mean Her, bedroom; her earlier composure shattered, now failing miserably to hold back the tears. How many times had they slept together in front of that fire, back in that life? "But you shouldn't have to, this is your house.... " And not calling it 'our cottage' tore Dawn's heart to pieces.

"Shut up. Just go to bed, Dawn. Just shut up, I can't deal with you tonight. Go to bed, just shut up."

Fiona tried to sleep, couldn't sleep with Dawn mere steps away. But Dawn didn't come that night and spoon up behind her by the fire, and slide her hand up to hold Fiona's boob the way that she loved. What would she have done if Dawn had snuggled up behind her, and tossed that flowing cascade of hair across her shoulders, and..... Fiona knew exactly what she would have done.

---

Dawn woke up a little after six and She was gone. After going pee she looked at her phone and saw a message from an unknown number:

call when you're ready

. Dawn saved the number as a new contact:

Her

. Well at least now she had Her number again, so the trip was worth that much, anyway.

But now what to do? What, really, was supposed to come out of this? It was a stupid, half baked idea. Dawn cursed herself for a fool, she'd never had a real plan. Every time she'd tried to anticipate what would happen when she met Her again, a numbness took over her brain. There was no plan, just the compulsion to see Her again and say those words. There hadn't been any realistic idea of what would happen after that.

OK, so call Her. And say what, exactly? One thing at a time, get some coffee first. Then she called the number.

"Hello Dawn."

"Um hi. So I apologize for just unexpectedly showing up in the middle of the night. The flight landed at like 8 and by the time I got a car and drove out and everything..... well sorry. I didn't have your number."

"No, I changed it after I, when you... yeah, after. So look, I don't understand what this is about, and I don't know if I want to understand. After 6 and a half years you show up in the middle of a goddamn thunderstorm and lay that on me. What the fuck? Do you think we're just going back to what it used to be, just like that? That's not the way it works."

"I know, God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I thought, I haven't been able to think about..... well.... anything. No, I know. But I was wrong about a lot of stuff, and I've figured out stuff, and I just thought, well maybe hoped... I don't know. And I couldn't call you, but I knew you were teaching at the University now, so I just came here."

"Typical. You just randomly go off with some half-baked idea and think it's all going to magically work out. That is so you." There was a hint of a chuckle in Her voice. "So OK, you have no idea what the fuck you're doing, again." The eye-roll was obvious in Her voice. "While you're figuring that out, you can stay in Our...... you can stay there. OK, so I need to get back to work, I'll talk to you later. Bye Dawn." And with that, the call went dead.

Dawn looked at the phone in her hand, it felt so good to hear Her voice again; this time not crying and swearing at her. She had sounded careful, reserved, but at least not hateful. That was something, at least. And She had almost called it Our Cottage, almost........... but She didn't.

So now what? Food probably would be a good idea, Dawn thought. Maybe it would be possible to eat today, it certainly wasn't yesterday. OK then, food. She had said she could stay for a while, but it wouldn't be fair to eat all Her food. Dawn went and started the shower, she still felt bedraggled and strung out from yesterday, a hot shower and then grocery shopping.

Dawn dried herself off and then walked back to their, rather Her bedroom. Last night she'd found her nightgown in exactly the same drawer where it belonged and she didn't look any further. Today she rummaged around in the closet and the dresser, snooping. All of Her clothes were different now, there was nothing Dawn recognized. But all Her new clothes were exactly the same size that She always wore; didn't seem to be any reason why She had entirely replaced Her wardrobe. Odd that there was nothing of Hers left from that life, but all of her own things were exactly the same.

Dawn found a few of her own things, right where she expected them to be. When Dawn had left that day she didn't do a very thorough job packing; actually, she did little more than stuff a few handfuls of random things into a suitcase and run aimlessly into the setting sun. How stupid! So dramatic! Well she hadn't been thinking straight that day, week.... couple months.... Finally, crying her guts out eventually brought some clarity. But by then She had changed Her phone number.

Dawn put on some jeans that once had been her favorite, or maybe they had been Her favorite; She always liked when Dawn wore them. Then finding a top she had totally forgotten about, put it on, brushed her hair, a bit of makeup and felt together enough to go out the door.

She locked the door behind her and was halfway to the car when she realized - her key had worked. The key she had carried for so many years still worked; She hadn't changed the locks. Dawn stumbled and her eyes blurred: she could have walked back in through that door at any time; nothing had been stopping her; nothing but her own fear.

It wasn't a big city and not much had changed since..... all that. Everyone knows that you shouldn't grocery shop on an empty stomach, so a quick lunch first. It was well past noon, the lunch crowd should be thinning out by now. There were plenty of open places in the little bistro. Dawn took her sandwich and lemonade to a booth in the back and sat down with her back to the door. Dawn ate her sandwich without noticing it and was poking at the ice in her lemonade when She sat down opposite in the booth.

"I thought you would be here," She had a smirk on Her face. "So how was the club sandwich?"

"Just like always", Dawn grinned back at Her.

"OK, so you have some explaining to do. Let's start with what you thought would happen when you inexplicably show up in the middle of the night in a fucking storm looking like a drowned kitten."

"Um, so I had two scenarios," Dawn was looking embarrassedly at her empty plate. "The one was that we would rush into each other's arms and confess our undying love, then fall asleep together blissfully and live happily ever after."

"You're crazy, you know that, right?" But She didn't look upset, just kind of mildly amused. "OK, what is the other scenario?"

"Um, well that's the one where you introduce me to your husband and three children, and then I run out into the storm and throw myself off the cliff to be dashed to pieces on the jagged rocks below; and the waves carry my smashed and lifeless body out to sea to be devoured by sharks."

Now She burst out laughing hysterically. "'Dashed to pieces on the jagged rocks below'?!?! Seriously? Only you would say that!.. God Dawn, you are so melodramatic!"

After She stopped laughing She took a drink from Dawn's lemonade. Then She scowled and her voice took on a strained aspect, "Husband and three kids..... I heard you were getting married." It wasn't a question, it wasn't an accusation, it was just a statement laid out flat on the table between them.

Dawn didn't feel nervous, nor trapped, nor suddenly anxious, just a little sad. "I don't know how that rumor started... he worked for my Dad at his law firm. My parents really liked him, and he really is a great guy, I just didn't feel anything for him. But we dated, almost two years. And I told him I didn't want to have sex before we got married; his family goes to the same church as mine so that was totally believable. And he was going to wait, well he did wait. I kinda strung him along for a long time just because I didn't want to disappoint my parents, it was a really shitty thing to do to him. I'm pretty sure he intended to propose to me. So then I bought that cabin in upper Michigan and skipped town. Yeah, I ran out on him too. I guess I do that a lot."

She stabbed viciously at the ice in the glass of lemonade for a long time, and eventually She asked, "OK, so in your crazy, overactive imagination, did it ever occur to you that neither one of your scenarios was actually very likely, and that really we would be sitting here, in this booth again, and I would be demanding answers from you?"

"No? But I guess that was obvious right?"

She rolled Her eyes, "why did I ever fall...... OK yeah. That should have been obvious. So then let's just get right to the point; what reason did you give? Have you told your parents that you're a lesbian?"

"Please don't yell at me, but........I don't exactly think I am......"

She was about to go off on Dawn, but something about the look on her face made Her pause and bite Her tongue.

"I wanted to figure that out, so I tried dating other women...." Dawn started and trailed off.

>>>>>>>

Katie was cute, very cute. A couple years younger and nearly a foot shorter than Dawn with an amazing ass and perfect boobs. A cheerful bubbly disposition that was infectious and an adorable grin. She had short, very blonde hair in a pixie cut and looked every bit the mischievous little elf. She was a nurse at the local hospital, a good reliable job. It was totally inexplicable that nobody had scooped her up yet. This was their fifth date and Dawn knew she was dragging her feet, it was obvious enough that the younger woman was expecting something more to happen soon. The burgers were OK and the beer was ordinary; there were not many options around here.

This was their fifth date and it was obvious Katie was expecting Dawn to make a move. She had pointedly asked on their earlier dates if Dawn was involved with anyone, and specifically said she was looking for something serious. Dawn had denied being attached, but equivocated about the whole future expectations bit. What was she even doing here, just looking for a rebound relationship? Can it even be a rebound when all that happened 4 years ago?

This was their fifth date, if Dawn wanted anything to happen here then she just needed to get over herself and make it happen. Dawn focused on the conversation and turned on all the charm she could muster. She flirted, made jokes, gave Katie every compliment she could think of. It worked: the cute blonde's energy increased four notches and her eyes sparkled like a gazillion stars. They left together and Dawn followed Katie to her house, which was in town and closer.

They started to have a glass of wine on the couch, but that didn't last long. Katie slid in close and was nibbling her ear and feeling her up. She climbed on Dawn's lap, kissing her and pulling up her shirt, hands inside her bra, hands running up her sides, tongue on her neck, her hot pussy millimeters from Dawn's own, separated only by the fabric of their jeans, rubbing, rubbing; the smell of steamy cunt filling the room.

Dawn pulled back, "This is wrong...... I....... I........"

"Dawn, what?!??!? What are you doing? You can't run off and leave me like this now!"

run off...... can't run off now......leave me......

The words stung in Dawn's brain and seared her soul; that's what she had done to Her. In response Dawn spun violently and pushed Katie into the cushions of the couch and unbuttoned her jeans. In one movement she yanked the blonde's jeans and panties down to her ankles. Crawling between Katie's legs, Dawn buried her face into the blonde's soaking snatch. Dawn loved the taste and smell of tangy twat, she really did, and she ate it with a relish. If she closed her eyes, Dawn thought, she can pretend it's Her.

"Stop! Stop! Can't take any more.......God..... oh fuck...... Dawn....need to rest....." Katie was gasping for air and twitching in a sweaty, sticky pile of mush.

Dawn didn't know how many times the blonde had cum, wasn't counting, had only been focused on the image of a beautiful girl with fiery red hair. She pulled her face out of the blonde bush and looked up, rocked back on her knees, Katie's legs and jeans still wrapped around her neck. It was a blonde girl in front of her; it wasn't Her. Dawn blinked and stared.

She extricated herself from the tangle and stumbled to her feet. "Gotta go", her eyes were full of tears and she couldn't see. She tripped on the coffee table and crashed to the floor sending wine and glasses flying. She crawled around until she found her purse and then staggered to her feet and out the door. She was sobbing uncontrollably, "not a cheater...... I'm sorry.......I don't.........not cheat.......sorry..."

<<<<<<<

Dawn blinked and pulled herself back into the present. "God, FiFi, it was such a disaster, she probably hates me forever. I ran out on Katie, I ran out on Jimmy, I ran out on you... So I don't know what I am, except a coward. And I know that I didn't love them and that I do love you. I feel like the only one I can love is you, specifically." Dawn's voice had become tiny.

"Hmmmpf!!" She got up and took the now empty lemonade glass over for a refill. After an inordinately long time, She sat down again. "So hypothetically speaking, supposing we don't get back together, what then?"

"Um, then I throw myself off that cliff to be dashed to pieces on the jagged rocks............" Dawn half grinned at Her shyly.