This is the forth chapter in the Charlie series. All characters, events, places, and anything else you can think of are figments of my imagination that I put down on paper (metaphorically) for your viewing pleasure.
Also, as a side note, no sex this chapter so if that's what you're looking for, sorry.
--
When Casey first came to my house, she was broken and I was the one that had comforted her when she was in a dark place. She had seen Lindsey walk out the door with a packed bag and tears running down her cheek.
When Casey asked what was wrong, Lindsey just looked at her smiled and said, "take good care of her okay?" and then left without another word.
I was still sitting on my bed trying to still absorb what had just happened and the implications that it had on my future. I was staring at the carpet that lined my bedroom when I heard a light knocking on the door.
"Come in" I said quietly.
Lindsey walked into my room looking unsure. I gave her a weak smile and then averted my eyes back to the same spot on the carpet. Lindsey quietly opened the door enough so she could enter the room. She came and sat down next to me on the bed.
I was a very confused set of emotions at that point. I obviously wasn't happy that Lindsey had left, but now I didn't have to hide my emotions for Casey from her. I was excited but at the same time terrified of the next few days and weeks and what they meant for the relationship between Casey and me. I didn't know if we would even have a relationship after I told her what I knew I had to.
All of these emotions came cascading out of me when Casey put her hand on my back. That slight contact, the thoughts that were running rampant in my head, and the events that had transpired with Lindsey caused a tear to trickle down my face. I'm not usually a crier but the weight of everything that had just happened crashed down on me. What was supposed to be a comforting gesture turned into what broke my emotional dam.
Lindsey started to rub my back, knowing that the one tear that was shed had an enormity of meaning behind it, but not quite understanding the full meaning behind it for me. As thoughts of Casey ran through my mind I suddenly jerked away from her fearing that I would blurt everything out all at once and ruin any chance no matter how slim it was that I actually had with her.
When I jerked away from her touch, she looked hurt but I had to escape somehow. I made some excuse about wanting to be alone to her and watched as she left my room with a disappointed look in her eyes but she gave a weak smile. I knew that what I had said was a complete and total lie; the only thing I wanted at the moment was Casey.
I ran a hot bath and went to retrieve a bottle of wine from the kitchen. Luckily I didn't run into Casey, she had gone to her room. I drank about half of the bottle while I just soaked in the bath and organized my thoughts. I knew I had to tell Casey that I was in love with her even through the fear of rejection. I thought about the best option of how to do this and since I knew once I got stated telling her, I would jumble my words and forget something important so I decided a letter was the way to go. I was still trying to figure out a way to keep Lindsey as a friend but couldn't come up with a solution to that issue before the water went cold.
I reluctantly got out of the luke warm water and toweled dry. I put on a pair of baggy sweat pants and t-shirt and proceeded to return the remainder of the wine to the kitchen. As I shut the refrigerator door, Casey leaned against the kitchen doorway and was just looking at me. God she looked amazing, she was only dressed in a plain v-neck shirt and running shorts but to me she had never looked better.
"Hey" I said. My eyes were not quite able to meet hers.
"Hi" she said in a very gentle tone. She took a deep breath, "I've known you for a long time now, and even though you know I hate it when you don't tell me things, I know that you like to get things clear in your own head before you lay them out on the table. So will you at least come sit with me?"
I slowly nodded and followed her to the living room. Through my buzz from the wine, I knew it would have been a better idea to keep my space away from her but I couldn't help myself, it was like there was some force between us that was always drawing me to her. The television was already on and we just sat in silence. I stared at the screen not knowing if I could trust myself to open my mouth to speak. So I just sat there and so did Casey.
My arm was pressed up against hers due to the fact that the couch we sat on was actually more of a love seat. My skin was on fire where it made contact with hers. That wasn't helping keep my mouth shut.
Eventually my mind wandered and I started to plan out the letter that I had to write to Casey. I glanced over at Casey but it seemed like her mind was off somewhere else too.
"Look at us" I half chuckled. "We definitely have our lives figured out."
Casey started to laugh as the irony of the comment sank in. We were both newly single, Casey was unemployed and in the process of finding a job, my live in girlfriend had just left because I was in love with my best friend who was supposed to be staying temporarily, and we were both sitting on my couch watching a show that neither of us knew what it was.
With a bit of the tension broken I finally looked Casey in the eye as I took her hand in mine and said, "I will tell you all what happened but like you said, I need to collect my thoughts before I just start spurting out random things."
She smiled and gave me an understanding nod. By then it was getting late and I wanted that day to end so I headed to bed.
--
I started writing the letter the next day when I woke up. I figured since I would have to start working again that week I thought I would get a head start on it. I was wrong. Even though I had been working on sorting out my thoughts and putting them on paper for over two hours I scrapped everything that I wrote once I read through it. This was going to be hard.
