Choosing Love

Early May 1967

Lisa with Kendra: Learning Our Way Together

Yes, our weekend trips both refine and dig deeper into the growing physical aspects of this new phase of our relationship. Hand in hand, Kendra and I will try anything that sounds interesting, some we like and others not so much. We keep the things we both like and toss the rest.

Most importantly, these times together are slowly mortaring stone upon stone into the growing edifice of our relationship. It is a love that is feeling more normal and permanent with every passing milestone. As the months tick by, we've progressed from skeptical strangers, to friends, then tentative lovers. Now, we have ventured into an intimacy that many couples never find and simple words cannot do justice to. This magical connection we have is more the realm of souls where conversations take place without need of words. I guess we both think of it as a joining that is stronger and deeper than flesh and bone. We feel blessed beyond measure and wonder at how it has all unfolded. We now talk of forever, and even though we are young and unsure of what all that means...forever sounds really good to both of us.

*****

May 1967

Kendra with Lisa: Practice Makes Perfect

"I can't believe this semester is dragging on and on—has time slowed down or something," I complain to Lisa as we both sit on our joined beds and relax after a long day. It's a warm day and enjoying the cool breeze from the water-cooler fan in our bedroom is a perfect place to unwind.

"It's like this every year, I think it gets worse with every semester," Lisa replies.

"It's getting hard to stay focused with so many fun things to do now that summer is so close," I complain some more.

"The best thing to do is remember how much work you've already invested and it all hangs on the final exams. That makes me sit up and pay attention ," Lisa advises.

"Well, that's probably good advice, but it's a real downer."

"Sorry, don't shoot the messenger," Lisa teases back.

"Have you thought anymore about focusing your major over to psychology," I ask.

"Yes, did I forget to tell you? I talked to my advisor and she agrees it would probably be a really good choice for me. She's going to gather up some information I can look at over the summer break. She even suggested maybe a trip up to the University of Texas to speak with an advisor up there. She gave me a name. I've been so busy I haven't thought much more about it. Maybe this summer we should go up and check things out, eh?"

"That sounds wonderful. I don't know much about actual psychology, but I know you'd be good at helping people. I'm really proud of you Lisa."

Later that night laying snuggled in bed I ask her, "How did you know to make me lick you that first time?"

"I'm not really sure I knew anything that first time. I think it was more of just knowing it was what we needed. At least I knew I needed it. We've talked it through a little off and on, but now that it's all settled into place a little better maybe it's time to dig deeper, eh?"

"I'd like that. Like I said before, at first you sort of scared me. You seemed kinda mad, and I couldn't breath when you sat on my face. Then, for some reason I can't explain, it just felt like I should be doing it. I've wondered if it's some deep desire for a man to take me, or something. Not that I desire a man, you know what I mean...just take me and use me, sorta thing," I tell her, trying to put words to such an elusive feeling.

"I had never planned to do that. Being there with you naked, it just felt like we were the first people in the world...all alone, and wild like the animals. This is the part I like to think about. In some twisted way I can't understand fully, you laying there looking so innocent I felt a need to show my sense of care and protection. Like I said, I can't connect the dots of why getting on top of you equates to protecting you...but it does. Does any of that make sense?"

"Actually it does. I'll be honest, I felt kinda humiliated by what I was doing. It seemed like I should be saying no, and yet I didn't want to say no—something stronger wouldn't let me. I guess that means I wanted it deep down. I think I wanted to know you were in control. And now, I know I want it, and I still feel humiliated a lot of the times we're being kinky. But it just feels like that's what I should be doing at the same time. Maybe it's just the taboo of it all. I don't know how to explain it. But just because it's a little different, doesn't mean it's wrong, does it?"

Lisa grasped me hard between my legs in a possessive way, and asked, "Does this feel wrong to you?"

I was momentarily surprised, but just for a second before my arousal kicked in, "No, it feels really good."

Pulling my underwear aside, she pushes a finger in and asks, "How about this?"

"That feels good too," I tell her and feel my legs opening in their own unfiltered response.

"Okay, let's try something different. Roll over on you stomach."

Lisa got up on her knees and said, "Now get up on your knees. Good, now lay you face on the bed and stick you ass up."

I feel my arousal building, not knowing what Lisa is doing I just obey. The first thing is my underpants being slid off my body. I cooperate as she gets them off my legs. Back on my knees and in position, as the seconds tick away I have a growing sense of feeling so vulnerable—of being so exposed like this. Just before I ask what she wants me to do, I feel Lisa's hands spreading my butt cheeks apart.

I hear my own breathing grow heavier as I remain there exposed in a way I have never imagined, much less experienced. No one has ever looked at my butt-hole like this and I feel my embarrassment growing with each passing moment. Then a soft breath blows over me there and I quiver at the amazing new sensation.

"Tell me how you feel—what are you thinking?"

"I feel embarrassed that you're seeing me this way. I feel kind'a confused about what you are going to do. But I also feel really horny and nasty," I reply as honestly as I could.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Do you feel I am in charge?"

This is the part that thrills me, sending shivers of erotic pleasure throughout my entire body..."Yes. You are in charge."

The kiss on my butt cheek wasn't what I expected, but it feels good. The kiss was quickly followed by a sharp smack from an open hand that stung but didn't really hurt.

"Do you still trust me as much?"

"Yes."

"Good, get on your knees beside the bed."

I'm a little confused but also extremely excited and eagerly do as I am told. Lisa sits on the edge of the bed in front of me and spreads her legs wide. She looks really nasty with her slit so open, her clit is hard and reaching out to me.

"You know what to do?"

I just nod my head in the affirmative.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

My emotions are awhirl now, I sense this is another important turning point in our games. I also know it feels good to be on my knees between her legs. I don't need to have it spelled out to me what this means, I'm Lisa's servant in this game. I look up from the gaping pink slit to find her eyes on me, watching and gauging my reactions.

"Now how do you feel?"

I pause before answering, thinking and digging deep to find the right words. "I feel like a slut who serves her mistress...I feel nasty and sexy."

"Do you like these feelings?"

Of course I like these feelings...so why is it so hard to admit it? Looking up again, I made myself be honest and said, "Yes. It feels good—it feels right."

"Okay, kiss it and then get back on the bed with me," Lisa tells me.

I am again confused, but do as Lisa asks. The musky smell of Lisa's sex is overwhelming all of my other senses, but when my lips make contact with those other soft lips it is truly a kiss of love that we exchange. It is a long and life confirming kiss of love. I see myself in my mind's eye—on my knees literally making out with Lisa's cunt. She only asked for my kiss, but seemingly of its own will my tongue dives as deep as it can between those folds—exploring the warmth and flavor freely and at peace with my place on my knees.

Back up on the bed again, Lisa snuggles close, laying on her side facing me and whispers, "Feel between my legs."

I reached a finger deep into the warmth of Lisa's sex and feel the wet evidence of her excitement of what we had just done.

"Now let me feel you."

I already know what she will find, and probably, so does she. "So, it seems we are a little kinky my sweet love," Lisa says in a teasing way.

"So what does it mean?"

"I have no idea, but I know we both like it and that's enough for me. I just want you to know and really believe that I love you, I love you when you do nasty things with me. I love you when you're grumpy and tired, I love you when you have your period, and I love you when we just lay here and talk. All the other stuff is just bedroom games, it adds spice to life. So let's just don't overthink it, that's probably the best answer. What do you think?"

"Really, it's the only way to make sense of it all. I know I like it, and I agree with you, that's enough," I tell her, as my fingers tenderly stoke the side of her face at her hairline.

After a space of time where we both lay quiet, letting soft touches do the talking, I tell her, "One thing I do like though, is snuggling like this together after you make me do stuff like that. I just really soak up your love and kisses when we're finished. Actually, I think that's the part I've loved from the very first time. The thrill of just surrendering is wonderful and it sets me free from having to be anything except what you want in that moment, but when you hold me after and tell me you love me, I melt into a warm buttery goo inside." My words feel almost like a confession to me, but it feels so good to talk so honestly together like this. It makes me feel so close...so connected with her...so in love with her.

Pulling me closer, Lisa kisses my lips and says softly, "I love you. You're the most interesting person I've ever known. I can't wait for my parents to meet you. I guess at some point we're going to have to figure all that out, but not tonight. All I need tonight is right here in my arms."

*****

Friday, May 31, 1967

Kendra: Dark Clouds Roll In...Sunshine Fights Back

With me going to school at night, it cuts into the time we have to sit, or lay in bed, and talk. It's not ideal, but we both know it's not going to last forever and we're already talking about our future plans together.

As usual, I go to work at the Coffee Cup Cafe, but my schedule is now only four days during the week. The owner has children and grandchildren himself, and is always willing to accommodate my needs for shorter shifts. A big help is that he also understands my need to no longer work weekends. He told me, I mustn't burn myself out if I hope to graduate. All of his regular customers know me by name and like me, and he says that is important for a small business like his. I feel that I've been sort of adopted by the whole bunch of them sometimes.

But tonight is my last final test of the semester! Wanting to get there and study one more time before the test, I take off from work an hour early. When the test is over, I'm happy that I just finished my first semester of college! Elated, I'm eagerly looking forward to the weekend with Lisa. I didn't have any trouble answering all of the questions and feel on top of the world!

Opening our front door, I find the letter that had been forwarded from my old address laying on the floor under the mail slot. I know immediately who it's from and all of my lighthearted joy flies into the darkness of this late spring night. My first reaction is disgust mixed with anger, and I spit the words out, "You fucking asshole...now? You write now?"

Slamming the front door so hard a picture falls off the wall, I wad the envelope and throw the letter into a nearby corner. I debate whether to open it or tear it up and throw it in the trash where it belongs. In the end, I decide to wait until Lisa comes home so we can decide what to do together.

As I sit there thinking, my emotions begin to settle and I wonder if I maybe owe him a chance to explain. Perhaps that's what the letter is, an explanation of why he abandoned me without a word. I am still his wife, even if he hasn't been much of a husband. It would be easier for me to just shoot him the finger a say good luck looser, if I hadn't known him since the first grade. My memories drift back to that boy and every Halloween as we all went around collecting our treats, and how he would protect me from any bully. I remember the nice looking young man in his football uniform and how he wooed me.

When Lisa makes it home late from the library where she's been researching a paper, my anger has softened and I simply say, "Bad news...I got a letter from him today."

"What? After all this time the jerk decides to write? What'd he say?"

"I didn't open it, I was waiting for you," I tell her.

"Do you even want to open it?"

"Not really, no. But I know if we don't, there'll probably just be another one though," I answer.

"What ever you want to do babe, I'm with you."

"We're gonna be fucked up in the head until we see what's in it, let's just get it over with so we can see what's up."

Still holding the envelope Lisa asks, "You want to open it or shall I?"

"You do it."

Lisa reads the first of two pages and hands it to me as she reads the second. When I had read all that he had to say Lisa asked, "Well, what do you think?"

"Sounds like it's been pretty hard on him, harder than he thought it would be. He seems pretty messed up, not at all like what he was like before all this started," I reply.

"What do you want to do? He asked you to come out there as soon as you can...are you going to go?"

"I can't imagine ever doing that Lisa." I look at her and know I can never go back to that. She is here for me, she is beautiful to me...my decision just got really easy. "I can't imagine going back to him. It makes me feel a little selfish, but it sounds horrible to even try to imagine going back. No, I'll never go back to him. I love you a hundred times more than I ever loved him. I know now it was all just puppy love and almost an expected thing we would get married. My parents were the only wise voices against it."

I guess Lisa could see my anguish and her first instinct is to simply hold me. I hug her tight, afraid to let go. I never once felt such warmth and safety with him...or with anyone.

"Baby, let's just put it all on the shelf for tonight. He's jerked you around for months, we don't have to jump through his hoops and respond until we calm down and have time to think it through. Let's go get a warm shower and then we can relax, it's Friday night and we need to celebrate your last day of the semester...I brought home some wine for the occasion. And you haven't even told me how you did on the final."

I'm feeling so thankful and relieved that Lisa is here to help me figure a path out of this mess. Just the passing thought of not having her frightens me and I instinctively hugged her tighter one last time. "I did really good. I'm sure I passed the course." Our hug hides the beginning of tears I feel.

"Let's go take a shower, that'll help us both celebrate and relax," Lisa says as she takes my hand and leads me toward the bathroom.

We both have so many fond memories of this old shower, and just the recollection of how far we've come together scrubs some of Bobby's grime out of my thoughts. Normally he is easy for both of us to forget about, but the shock of the letter has slung a handful of mud on our happiness. I know it's probably Lisa's hope that the shower and her soapy hands will distract me for a while and maybe even wash some Bobby's grime off of us both...I'm more than willing to give it a try.

To start the cleansing, Lisa pushes me back against the towel cabinet, holding me there with one hand in the center of my chest, she boldly grabs me between the legs, and says, "This is mine, okay? And I'm not sharing it with anyone, especially Bobby...is that clear?"

I knew it was somewhat of an act intended to cheer me up, yet it still feels wonderful to reaffirm my vow of surrender to the love we have forged together. "Yes, it's clear...and I don't want anyone to touch me like this but you."

My eyes close as Lisa kisses me on the lips and whispers, "Those words turn me on as much as what's in my hand. Now strip for me."

Thoughts of Bobby are nowhere to be found now as Lisa steps back and I pull the cotton shirt over my head, my breasts poke free since I had long ago abandoned the bra I was raised to believe was a necessity. My nipples are already peaked, but Lisa takes them to another level of arousal as her fingertips dance like feathers on both of them, sending a thrill down between my legs.

Once again I'm gently pushed against the cabinet door. As our lips join I pull Lisa as tight to me as possible, feeling her hands abandon my breasts and begin working on the fastenings of my pants between our bodies. The thought races through my mind that women are so much better lovers than men—it's a wonder any woman would want the clumsy and selfish attentions of a man. I know in this moment I don't have even the slightest desire for that ever again. I'm a lesbian, and happier than I've ever been in my life!

I spread my legs as I feel her hand snake into my pants. I slowly hump against the finger that's teasing my clit, my lips searching for Lisa's until we're kissing one another again. Lisa's fingers explore lower until they find my warm wet entrance and her middle figure curls up and into the familiar tunnel.

I have to break our kiss so I can take a deeper breath, then I let it all out with a sigh that must have told Lisa that I'm certainly not thinking about him right now, that's for sure. She comes even more alive herself, fingering and teasing me for several minutes, right up to the point I'm wanting to orgasm—then she pulled her finger from me and says with joking alarm, "You're such a nasty girl, we came in her to take a shower...and just look at you!"

It is both torture and humor at the same time, and the very last trace of any worry flees into the darkness from which it came.

Our shower offers a more gentle time to unwind and make an easy decent down from the peak of arousal. It is now soft hands on bare flesh that steal away all other thoughts. It is two young and perfect bodies pressing together, nipples teasing nipples and mons kissing mons that does all the communicating. Finally, with eyes closed and totally at peace, we rest against one another and let the last of the warm water rain down, drowning out all other thought except for this moment and each other.

After toweling one another dry, and a quick bite to eat, we take our wine and each other to bed. We're both exhausted, yet Lisa wants to know more about my final. "So you feel like the test went well?"

"Yes, actually it was pretty easy. I answered all the questions and was one of the first to finish."

"Feels good, doesn't it. I wish mine were over," Lisa said,

"Just a couple more weeks, then we have all summer together. What should we do? A big road trip would be nice, but can we afford it," I ask, thinking out loud.

"I've been wondering if we should maybe go see my folks this summer sometime. At some point I want to tell them about us. They would probably help with some gas money, and once we get there, we wouldn't have many expenses," Lisa says.

"I've thought and thought about how, or even if, I can tell my folks. We never talked about this kind of stuff growing up, but it seems to me they wouldn't approve at all. But I'd like to meet you parents. Should we take the car of a bus or something?"